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| Posted by bugzaboo on 12-Aug-2005 | The mime!I put a blank cassette tape in my tape stereo last night and turned
the volume all the way up....the mime next door went nuts!
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| Posted by Leeann Katchmazenski on 12-Aug-2005 | Phone NumberRing Ring...
Hello, who is it?
Is your phone number 13498732?
No.
So, why did you pick up the phone?
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| Posted by lafonda on 13-Aug-2005 | RetardQ:How do u get 5 retards into an ambulance??
A:2 in the front 2 in the back and the other on the top making the siren sound effects.
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| Posted by Smart Fool on 12-Aug-2005 | Window washersThere were 3 male windowwashers. One Mexican one American and one Polish. At lunch break one day the Mexican opened his lunch and got a burrito. He said,\"man if i get another burrito im gonna jump.\" The American said,\"if i get another bologna sandwich im gonna jump.\" The Polish guy said,\"if i get another sausage im gonna jump. The next day they all commited suicide. At their funerals the Mexican wife said,\" If only I would have known he didnt want another burrito i would have packed him something else.\" The Polish wife said,\" I would have packed my hubbie something else if i wouldve known.\" Then they turned and looked at the American wife. She said, \"what are u looking at me for, he packs his own lunches.\"
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| Posted by Joe Skager on 12-Aug-2005 | Nice ParrotThere was a man who traveled all around the world. Every city he stopped in he would buy something for his mother and send it to her. On one such stop he found a parrot that spoke thirty different languages. He immediately bought it and sent it home to his mother.
A few days later he calls his mother. "Did you like the parrot?" he asked her.
"Oh yes," she replied. "It was delicious."
"WHAT!" the man cried. "You ate it? That parrot wasn't for you to eat! It spoke thirty languages!"
The mother paused for a moment and then said, "So why didn't he say something?"
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():nerd jokes (650): Stupid People (here's your sign) |
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| Posted by Adrian L. Campbell on 13-Aug-2005 | Stupid People (here's your sign)Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope -Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.
I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning..ok..no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked "So..is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said "no I'm delivering' a bridge...here's your sign."
I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said "Are you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign."
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