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| Posted by Ben J. Elias on 13-Aug-2005 | The Singing FrogA mangy looking guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "No way. I don't think you can pay for it."
The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"
The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risqu?©."
"Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the keyboard and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.
The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.
"Money or another miracle else no drink," says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch--a fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.
The guy says, "It's a deal." He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar. The bartender says to the guy, "Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy."
"Not so", says the guy, "the hamster is also a ventriloquist."
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| Posted by Da MaN D on 13-Aug-2005 | Monkey and the Cue BallThis guy walks into a bar with his monkey. The guy sits down next to the bartender and has a few drinks. After a while he has to go the bathroom.
"Will you watch my monkey while I go the bathroom?" the guy asked the bartender.
"Sure.", says the bartender.
As soon as the bartender hits the bathroom, the monkey jumps up, runs across the room to the pool tables and eats the cue-ball.
"What the hell?", the bartender exclaimed.
When the guy came out of the bathroom, the bartender says.
"Guess what?...your damn monkey just ate my cue-ball."
"Oh god.", says the guy. "Here there's $20 and after the monkey passes the cue-ball, I'll sterilize it and bring it back to you, deal?"
The bartender agrees. A week later the guy comes back with his monkey and also returns the cue-ball. He is now on good terms with the bartender. Anyway, the guy has a few drinks and after awhile he needs to go the bathroom. He looks at the bartender and says, "Will you watch my monkey while I go the bathroom?"
"He isn't going to eat the cue-ball is he?", asked the bartender.
"No he's over that.", explained the guy.
Bartender agrees. As soon as the guy hits the bathroom, the monkey jumps up, runs across the room, and gets a peanut out of the peanut bowl. The monkey examines the peanut. Then the monkey puts the peanut up it's ass, pulls the peanut out, and finally eats the peanut.
"What innnnnnn the hellllllll", the bartender exclaimed in a bewildered manner.
The guy comes out of the bathroom.
"Guess what?....your monkey just stuck a peanut up it's ass, and then ate it afterwards.", the bartender explained, still overcome by the act.
"Oh yeah...", the guy acknowledges. "It's just that ever since the cue-ball, he just wants to make sure everything fits."
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