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| Posted by Nevyn J. Leo on 14-Aug-2005 | Syracuse Football ScheduleSeptember 14 Birmingham Jr. High
September 21 Boy Scout Troop #49
September 28 Crippled Children's Home
October 5 Blind Academy
October 12 World War I Veterans
October 19 Brownie Troop #14
October 26 Patlaka High Cheerleaders
November 2 St. Joseph's Boys Choir
November 9 Birmingham VD Clinic
November 16 Korean War Amputees
November 23 VA Hospital Polio Patients
Rules Changes from last year:
1. When playing polio patients, Syracuse players must not disconnect iron lungs.
2. When playing Brownie's, Syracuse players must not steal their cookies.
3. When playing the Blind Academy, Syracuse players must not hide the ball.
4. When playing the Korean War Amputees, Syracuse must not file any complaints about a player with only one leg being harder to tackle.
5. A touchdown (this is when the ball is carried over the goal line) will count as 21 points for Syracuse.
6. Syracuse will be allowed 27 players.
7. Syracuse will be allowed to substitute with band members at any time during the game.
8. Syracuse will be allowed to play with 3 footballs at the same time.
9. Syracuse will be allowed 20 time outs.
10. A gain of 3 yards will constitute first down for Syracuse.
As you can see, Syracuse is facing a much rougher schedule this year so all Syracuse fans (all 16) should get out and see the games and cheer them on to victory.
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():sport jokes (950): Why Sports Scholarship is an Oxymoron |
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| Posted by Stanford on 14-Aug-2005 | Why Sports Scholarship is an Oxymoron"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle" -- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." -- Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker
"You guys line up alphabetically by height" -- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school." -- Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements
"I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to andfrom class" -- George Raveling, Washington State basketball coach
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton." -- Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." -- Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece
"The ballparks have gotten too crowded. That's why nobody goes to see the game anymore." -- Yogi Berra
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." -- Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -- Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann
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| Posted by Stefani R. Richards on 13-Aug-2005 | The Cowboys under SwitzerBarry Switzer, clearly upset about the Dallas Cowboys' losing record, decides to find out from Steve Mariucci what his secret is. So, Switzer travels up to a 49er practice and asks Mariucci, "Coach, how is it that your team is so good? What's your secret?"
Mariucci responds by calling Steve Young over. "Steve, who's your father's brother's nephew?"
Young answers, "Why coach, that's easy. It's me."
Mariucci turns to Switzer and says, "That's the secret, Barry. A smart quarterback. You've got to have a smart quarterback."
Thinking he's finally got all the tools he needs, Switzer returns to Texas and the Cowboys workout. He promptly calls over Troy Aikman. "Aikman! Who's your father's brother's nephew?" Switzer asks.
Troy looks perplexed, thinks a minute and says, "Coach, can I get back to you after practice on that one?"
Switzer (disgusted) says, "OK."
During practice, Aikman calls over Deion Sanders. "Deion, coach just asked me the weirdest question. Who's your father's brother's nephew?"
Sanders replied, "Duh! That's easy. It's me!"
After practice, Aikman catches up with Switzer. "Coach, I think I've got it. My father's brother's nephew is Deion Sanders."
Switzer (angry) reprimands, "No, No, NO! You idiot!! It's Steve Young!!!"
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():sport jokes (950): The Top 12 Hardships for Out-of-Work NBA Players |
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| Posted by S J on 13-Aug-2005 | The Top 12 Hardships for Out-of-Work NBA Players12. Forced to cut back from classy $8000-a-night call girls to skanky $5000-a-night variety.
11. Humiliating to have to ask that photographer you kicked in the groin for a loan.
10. "Choking the coach" now a private affair between the player and himself.
9. All these new summer tattoos and no one to show 'em to.
8. No longer able to afford stretch limo, more prone to injuries during romp in backseat of an AMC Pacer with Madonna.
7. Research for doctoral thesis "29 Hoes in 29 Cities" comes to a grinding halt.
6. Instead of having high quality weed delivered, must venture out to pick up generic brand themselves.
5. Charge account revoked at "Big and Tall Freak of Nature" shop.
4. Trash talking totally ludicrous after sinking ten foot underwear-to-the-hamper shot.
3. Spike Lee is camped out on the front lawn, and you're tired of hearing how you mow the lawn like a wimp.
2. With no early morning practices, getting Toni Braxton to leave can be a real chore.
1. Restricted to fathering illegitimate children in a confined geographical region.
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by David Zielinski on 13-Aug-2005 | Mets FanA first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a NY METS fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Met fans too.
Not really knowing what a METS fan was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I'm not a METS fan,"
Then, asks the teacher, what are you?"
"Why I'm proud to be a Yankees fan," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.
She asks Lucy why she is a Yankees fan. "Well, My Dad and Mom are Yankee fans, and I'm a Yankee fan too,"
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Lucy, "I'd be a METS fan."
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