|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Paddy O. Furniture on 11-Aug-2005 | The Professor's NeedsA female student shows up during a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door and kneels at his feet, pleading...
"I would do anything to pass the exam".
She leans closer to him, flipping back her hair, gazing meaningfully into his eyes and sensuously whispers "I mean..., I would do.... anything!!!".
He returns her gaze. "Anything???"
"Oh yes" she said, "anything!"
He stared into her eyes, and in a whisper said "Would you..... Study?"
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
():school humor (1428): 25 Differences Between College And High School |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Nick Myster on 11-Aug-2005 | 25 Differences Between College And High School25 Differences Between College And High School
In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder. In college, on both.
In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide.
In college, there are no tardy slips.
In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends.
In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn't heard of it.)
In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose. That is, as long as the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.
In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you're lucky to ever talk with the professor.
In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration. In college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.
In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your high school final exams ever did.
In high school, when the teacher said, "Good morning," you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, "Good morning," you write it down.
In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college, senior guys hit on freshman girls.
In college, weekends start on Thursday.
In college, it's much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be walking around campus and at what time to find them there.
Once you've obtained the information described in #16, it's much more time-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will be in order to "just happen to bump into him/her."
In college, there's no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.
In college, your dad doesn't pay for dates.
In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.
College men are cuter than high school boys (or college woman are developed).
College women are legal.
In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don't need a note from your parents saying you were skip....uh, sick that day.
In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed. In college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.
In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Nick G. on 11-Aug-2005 | Joke Written By and For RetardsTwo guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing."
Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off. Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing!"
Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head. Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached. The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him. He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday." The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Donald Little on 10-Aug-2005 | Hangover Rating System1 star hangover *
No pain. No real feeling of illness.. Your sleep last night was a mere disco
nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are
able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink
10 bottles of water and still feel this way. Even vegetarians are craving a
Cheeseburger and a side of fries.
2 star hangover **
Slight headache. Don't feel sick, but something is definitely amiss. You may
look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler. The
coffee you chug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling
gut, which is craving a full English breakfast. Last night has wreaked havoc on
your bowels and even though you have a nice demeanor about the office, you are
costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is
aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.
3 star hangover ***
Definite headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely a space cadet and
so not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds
you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the
bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were
in your bed with a dozen donuts and a litre of coke watching Good Morning with
Richard and Judy. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 Sausage
Rolls and a litre of diet coke - yet you haven't peed once.
4 star hangover ****
Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might honk.
You have lost the will to live. Your boss has already lambasted you for being
late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes,
but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving,
(girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars),
your teeth have sweaters, your eyes look like one big vein
and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of
Moss side secondary school circa 1976. You would give a weeks pay for one the
following: 1. Home time, 2. A duvet and somewhere to be alone, or 3. A time
machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before.
5 star hangover (aka Dante's 4th Circle of Hell) *****
You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually scaring the
employee who sits next to you. Death seems pretty good right now. You can't
focus as your eyes are scrunched up against the overpowering glare from your
computer screen Rancid vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore, staining your
shirt and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of
your mouth, at least you think it's toothpaste crust. You don't give a damn
either way. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva and your tongue is
suffocating you. You'd cry but that would take the last of the moisture left in
your body. Talking is not an option. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and
your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You
should have called in sick because all you can manage to do is breathe....very
gently.
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by blackcat on 11-Aug-2005 | East Carolina UniversityQ: How many East Carolina University students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it takes six years!!
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
