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| Posted by hotti4u on 14-Aug-2005 | The DaiquiriA doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.
One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.
The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"
"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
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2 people have rated this joke: |
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():bar jokes (2610): A mushroom walks into a bar |
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| Posted by Krissy J on 10-Aug-2005 | A mushroom walks into a barA mushroom walks into a bar one evening, sits down, and orders a drink.
The bartender then informs him that they do not serve mushrooms.
"Why not?" asks the mushroom, "I'm a fungi!"
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3 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by Courtney A. Owen on 09-Aug-2005 | Taxman wins $1000The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.
Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice "I'd like to try the bet"
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass!!
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"
The scrawny little man replied "I work for the IRS."
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4 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by Basketball Babe on 09-Aug-2005 | Monkey ate pool ballA guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey is running wild.
The monkey jumps up on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender is livid and says to the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No. What did that stupid shit do this time?", says the patron.
"Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool table, whole", says the bartender.
"Yeah, well I hope it kills the little fucker because he's been driving me nuts", says the patron.
The guy finishes his drink and leaves.
Two weeks later he comes back in with the monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running wild around the bar again.
While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a grape on the bar.
He grabs the grape, sticks it up his ass, then pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?", he asks.
"What now?", responds the patron.
"Well, he stuck a grape up his ass, then pulled it out and ate it", says the barkeeper.
"Well, what did you expect?", replied the patron. "Ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"
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4 people have rated this joke: |
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():bar jokes (2610): Yo mama so big that when she went bunji jumping... |
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| Posted by Hansen H. Lieu on 13-Aug-2005 | Yo mama so big that when she went bunji jumping...Yo mama so big that when she went bunji jumping with a yellow dress everybody thought the sun was falling.
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| Posted by Jimmy White on 14-Aug-2005 | Which Bus?A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the
aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, I've got news for you.
"You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Dammmmmn, I'm on
the wrong bus!"
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4 people have rated this joke: |
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