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| Posted by Johan B. Kool on 09-Aug-2005 | The Golden ToiletA group of guys are on their way to a party, but couldn't quite remember the address to the house. ''I'm sure this is the one," said the driver. ''Well, I have got to go to the bathroom SO BAD.'' Replied one of the others, ''I'll go knock on the door, and check. If it's the wrong house, at least I'll get to a toilet!''
So he gets out and walks to the front door. He rings it once....No answer. He rings it again.....Still no answer. So, he thinks, ''This is a big house, big party, maybe the party is outside, in the backyard.'' So he walks around the house to the back, there was no one out there either. As he aproached the back door, he was suprized to find it unlocked, and opened. There was obviously no one home, so he figured he'd just quietly run inside real quick, and use there bathroom, no one would know. So, he goes inside but he can't find the bathroom anywhere. So, he quickly ran up the stairs and searched, and searched, till finally as he opened a door to a small room, he was amazed to find a GOLDEN TOILET. He had never seen anything like it, but remembering that he was in a stranger's house, and that they could at anytime return home, he quickly did his business and walked out. As he got in the car he excitedly told his friends of the AMAZING GOLDEN TOILET. They laughed in disbelief at his crazy tale. They pulled out of the driveway, arguing about it. They argued the whole way to the party.
A couple of hours later, on the way home from the party. They drive past the house with the GOLDEN TOILET. And they guy insists on stopping so he could prove to his friends the these people really did have a GOLDEN TOILET. So, they agree to check it out. So they all walk up to the front door and ring the door bell. And a woman answers the door. ''Excuse me maam, but could you please let me show my friends here your GOLDEN TOILET, they don't believe me!'' ''So YOU'RE the guy!'' The woman replies, then yells to her husband in the house, ''HONEY!?!...HERES THE GUY THAT POOPED IN YOUR TUBA!'''
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| Posted by Meggi-Poo on 09-Aug-2005 | Women DriverA woman and a man are involved in a car accident.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
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| Posted by J S. M on 09-Aug-2005 | You Know You're1. Your salary is less than your tuition. 2. Your potted plants stay alive. 3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd. 4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 5. You have to pay your own credit card bill. 6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal. 7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year. 8. 8:00a.m. is not early. 9. You have to file for your own taxes. 10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work. 11. You're not carded anymore. 12. You carry an umbrella. 13. You learn that "Bachelor" is a nicer term for a jackass. 14.
"Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary, which is a little less than your allowance used to be. 15.
"Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid, and not married. 16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up, and divorce instead of break-up. 17. You start watching the weather channel. 18. Jeans and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe. 19. You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack. 20. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7. 21. You stop confusing 401K plan with 10K run. 22. You go to parties that the police don't raid. 23. Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you. 24. You don't know what time Wendy's closes anymore. 25. Your car insurance goes down. 26. You refer to college students as kids. 27. You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon, and rum.
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| Posted by SARA N. DUCEY on 09-Aug-2005 | USS LincolnTranscript of the actual radio conversation, of a US Naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland.
Canadian: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you must divert your course.
Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, I say again, that's one five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of these ships.
Canadians: This is the Newfoundland lighthouse. Your call!
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| Posted by Candy baby on 09-Aug-2005 | Curious GeorgeWhat did the man in the big yellow hat have to do every day when Curious George broke a glass or a plate?
Spank his monkey.
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| Posted by NeRo S. Smith on 09-Aug-2005 | New York State of MiDo you know why New Yorkers are always so depressed? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
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