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| Posted by Tim Lucky on 14-Aug-2005 | The Detective's VisitorOnce,there was a detective who was just moving in to his new
office. He heard a knock on the door. He wanted to make a good
impression since he was new, so he pretended to be on the phone.
The man waited patiently. The detective hung up. "As you can
se,I'm very busy,"said the detective. "What can I do for you?"
"Not much," replied the man. "I'm here to hook up your phone,"
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| Posted by K T. C on 14-Aug-2005 | SpeedOne day a guy was walking down a street when all of the sudden
he got mugged. The gang that mugged him took everything even
his clothes. So he just sat down in the middle of the sidewalk
in all of his despair. Then the hottest chick he has ever seen
drives up in a ferrari and asks him if he would like a ride? Of
course he says yes so he walks over to the car and opens the
door once she sees that he absoloutely no clothes on she slams
the door shut and statrs to drive off. Once at ten mph she
notices something looks to her side and see's that guy there
running right next to her so she speeds up to 20 he is still
there so up to 30 still there. This goes on till she gets to 60
mph. When she stops the car she asks "dang how can you run that
fast?" to which he replies "you could run that fast too if yuo
had your dick stuck in the door!"
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| Posted by Roxie R. Bass on 14-Aug-2005 | Men captured by IndiansThree guys are captured by Indians. Before they're to be skinned
to make canoes the Indians will grant them one last request. The
first guy asks for a T-Bone steak. So they get him a T-Bone
steak, skin him, and make him into a canoe.
They come to the second guy. He asks to watch a football
game. They arrange for him to watch a football game, skin him,
and make him into a canoe.
They come to the third guy and he asks for a fork. The
Indians think hes retarded or something but they finally give
him a fork. They ask him what he's gonna do with it. He
immediatley starts stabbing himself, screaming, "You're not
gonna make a canoe out of ME!!".
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| Posted by missa whowantstoknow on 14-Aug-2005 | KIDS SAY THE MOST HONEST THINGSWhen I was six months pregnant with my third child, my
three-year-old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower.
She said, Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey,
remember
Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, "but what is growing in your butt?"
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| Posted by sick on 14-Aug-2005 | 3 guys and a fruit farmerThere were once 3 guys named Bob, Joe, and Jack. They were all
walking through a field when they came across this sign that
said: THIS PROPERTY BELONGS TO A HOMICIDAL FRUIT FARMER.
TRESPASSERS WILL BE KILLED!
The 3 guys ignored it, thought it was just crap. They were
walking for a few more minutes when suddenly they heard a gun
shot, they all froze and saw this little farmer with a shot gun
running at them.
He yelled at them, "Didn't you see the damn sign?! Now I have to
kill all of you!"
The 3 guys were completely freaked.
"But I'll give you a chance," the farmer continued, "choose a
fruit and shove it up your ass, if you don't laugh I let you
live."
Bob went first, he had some cherries, he shoved them up his
butt, laughed and was immediately blown away.
Joe came up next with a n orange, shoved it up his butt, laughed
and was killed by the farmer.
The two guys meet in heaven. Joe asks Bob, "Why did you laugh?"
Bob replied, "It tickled, why did you laugh?"
"Well," Joe replied stiffling a giggle, "because I saw Jack
running up with a watermelon!"
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| Posted by yazziegurl on 14-Aug-2005 | When I Was Your Age
My uncle said, "How do you get to school?"
"By bus," I said. My uncle smiled.
"When I was your age, I walked barefoot a whole mile."
My uncle said, "How much weight can you lift?"
"Seven pounds," I replied. My uncle laughed.
"When I was your age, I could lift a calf."
"How many fights have you had?" my uncle asked.
"Two," I replied, "and I got whipped both times."
"When I was your age, I had four fights every day, and I was
never beaten."
My uncle asked, "How old are you?"
I said, "Seven and a half." My uncle huffed out his chest and
said, "When I was your age...
I was eight."
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