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():nerd jokes (650): That's the ugliest baby *


Posted by ruchi on 13-Aug-2005

That's the ugliest baby *

A woman gets on a bus holding a baby.

The bus driver says, ''That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen.''

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. ''The bus driver insulted me,'' she fumed.

The man sympathized and said: ''Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers.''

''You're right'' she said. ''I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind.''

''That's a good idea'' the man said. ''Here, let me hold your monkey.''


   

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():nerd jokes (650): A missed John Glenn gag


Posted by Twistie on 13-Aug-2005

A missed John Glenn gag

Circulating the Web when John Glen was on his shuttle mssion.

URGENT!! Please distribute this to everyone (on Earth, that is) you know.

When John Glenn returns from space, everybody dress in ape suits. We have 6 days in which to bury the Statue of Liberty up to her head.


   

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():nerd jokes (650): Anniversary News


Posted by Imfuktup Man on 13-Aug-2005

Anniversary News

The wealthy couple were celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary. Their three grown sons joined them for dinner. The old man was rather irritated when he discovered that none of the boys had bothered to bring a gift, and after the meal, he drew them aside.

'You're all grown men,' he said, 'and old enough to hear this. Your mother and I have never been legally married.'

'What?' gasped one of the sons. 'Do you mean to say we're all bastards?'

'Yes,' snapped the old man, closing the trap, 'and cheap ones, too!'


   

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():nerd jokes (650): Endangered Species


Posted by chicken E. taste on 13-Aug-2005

Endangered Species

One beautiful autumn day, a Park Ranger discovered a man sitting in the woods chewing away on a dead Bald Eagle.

'Hey mister, the Bald Eagle is a protected species, and killing one is punishable offence', said the Park Ranger.

The man was swiftly arrested, and ushered before the judge.

In court, he pleaded innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation.

'I was so hungry' complained the defensive camper, 'the Bald Eagle was the only food I could find!'

To everyone's amazement, the judge ruled in his favor.

In the judge's closing statement he asked the man, 'I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it. But I'd like to know: What did it taste like?'

The man answered, 'Well, it tasted like a cross between a Whooping Crane and a Spotted Owl.'


   

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():nerd jokes (650): Carpentry errors. . .


Posted by AmBeRrrrrrrr on 13-Aug-2005
Carpentry errors. . .
A carpet-layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. 'No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. 'Here,' she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. 'I found them in the hallway.'

'Now,' she said, 'if only I could find my parakeet. '


   

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():nerd jokes (650): Hey! Hay!


Posted by Jackson Relter on 13-Aug-2005
Hey! Hay!
A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.

'You look hot, my son,' said the cleric. 'why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand.'

'No thanks,' said the young man. 'My father wouldn't like it.'

'Don't be silly,' the minister said. 'Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.'

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, 'Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!'

'Well,' replied the young farmer, 'he's under the load of hay.'


   

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