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| Posted by Shen Singh on 14-Aug-2005 | Talking ParrotA guy goes and buys a parrot. The parrot can speak really well.
The guy takes the parrot into a pub and bets everyone that the
parrot can talk well. He gets the odds of 30 to 1. He is just
about to boast about the parrot but the parrot won't talk. He is
furious and goes home and yells at the parrot. He raps his hands
around the parrots neck when the parrot says, "STOP! Just think
of the odds you'll get tomorrow night."
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| Posted by Lindsey L. D on 14-Aug-2005 | Any Gators?While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized
his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him
clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber
standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any
gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the
shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the
gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.
"The sharks got 'em."
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| Posted by Scott Mcrae on 14-Aug-2005 | Dog PoundThere were 3 dogs in a cage at a dog pound and they were discussing why
they were in there. One dog said that he was being put to sleep beacause
he drank out of the toilet. Another dog was being put to sleep beacause he
tore up the newspaper. The third dog said he was in there because his
owner dropped her towel and went to pick it up and he couldn't resist and
started humping her. The other dogs said that they understood why he was
being put to sleep. But the dog said, "I'm not being put to sleep, I'm
getting my nails trimmed!"
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| Posted by Carly A. Jordan on 14-Aug-2005 | Little Johnny and His Gold FishOne day Little Johnny is in his back yard digging a hole. His
neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. "What are
you doing?" he asks. Little Johnny replies, "My goldfish died
and I'm burying him." "That's an awful big hole for a goldfish,
ain't it?" asked the neighbor. Little Johnny shouts back,
"That's because he's inside your fucking cat!"
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| Posted by Kelli on 14-Aug-2005 | Put that worm back in that holeA little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little
boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too
wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of
hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board.
Then he puts the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray,
and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back
out and hands the little boy another five dollars.
The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."
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| Posted by Anu Patel on 14-Aug-2005 | The Snail ReturnsOne day a guy heard a knock on his door, so he answered it and
no one was there. But he looked down and saw a snail. So he
picked up the snail and threw it as far as he could.
3 years later, the guy hears a knock on his door, so he answered
it and no one was there. He looked down and there was that same
snail. The snail said, "What the fuck was that all about?!?!"
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