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| Posted by lafonda on 09-Aug-2005 | Teachers giftAs the end of the year rolls around, a kindergarten teacher starts getting presents from the children in her class.
First, a little girl whose father owns the meat shop in town hands her a box.
The teacher shakes it and says, ???I bet it??™s some beef jerky.???
???It is!??? the girl cries.
Then a little boy whose father owns a local candy store hands her a box.
The teacher shakes it and says, ???I bet this is some candy.???
???Yes, it is!??? the boy squeals.
Finally, a boy whose dad owns a liquor store comes forward. As the teacher takes the present, she notices it??™s leaking.
After tasting a drop from the box, she says, ???I bet it??™s white wine.???
???No,??? the little boy says.
So the teacher puts a few more drops into her mouth. ???It??™s champagne, right???? she says.
???Nope!??? the little boy cries, happy that he has fooled his teacher.
???I give up,??? she says. ???What is it????
The little boy shouts, ???It??™s a puppy!???
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
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| Posted by Coli E. Pritzker on 09-Aug-2005 | Grandma helpsA little boy needs to use the bathroom, but he??™ll only go if his grandmother helps him.
???Daddy, I have to pee,??? he says to his father. ???Go get Grandma.???
???Don??™t bother Grandma,??? the father says. ???I??™ll take you to the bathroom.???
???No!??? the boy whines. ???Grandma!???
???Why must you always go to the bathroom with Grandma???? the father asks.
???Because her hand shakes.???
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
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| Posted by sheila Murray on 09-Aug-2005 | BeansWhy did little Jonny eat refried beans on Saturday night?
So they can take a bubble bath Sunday morning.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
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| Posted by scotty on 09-Aug-2005 | Little helperAn old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.
It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby.
The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
"Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by bigcat on 09-Aug-2005 | Kids say...The first grade class gathered around the teacher for a game of "Guess the Animal." The first picture the teacher held up was of a cat.
"Okay, boys and girls," she said brightly, "can anyone tell me what this is?"
"I know, I know, it's a cat!" yelled a little boy.
"Very good, Eddie. Now, who knows what this animal is called?"
"That's a dog!" piped up the same little boy.
"Right, again. And what about this animal?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.
Silence fell over the class.
After a minute or two, the teacher said, "I'll give you a hint, children...it's something you're mother calls your father."
"I know, I know," screamed Eddie. "It's a horny bastard!"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by yisman and calamjo
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| Posted by Luis H. Praun on 09-Aug-2005 | WarewolfKid: Mom! Everyone at school says I look like a werewolf!
Mom: Shut up and comb your face!
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
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