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():food jokes (113): Ten Top Ways to Annoy Your Waiter |
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| Posted by Earl the man on 13-Aug-2005 | Ten Top Ways to Annoy Your WaiterTop ten ways to annoy your waiter
From the Late Show with David Letterman - Friday, January 13, 1995 with revisions made by John Insor.
10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip.
9. Ask, "Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?"
8. After he describes each special, you shout, "Garbage!"
7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, "Minimum wage".
6. Every few seconds, yell, "More waffles, Cuomo!"
5. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil.
4. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, "You wouldn't charge Superman for dinner, would you?"
3. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard.
2. As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, "He's gonna spit in the chowder!"
1. Three words: eat the check.
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| Posted by Chapane on 08-Aug-2005 | CHEESE THAT ISNT YOURSWHAT DO YOU CALL CHEESE THAT ISNT YOURS?
NACHO CHEESE!
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| Posted by Lees on 11-Aug-2005 | Most dangerous Food!A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
"Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode the stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG, and few of us realize the long-term harm caused by the pollutants in our drinking water.
"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."
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| Posted by Smart Fool on 11-Aug-2005 | Chocolate ice creamA lady walked into a convenience store and asked the clerk for a pint of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk told the lady "Miss, we are all out of chocolate ice cream."
The lady says "Oh, okay. Give me a quart of chocolate ice cream."
The clerk says "Miss, I just told you we are all out of chocolate ice cream."
The lady says "Oh, okay. Give me a half gallon of chocolate ice cream."
The clerk had finally had it. He said "Miss, can you spell the van in vanilla?"
The lady looked puzzled but answered "Yes, v a n."
The clerk said, "Very good. Now can you spell the straw in strawberry?"
The lady still looked puzzled but answered "Yes, s t r a w."
The clerk said, "Very good. Now can you spell the fuck in chocolate?"
The lady answered, "There ain't no fuck in chocolate."
The clerk replied, "That's what I'v been trying to tell you!"
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| Posted by Iain Delaney on 11-Aug-2005 | Yum YumQ:How do you make a Swiss roll?
A:you push them down the Alps.
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| Posted by Mike A. Harms on 13-Aug-2005 | A great fruit cake recipeYou'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.
Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whisky again and go to bed.
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