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| Posted by Gothic Bitch on 14-Aug-2005 | the english cat and the french catthere was an english cat called one two three and there was a
french cat called un don twa
any way they decided to hav a race across the english channel
the one two three cat made it but the un don twa cat sank
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| Posted by Michael Pothitos on 14-Aug-2005 | AnimalsOne day a boy was getting ready for school. He fell asleep in
his uniform and his pet cat pissed on him. He couldn't change
his shirt because his mom told him to go. As he was walking to
school a squirrel jumped on him and left red stuff on his back.
Then in crawled in his pants and bit his nuts off.Then it ran
away with his nuts. Then he picked up a slug and it pooped on
him. Everyone found out he got raped by a squirrel. And it had a
period on him. And after school a dog pooped on his shoe.
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| Posted by ASS HOLE on 14-Aug-2005 | The Amazing Talking DogA man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, "I'll bet
you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."
Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead."
Man: "What covers a house?"
Dog: "Roof!"
Man: "How does sandpaper feel?"
Dog: "Rough!"
Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time?"
Dog: "Ruth!"
Man: "Pay up. I told you he could talk."
The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out
the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and
says, "or is the greatest player Mantle?"
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| Posted by Dete on 14-Aug-2005 | Pussy CatOne day a fly was flying over a lake. In the lake a trout said
to himself, "If that fly will drop four inches, I can jump out
and catch it." Behind a shrub a bear said to himself, "If that
fly will drop four inches, the trout will jump out of the water
and catch it, so I can reach out and grab the trout." On a hill
sat a hunter who said, "If that fly will drop four inches, the
trout will jump out of the water and catch it, the bear will
reach out and grab the trout, and it will expose him for a clear
shot." Behind A bush there was a rat who said, "If that fly will
drop four inches, the trout will jump out of the water and catch
it, the bear will reach out and grab the trout, the hunter will
have a clear shot at the bear and run down to get his kill, and
I can steal his food." Behind a tree was a cat who said, "If
that fly will drop four inches, the trout will jump out of the
water and catch it, the bear will reach out and grab the trout,
the hunter will have a clear shot at the bear and run down to
get his kill, the rat will steal the hunter's food, and I can
pounce on the rat." Well, everything began: the fly dropped four
inches, the trout caught the fly, the bear reached out and
grabbed the trout exposing himself, the hunter shot the bear and
ran down for his kill, the rat stole the hunter's food, and the
cat tripped and rolled all the way down the hill into the lake.
Moral: When the fly drops, the pussy gets wet.
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| Posted by Amanda Hugandkiss on 08-Aug-2005 | Down and dirty!A lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods.
Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with poop, crossed her path.
"Oh, my," exclaimed the lady, "Come on, I'll clean you!"
She took a Kleenex from her purse and cleaned the little critter.
She walked a little farther and another duck, with poop all over it, crossed her way. Again she took a Kleenex and cleaned the little bird.
Then she encountered a third duck, with the same problem.
And for the third time, she acted like a Florence Nightingale.
She walked on still farther and she heard a voice from the bushes calling... Pssssst..."Hey, lady!"
"Yes?" she responded.
"Do you have a Kleenex?" asked the voice from the bushes.
"No, not anymore," she answered.
"Damn! Have ya' seen any Ducks?"
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| Posted by brittany l. fint on 08-Aug-2005 | The great rabbit escape!A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. 'Wow, this is great,' he thought.
It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
"Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"
"Yes. Come and join us," they cried.
Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. I tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked.
"Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them."
This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful.
Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?"
"You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well."
The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. "Is there anything else you guys do?" he asked.
One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly.
"There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there, "he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. "They're girls. We shag them. Go and try it."
Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning shagging his little heart out until, completely spent, he staggered back over to the guys.
"That was fantastic," he panted.
"So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked.
"I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't."
The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here."
"I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette!"
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