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The cat, the fly, and the fish

One day there was a cat wtaching the fish watching a fly above
the water and the fish was thinking if that fly drops 6 inches I
can jump up and eat it. The cat was thinkng if the fly drops 6
inches and the fish jumps up to get it I can catch the fish and
eat it. Well, the fly dropped 6 inches, the fish jumped, the cat
missed the fish and fell in the pond.
The moral of the story is that when the fly drops 6 inches the
pussy gets wet.

8 people have rated this joke:

8.38/10


	():other funny jokes (4827): Life Reflections by George Carlin

Posted by Shannon Swiney on 14-Aug-2005

Life Reflections by George Carlin

1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin
unprotected.

2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore
helmets.

5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been
more specific.

7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you,
but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot,
but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five
miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea
where she is.

10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I
lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody
stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of
them.

11. One out of every three Canadians is suffering from some form
of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they
are OK, then it must be you.

12. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think
if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your
laundry isn't your biggest problem.

13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they
tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my
wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the
wall.

14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede
jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that
jacket?" I said "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now
I'll have to kill you too".

15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter
Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and
the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore

9 people have rated this joke:

8.11/10


	():other funny jokes (4827): Rules to live by

Posted by WilloLuvsSocks on 09-Aug-2005

Rules to live by

Sometimes we need to remember WHAT the Rules of life really are.

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three alcoholic beverages of any kind.

2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and
shouldn't, use the tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right".

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was: "Go! You might meet somebody!"

7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them.

8. Learn to pick your battles. Ask yourself, 'Will this matter one year from now? How about one month?
One week? One day?'

9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just
might mean that the other person was right about you.

12. Work is good, but it's not that important.

13. And finally, be really nice to your friends and family. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

Submitted by Curtis
Editted by Tantilazing

3 people have rated this joke:

7.33/10