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| Posted by Jameelah S. Bullock on 08-Aug-2005 | The Ocotpus!A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender "give us two beers over here!"
The bartender walks over and see's the octopus and he says, "Didn't you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!"
The man say's to the bartender, "oh but you don't understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have."
The bartender replied back, "well I'll tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!"
The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar. He puts it down on the bar.
The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. He's so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks!
The bartender was amazed and says, "alright lets try one more".
This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on the bar and says "lets see him play this!"
The octopus starts crawling all over the bagpipes. He continues this for quite awhile.
The bartender shouted out " See I knew he couldn't play all these instruments!"
And the man replies, "Just give him a few more minutes...
as soon as he figures out he can't have sex with it, he'll play it!"
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| Posted by iggy1 on 08-Aug-2005 | Dead RabbitThis guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbor is going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?". The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. er.. no.. what happened?". The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day. But the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"
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| Posted by Brandy M. Richmond on 08-Aug-2005 | Three legged DonkeyWhat do you call a donkey with three legs?
A wonkey!
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| Posted by Scott Me on 08-Aug-2005 | Clown fishQ: How does a clown fish get it`s stripes?
A: It spends time in jail.
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| Posted by Kurt M. Pluck on 10-Aug-2005 | Dog TrainDuring WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for
three months, when he was finally given a week of R & R. He caught a supply boat
to a supply base in the south of England, and then caught a train to London.
The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on
his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit down.
Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was room for
two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British
lady with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her.
Could I please sit in that seat?
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| Posted by Taija on 10-Aug-2005 | A sourpuss!Q: What do you call a cat who eats lemons?
A: A sourpuss!
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