|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Sarah M. Love on 14-Aug-2005 | The Red ButtonA man was walking down the road and then he just got a huge urge
to go to the dunny. So he ran into the closest store he could
see.
He said to the female accountant "Can I please use your
toilets!". She replied "we only have a females toilet here".
The man said in an instant "But i really need to go..... I'll
pay ya!"
"Aww, ok but whatever you do DO NOT PRESS THE RED BUTTON!!.
He hands over the money.
He sat down on the toilet and did his business, when he finished
he got up and pulled his pants on and went over to this wall, it
was covered with buttons. So he pushed one, it made a sound like
water flowing down a creek. He pushed another, it sounded like
birds chirping. There was one button that caught his attention,
THE RED BUTTON.
"The lady at the counter told me not to touch the button at all,
how much harm could it do anyway?"
(he moved his finger towards it, then he pulled it away, he did
it again but he couldn't do it.
"Oh! what the Heck!".
Everyone in the store heard a humungous scream, everyone ran
towards the scream," what the hell made that man scream so
loud?" asked someone in the crowd. "He pushed the red
button",The accountant said.
"Whats the red button?",asked the guy again.
"A Tampon Remover", said the accountant
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Kandi Shingler on 14-Aug-2005 | The Amazing FlyA prisoner at the Edmonton Maximum Security Prison started
training a large fly to do tricks. For years, for thousands of
hours,
he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature
high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of
stilts and
sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.
"When you and I get out of here," the jailbird said to the fly.
"we're
going to tour the night-spots and make a fortune."
Finally the day arrived. Fly safely tucked away in his pocket,
(inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to a bar to
celebrate.
At the bar, he brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started
moonwalking. "What about this fly, eh?" he said to the
bartender.
In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy of the
local
newspaper, rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty
swipe.
"Glad you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Damn things are
everywhere."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by leanna on 14-Aug-2005 | A letter to TideDear Tide,
I have always used your product ever since my college days,
because mom says it was the best. One weekend about a month ago,
I was at my girlfriend's place, wearing my new white shirt. Much
to my chagrin, I spilled some red wine on my white shirt. She
made a comment about my drinking problem, one thing lead to
another, and soon I had her blood all over my not-so-nice white
shirt. I tried washing it with her detergent, and it just didn't
do the trick. So, on my way home, I stopped at the store and
picked up a box of new Ultra Tide. It washed the stain so well
that the DNA tests were entirely inconclusive! I can't praise
your product enough. Thank you for saving my life! I must go
now. I also have to send my praise to the makers of Hefty
garbage bags...
Thanks again!
John Smith
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by nazi bob on 14-Aug-2005 | Now, Be NiceTwo college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York
City
subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.
Frank
adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand,
whips
out his wallet, pulls out a couple of dollar bills and gladly
hands
them over to the beggar with a smile.
The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other
passengers.
Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on
earth
did you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only going
to use
it on drugs or booze!!!"
Matt replies, "What...and we weren't?"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by usher on 14-Aug-2005 | Library Fun1)Find one of those carts that has a lot of books that were
returned. Attempt to check them all out at once.
2)See how many library cards on different accounts you can get
before the librarian figures out what's going on.
3)Photocopy your butt.
4)Ask how many books the library has on stealing books (you can
ask a lot of annoying questions like this).
5)Ask for the... well you know... "mature" section.
6)Turn off all of the lights. If someone asks who did it,
reply, "I don't know. It's too dark to tell."
7)Have fun making entertaining wallpapers and screensavers.
I'll submit more as they come to me.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Joe Collins on 14-Aug-2005 | The Notorious HeaddresserTwo ladies were waiting for a bus.One was a red head and the
other was a blonde. The red head really admired the blonde's
hairstyle and asked " Who did your hair, it looks spectacular!"
The blonde smiled as she responded " His name Lou but everybody
calls him 'Headz'. Getting my hair done by him was a jaw
dropping experience." Interested, the red head got Lou's number
from the blonde, so she can have such an extravagant hair
design. She set's an appointment for tuesday, because that was
the day she was going to visit her mom.
When she found Lou's shop , it was in a quiet, discreet area.
She walked in the shop and noticed that there was no chairs. As
she stands at the door, a handsome man comes out of the corner
on the other side of the shop. The red head says "Hello, my
names Sianne and I'm here for an appointment" The man points to
a blue sitting pillow and tells her sit on her knees. Excited,
Sianne sits down on her knees, and waits to be serviced. The man
grabs a pair of scissors. He stands in front of her with his
private in front of her face.
He gets a boner, it pops out of his pants and immediately into
her mouth. He goes through a spasmic orgasm and starts cutting
her hair. When she manages to get his dick out her throat,
before she could get up, he cums all over her hair.
After that, Sianne rises up off of the pillow, and runs out of
the door with her mouth wide open. Lou, follows his client,
watches her throw up the cum all over the sidewalk and hands her
a mirror. When she looked, her jaw surely did drop.,
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
