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| Posted by Joe Skager on 14-Aug-2005 | The ParrotA lady was waiting for a plumber to arrive to fix her sink. She
figured she had a couple minutes before he came so she ran out
to do an errand. As soon as she left the plumber showed up. The
plumber rang the doorbell.
"Who is it?" said the lady's parrot ("Who is it" was the only
phrase it ever learned)
"It's the plumber" shouted the plumber.
"Who is it?" repeated the parrot
"It's the plumber" the plumber said a little louder.
"Who is it?" said the parrot.
"IT"S THE PLUMBER!" screamed the plumber.
"Who is it?"
"IT'S THE !@#$%^&* PLUMBER!" said the plumber while jumping up
and down and screaming. Suddenly the plumber had a heart attack.
The lady finally showed up at her door to see the man laying
dead on her front porch.
"who is it" asked the lady.
And the parrot chimed in with, "It's the plumber!"
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| Posted by Brian G. Hurley on 14-Aug-2005 | puddles? three ducks walk into a bar, the bar tender askes the first one
"whats your name?" the duck replies "tom, i've had a wonderfull
day i've been playing in puddles in and out over and through! it
was fun!" the bar tender says "i bet it was" and he goes to the
seconde duck "whats your name?" the duck replies "i am dick, and
i've had a wonderfull day i was playing in puddles in and out
over and through it was fun!" and the bartender says "i bet it
was" then he goes to the third duck "i bet your name is harry!"
"no" the duck replies "my name is puddles and you don't wanna no
what kind of day i had".
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| Posted by Ryan I. Mehmi on 14-Aug-2005 | The Horse in the BarA man walks into a bar one day to see a horse tied up to a stool
with a bucket full of five dollar bills beside him. The man goes
up to the bartender and says,"Hey, whats going on with the
horse?" the bartender replies, "You put five dollars into that
bucket and if you can make that horse laugh, you can take home
all the money." the guy figures its worth a shot so he puts five
dollars into the bucket and whispers into the horses ear. The
horse looks dazed for a moment and then starts laughing
uncontrolably. The man picks up the bucket and silently walks
out.
The next day, the same man walks into the same bar and sees the
same horse. He goes up to the bartender and says, "same thing
today?" the bartender says, "Nah, today you gotta make him cry"
so the guy puts a five into the bucket and leads the horse into
another room. A couple of minutes later the guy and the horse
come back. The horse is sobbing and weeping all over the place.
The man picks up the bucket and is about to walk out the door
when the bartender says, "Hey, pal, wait up. What did you do to
that animal? I've got to know." The man smiles and simply
replies, "Well the first day I told the horse I had a bigger
dick than he did, and today I proved it."
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| Posted by lil'devil on 14-Aug-2005 | Dead catA little boy went up to his mum one day and said: "guess what
mummy? I found a dead cat!" So his mum said "are you sure it's
dead?"
The little boy said - "yes! I know it's dead because i pissed in
its ear and it didn't wake up!"
"You did WHAT??!!!" Exclaimed his mother.
"you know" said her son "i went pssst in its ear and it didn't
stir!!"
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| Posted by Keith Mc Laughlin on 14-Aug-2005 | panda in pubA panda enters the pub and asks the barman for a pint and a blt.
The baramn serves him and carriess on with his job.
When the panda has finished his pint and his blt he gets up,
pulls out a gun and shoots dead the man playing the piano.
The panda is about the leave when the barman says "you can't
just leave, you have just shot my best piano player"
"Yes i can" says the panda. "you look panda up in the dictionary"
the barman is confused so he goes home and gets out his
dictionary. he looks up panda and there it says
"Panda - eats shoots and leaves"
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| Posted by Amanda L. Graves on 14-Aug-2005 | Hungry PetA woman walks into a pet store and tells the owner, "I'm looking
for something small and furry. I don't want a dog or a cat, I
really want something original, and something with a healthy
appetite."
The owner says, "I have just the pet for you." He goes into the
back and comes out with a small fuzzball.
"That's it?" the woman asks.
"Yep. It's called a fuzzball. It's cute, one-of-a-kind, and
eats a lot."
"Well, okay," the woman says. She bought the pet and went home.
Once there, she wasn't quite sure how to feed it, or even how it
ate. As an experiment, she put some meat on a dish and set it
beside the fuzzball.
"Uh... Fuzzball, food!" she said, and almost instantly, the
fuzzball rolled to the plate and gobbled up the food.
"Oh, this is easy!" she thought, and left a bowl of water for
her pet. "Fuzzball, water!" she said, and the fuzzball devoured
the water, bowl and all.
Later that day, the woman was tired and sat down on her couch.
She decided to find out how her pet was at cuddling.
"Fuzzball, couch!" she called, but the fuzzball came over and
ate the couch. The woman fell to the floor.
That evening, the woman's husband came home. Once he entered
the livingroom, he was shocked to see the couch missing.
"Honey!" he called, angrily. "What happened to the couch?!"
The woman answered, "The fuzzball ate it."
To which her husband replied, "Fuzzball, my ass!"
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