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| Posted by Falcon Falcon on 11-Aug-2005 | The Christmas BikeA little boy just got a brand new bike for Christmas and was riding down it down the street. He stopped at a red light next to a Police Officer on a horse.
The Police Officer asked the boy "Did Santa bring you that new bike?" the boy replied "Yes!"
"It looks like Santa forgot to put reflextors on the back of your bike" said the Police Officer, "The next time I see you there better be reflextors on your bike!" said the Police Officer.
The little boy replied "Yes Sir".
"Officer, can I ask you a question?" said the little boy.
"Yes", said the Officer.
"Did Santa bring you that horse?" asked the boy.
"Yes he did!" said the officer.
"Oh, if I ever get a horse I'm going to ask Santa to put the dick under the horse instead of on top!!!!" said the boy.
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| Posted by kalee on 11-Aug-2005 | Things That Sound Dirty* "Whew, that's one terrific spread!"
* "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."
* "Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."
* "Talk about a huge breast!"
* "It's Cool Whip time!"
* "If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"
* "Are you ready for seconds yet?"
* "Are you going to come again next Year?"
* "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"
* "Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"
* "Don't play with your meat."
* "Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."
* "Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"
* "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
* "You still have a little bit on your chin."
* "Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."
* "How long will it take after you stick it in?"
* "You'll know it's ready when it pops up."
* "Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"
* "How many are coming?"
* "That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"
* "Just lay back & take it easy...I'll do the rest."
* "How long do I beat it before it's ready?"
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| Posted by Lili M. B on 11-Aug-2005 | Top 15 Rejected Christmas15. "Miracle and a Quickie on 42nd Street -- A Times Square Christmas"
14. Spike Lee's "Get On the Sleigh"
13. Van Damme IS "Santa Claude"
12. Michael Jackson stars in "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas"
11. "The Deep II -- A Chappaquiddick Holiday with Uncle Ted"
10. "There's No Santa Claus, Charlie Brown"
9. The spoiled brats ask for the moon and Santa delivers, in "Naked Buns II"
8. Mickey Rooney & Andy Rooney in "Grumpy Old Elves"
7. Ross Perot as the autistic elf in "Reindeer Man" ("Of course, I'd be an excellent President.")
6. "It's a Wonderful Life, My Ass -- Pass the Malt Liquor"
5. Steven Segal IS "MissleToe"
4. Jane Fonda, Julia Roberts and Elizabeth Shue in "Ho, Ho, Ho!"
3. He's got a red nose and an Uzi. And he's about to teach them some "new" reindeer games in "Rudolph II -- First Blood"
2. "Blazing Saddles 2 -- How the Stench Stole Christmas"
1. "No, YOU Open It!" -- 'A Ted Kaczynski Christmas'
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| Posted by Alli E. Suriani on 11-Aug-2005 | You Killed the Easter Bunny!A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.
A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?"
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.
Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around and waved again. Then he hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!
The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in Heaven's name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said, "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
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| Posted by Douglas D. Badong on 09-Aug-2005 | Top 16 Passover Pickup Lines...
Top 16 Passover Pickup Lines
16. Let's play 'bury the shank bone'.
15. Gefilte fish jelly makes great lubrication.
14. I hear that horseradish is an aphrodisiac.
13. Have you ever done it on a seder plate?
12. Maybe when Elijah comes, we can make it a threesome.
11. Let's make this night really different from all others nights.
10. Want to wander through my desert?
9. Nice Hagadah!!!
8. What's a girl like you doing at a seder like this?
7. Rabeinu, Moshe Rabeinu. OO7!
6. Would you like to play with my matzah balls?
5. Can I part your Red Sea?
4. There's no law against leavened _______!!!
3. I've got a Ramses in my pockets that wants to put you back into slavery!
2. May I climb your Mt. Sinai's?
AND THE NUMBER ONE PASSOVER PICKUP LINE....
1. Wanna look for MY afeikomen?
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