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| Posted by katy purnell on 09-Aug-2005 | Tennis BallWhile out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing nobody around, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at a pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him saw the large bulge in his shorts.
"What's that?"
she asked,... with her eyes gleaming lustfully.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once!"
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| Posted by Slip Knot on 09-Aug-2005 | Vote DemocraticTwo opposing county chairman were sharing a rare moment together.
The Democratic chairman said, "I never pass up a chance to promote the party. For example, whenever I take a cab, I give the driver a sizable tip and say, 'Vote Democratic.'"
His opponent said, "I have a better scheme, and it doesn't cost me a nickel. I don't give any tip at all. And when I leave, I also say, 'Vote Democratic.'"
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| Posted by Little Trotter on 09-Aug-2005 | ApostleIt was really tough work being an Apostle of Jesus. Can you imagine the hours? What if you wanted a day off? So you call up Jesus and say, "Jesus, I'm sick today, running a little fever and feeling congested so I won't be able to make it to today's Sermon.......what ........say that again, you say I'm cured?"
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| Posted by Cordelia Montgomery-Williams on 09-Aug-2005 | Jesus Plays Golfesus and the devil got together for a quick nine holes. The devil says, "Go ahead Jesus, tee up."
"No sir, Satan, after you," Jesus replies. So the devil tees up, musters all his might, and hits a huge drive, ten feet from the hole.
"Ha!," says the devil, "Beat that!" Jesus puts his ball on the tee - takes a swing. The devil begins to laugh as Jesus' terrible slice hits a tree and rolls into the rough. A squirrel scurries by, picks up the ball, and begins to run off with it. The devil can't contain his laughter; tears roll down his cheeks. Then, all of a sudden, a hawk appears from above the treetops, he swoops down snatching the squirrel. The hawk screeches in victory, flying away with the squirrel. Now over the green, the hawk's crushing talons render the squirrel lifeless. The ball falls out of the squirrel's mouth, takes a couple of hops on the green, and lands right in the hole. The devil's grin turns to a smirk as he looks at Jesus and says, "So ya' wanna play golf...or just fuck around all day?"
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| Posted by Taz Mania on 09-Aug-2005 | Happy cockThe cat was chasing the rooster one day.
The rooster ran around the pole the cat ran around the pole.
The rooster ran under the fence the cat ran under the fence.
The rooster jumped over the puddle the cat fell in the puddle.
What's the moral of the story?
wherever there is a wet pussy there is a happy cock.
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| Posted by Brittany E. Stange on 09-Aug-2005 | Eye TestAn Optometrist was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. He placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,
- "Cover your right eye with your hand."
The man read the 20/20 line perfectly.
- "Now your left."
Again, a flawless read.
- "Now both," The Optometrist requested. There was silence. The man couldn't even read the large E on the top line. The Optometrist turned and discovered that the man had done exactly what he'd been asked: he was standing there with both his eyes covered.
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