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| Posted by B B on 09-Aug-2005 | Supermarket BraveryA man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her no. The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through -- don't be upset. It won't be long."
Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said softly, "There, there, Monica, don't cry -- only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
When they got to the checkout stand, the little girls immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased. The mother patiently said, "Monica, we'll be through this checkout stand in five minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Monica," he began.
The mother sighed and replied, "Oh, no. I'm Monica - my little girl's name is Tammy."
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| Posted by Prabesh Neupane on 09-Aug-2005 | Cows Getting ItLittle Johnnie is sitting on the fence, watching a bull with two cows. The preacher walks up, and asks Johnnie what he is doing.
Johnnie replies, "I'm watching that bull fuck the black cow."
The preacher, aghast at the language, tells Johnnie that he should say that the bull is going to SURPRISE the black cow.
Johnnie says, "OK." and the preacher leaves.
The next day, after church, the preacher is shaking hands with all the parishioners as they leave. When Johnnie appears with his parents, the preacher kneels down, smiles, and says, "So, Johnnie, did the bull SURPRISE the black cow?"
Johnnie replies, "He sure did! He fucked the white one!"
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| Posted by George Washington on 09-Aug-2005 | POTENTIALLYA boy came home from school one day. His father asked him how his day was and the boy said, "Well Dad, I looked stupid because I did not know the difference between potential and reality."
His dad says, "Well son, go ask your mother if she would sleep with our next door neighbor for a million dollars."
He came back with a shocked look on his face and said, "Dad, she said, 'Yes!".
"OK son, now go and ask your sister the same question."
A few minutes later he came back, shocked again. "Dad, she said, 'Yes!' also!"
His dad told him, "There you go."
His son looked at him, puzzled. "Dad I still don't understand."
"Look son, POTENTIALLY we are multi-millionaires, but in REALITY we are dead broke and living with a couple of whores."
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| Posted by REM on 09-Aug-2005 | Gran Lives Where?When I stopped the bus to pick up little five year old Chris for pre-school, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house.
"Is that your grandmother?" I asked Chris when he boarded.
"Yes," Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas."
"How nice," I said. "Where does she live?"
"At the airport," Chris replied.
"Whenever we want her we just go out there and get her."
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| Posted by Hench on 09-Aug-2005 | Getting Screwed!There was this little girl staring out her bedroom window, watching two dogs screw in the street.
In curiosity she called for her father to explain what they were doing.
Her father entered the room and asked what was wrong.
The girl then said, "Father what are those two dogs doing ?"
The father hesitantly replied, "Why, one of the dogs got hurt, and the other is helping it to an animal hospital."
The girl jumped to her feet and said, "It's just like with humans, Daddy, you try to help someone and you get fucked!"
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| Posted by Ally1 on 09-Aug-2005 | What's a pussy?Junior, curious about some words he saw on the bathroom wall asked, "Mom, what's a pussy?"
Mom remained calm, showed him a picture of a cat and said, "That's a pussy, son. A pussy is a kitty cat."
"What's a bitch, then?" inquired the precocious little tyke.
Mom got the dictionary out and said, "See, the dictionary says a bitch is a female dog."
Not satisfied, he asked his father what a pussy was. Pops dutifully trotted out a girlie mag from his sock drawer, drew a circle around the genital region and said, "That's a pussy right there, son. And a fine specimen it is, too."
"Well, what's a bitch, then?" asked Junior.
"That's everything outside the circle."
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