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| Posted by Matt Freeman on 10-Aug-2005 | THE PESSIMISTAn avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended
when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck.
Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature,
and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a
flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and
jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across
the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.
The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything
unusual about my new dog?"
I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim.
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| Posted by Crazy Chick on 10-Aug-2005 | OH-LADY-HOOThree hunters decided if they got separated or lost, they would use the
yodeling cry "oh-lady-hoo" to help locate each other. One hunter got lost and
yelled "oh-lady-hoo" until he was hoarse but to no avail.
When it began to get dark, he gave up trying to find his friends, saw light at
a nearby farmhouse, knocked on the front door and asked the farmer if he could
stay the night.
"No problem," he said, "I've got a spare room you're welcome to use."
Toward morning, the hunter was awakened by the farmer's young daughter as she
slipped into his bed. In no time at all they were going at it hot and heavy and
in a few minutes she had an orgasm. Her cries of ecstasy soon brought an angry
father into the bedroom.
He had a loaded shotgun and said to the hunter, "You better get dressed real
fast 'cause you and me are going down to the barnyard to see if you can haul ass
fast enough to outrun a load of buckshot!"
As soon as they reached the barnyard, the frightened hunter took off like a
scalded cat, jumped high in the air to clear the barnyard fence, thought of his
missing friends, yelled "oh-lady-hoo" and instantly received a full load of
buckshot in his rear end.
As he lay on the ground bleeding profusely, the farmer walked up and said, "I
know my daughter pretty well and had my mind halfway made up not to shoot. But,
when you yelled, 'I got the old lady too,' that changed my mind real quick."
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| Posted by Rambo U. Thirtythree on 10-Aug-2005 | Confucius sayConfucius say that baseball very funny game; man can walk on 4 balls.
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| Posted by Scott Mcrae on 10-Aug-2005 | Sports Is A DragOur [softball] team usually puts the other woman at second base, where the
maximum possible number of males can get there on short notice to help out in
case of emergency. As far as I can tell, our second basewoman is a pretty
good baseball player, better than I am, anyway, but there's no way to know for
sure
because if the ball gets anywhere near her, a male comes barging over
from, say, right field, to deal with it. She's been on the team for three
seasons now, but the males still don't trust her. They know, deep in their
souls, that if she had to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
infant's life, she
probably would elect to save the infant's life, without ever considering
whether there were men on base. - Dave Barry, "Sports Is A Drag"
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| Posted by super p. man on 10-Aug-2005 | For Pete's sake, runA small social club was trying to organize a baseball team. They could only
muster eight players, but were hard put to find a ninth. In desperation, they
called on a new member, an Englishman, to join their team.
During their first game, the Englishman came to bat. On the first pitch, he
knocked the ball out of the park.
"Run!" his teammates cried. "For Pete's sake, run!"
The Brit turned and stared at them icily. "I jolly well shan't run," he
replied. "Why should I? I'm perfectly willing to buy you chaps another ball."
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| Posted by Justin Andre on 10-Aug-2005 | Ever thrown out by a hareThis story was related by a baseball announcer, who attributed it to
HonusWagner.
Way back when Honus played, they didn't have stadium lights and
when it got dark, you couldn't see what you were doing very well.One time, he
was playing in the outfield and the ball was hit his way, but he just lost it in
the darkness. Fortunately, a rabbit was running by at the time and he grabbed
it and threw it to first for the out.This was the very first time anyone was
ever thrown out by a hare.
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