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| Posted by Payway Elbertse on 14-Aug-2005 | Teacher's PetIt is a teacher's last day, and all the students want to show
their appreciation for her by giving her a present. The
chocolatier's son brings her a box of fine gourment truffles,
florist's daughter brings her a bouquet of flowers, and the
liquor store owner son comes in with a heavy box. The teacher
notices it's leaking on one side, and takes a drop of the liquid
and tastes it. "Champagne"?" The boy says no. "Brandy"? Again he
says no. Finally the teacher says "I give up. And the liquor
store owners son say's "a puppy!"
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| Posted by Mitchy Dee on 14-Aug-2005 | Spider RoomOne man would recieve one million dollars out of three if he
stayed in a room full of spiders the longest.
The first man stayed in there 5 miniutes before running out. The
second man stayed for 10 minutes before leaving also.
The third man stayed for hours and hours before finally coming
out. When he did, many asked, "How did you do it?"
"Easy," said the man, "I killed one and the rest went to his
funeral."
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| Posted by Sarah M. Love on 14-Aug-2005 | The Red ButtonA man was walking down the road and then he just got a huge urge
to go to the dunny. So he ran into the closest store he could
see.
He said to the female accountant "Can I please use your
toilets!". She replied "we only have a females toilet here".
The man said in an instant "But i really need to go..... I'll
pay ya!"
"Aww, ok but whatever you do DO NOT PRESS THE RED BUTTON!!.
He hands over the money.
He sat down on the toilet and did his business, when he finished
he got up and pulled his pants on and went over to this wall, it
was covered with buttons. So he pushed one, it made a sound like
water flowing down a creek. He pushed another, it sounded like
birds chirping. There was one button that caught his attention,
THE RED BUTTON.
"The lady at the counter told me not to touch the button at all,
how much harm could it do anyway?"
(he moved his finger towards it, then he pulled it away, he did
it again but he couldn't do it.
"Oh! what the Heck!".
Everyone in the store heard a humungous scream, everyone ran
towards the scream," what the hell made that man scream so
loud?" asked someone in the crowd. "He pushed the red
button",The accountant said.
"Whats the red button?",asked the guy again.
"A Tampon Remover", said the accountant
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| Posted by Kandi Shingler on 14-Aug-2005 | The Amazing FlyA prisoner at the Edmonton Maximum Security Prison started
training a large fly to do tricks. For years, for thousands of
hours,
he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature
high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of
stilts and
sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.
"When you and I get out of here," the jailbird said to the fly.
"we're
going to tour the night-spots and make a fortune."
Finally the day arrived. Fly safely tucked away in his pocket,
(inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to a bar to
celebrate.
At the bar, he brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started
moonwalking. "What about this fly, eh?" he said to the
bartender.
In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy of the
local
newspaper, rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty
swipe.
"Glad you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Damn things are
everywhere."
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| Posted by leanna on 14-Aug-2005 | A letter to TideDear Tide,
I have always used your product ever since my college days,
because mom says it was the best. One weekend about a month ago,
I was at my girlfriend's place, wearing my new white shirt. Much
to my chagrin, I spilled some red wine on my white shirt. She
made a comment about my drinking problem, one thing lead to
another, and soon I had her blood all over my not-so-nice white
shirt. I tried washing it with her detergent, and it just didn't
do the trick. So, on my way home, I stopped at the store and
picked up a box of new Ultra Tide. It washed the stain so well
that the DNA tests were entirely inconclusive! I can't praise
your product enough. Thank you for saving my life! I must go
now. I also have to send my praise to the makers of Hefty
garbage bags...
Thanks again!
John Smith
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| Posted by nazi bob on 14-Aug-2005 | Now, Be NiceTwo college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York
City
subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.
Frank
adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand,
whips
out his wallet, pulls out a couple of dollar bills and gladly
hands
them over to the beggar with a smile.
The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other
passengers.
Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on
earth
did you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only going
to use
it on drugs or booze!!!"
Matt replies, "What...and we weren't?"
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