|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by stephen w. mckenna on 14-Aug-2005 | The 12 Days of an AOL ChristmasOn the twelveth day of AOL those Bozos gave to me:
12 reasons to cancel,
11 channels not working,
10 hours without mail
9 frozen chat rooms,
8 hours of busy signals,
7 frozen IMs,
6 disconnections,
5 web crashes,
4 idiots at tech
3 error messages
2 pieces of junk mail (just 2?)
and a jerk cursing in a chat room!
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
():holiday jokes (333): The "Politically Correct" Days of Christmas... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Mike T. Bokinskie on 14-Aug-2005 | The "Politically Correct" Days of Christmas...On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my
Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to
me:
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members
in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their
union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),
TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal
ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products
from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic
incarceration, (NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front
threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French
hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To
avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has
been revised.)
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs
THREE deconstructionist poets
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses
and...
ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree. Merry
Christmas Happy Chanukah. Good Kwanzaa. Blessed Yule. Oh, heck! Happy
Holidays!!!! (unless otherwise prohibited by law) *
*Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder
(SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for
celebration with suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
():holiday jokes (333): Top Ten Signs You're Too Old To Be Trick Or Treati |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by dan mcclenaghan on 14-Aug-2005 | Top Ten Signs You're Too Old To Be Trick Or Treati10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your
balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not
wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't
remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining
orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge
your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a
walker.
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-spouses live
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Chuckler on 14-Aug-2005 | Two old menOne day two old men decided to go to London. That meant that they will
have to take a bus to the nearest town and catch a train there,they never
went on a train before. To eat on the journey they brought bananas, they
haven't eaten bananas before, either. On the train one of them decided to
eat his banana just as the train entered a tunnel.
"Did you eat your banana yet?" asked the man who ate his banana.
"No" replied his partner.
"Well don't, I just ate mine and went blind for a few minutes"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Bill D. Williams on 14-Aug-2005 | SantaAs a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And
what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then
gasped, "Didn't you get my E-mail?!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by David S. Cornwell on 14-Aug-2005 | Visit Between the HolidaysIf your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I
visit you between the holidays?
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
