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| Posted by *Little Bebe* on 12-Aug-2005 | The Three IdiotsOnce, there were three guys stranded on an island, and the mainland was 100 miles away.
The first guy swam 25 miles, and drowned.
The second guy swam 50 miles, and drowned.
The third guy swam 99 miles, and said,"I'm tired. I think I'll swim back."
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| Posted by Joe R. Blow on 12-Aug-2005 | Darwin AwardsAs you may already know, THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon
(the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice,
has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene
pool.
And now, for this year's illustrious winner(s):.. drum roll... John
Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington,
decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge,
Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in the
parking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy
enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show.
The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan
was for John--100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over, and then assist his
friend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop on
the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself
crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large branch
which snagged
him by his shorts.
Dangling from the tree, with one arm broken, John looked down and saw a
group of bushes below him. Figuring the bushes would break his fall, John
removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free
himself from the tree. When finally free, John crashed below into Holly
bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his entire body and now being without
his shorts, he was the unwilling victim of a holly
branch penetrating his rectal cavity. To make matters worse, his pocket
knife proceeded to fall with him and landed three inches into his left
thigh.
Seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, Sal decided to throw him
a rope and pull him to safety. However, weighing about 100 pounds less, he
decided the best course of action would be to tie the rope to the pickup
truck. This is when things went from bad to worse. In his drunken state,
Sal put the truck into the wrong gear, pressed on the gas, and crashed
through the fence, landing on and killing his friend. Sal was thrown from
the truck, suffered massive internal injuries and also died at the scene.
Police arrived to find a pickup truck with its driver thrown 100 feet from
the vehicle and upon moving the truck, a half naked man, with numerous
scratches, a holly stick up his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and a pair of
shorts dangling from the tree branches 25 feet in the air.
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| Posted by Gem Gem on 12-Aug-2005 | BrightnessI wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a
knob called 'brightness', but it doesn't work.
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| Posted by Paul C. Rudge on 12-Aug-2005 | Can You See?Bob: Can you see farther during the day or at night?
Joe: During the day of course.
Bob: Wrong! During the day you can only see the sun but at night you can
see the stars.
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| Posted by Chez Bez on 12-Aug-2005 | The 3 Guys in a PlaneThere were 3 guys in a plane. The plane was about to crash.
They each had to throw one item out:
The 1st guy threw out an apple.
The 2nd one threw out a bannana.
The 3rd one threw out a bomb.
There were 3 guys below them. 2 were crying, 1 was laughing.
A guy went up to the 1st one and asked, "Why are you crying?"
He answered, "an Apple hit me on the head.
He went up to the 2nd one and asked, "Why are you crying?"
He answered, "a Bannana hit me on the head."
He went up to the 3rd one and asked, "Why are you laughing?"
He answered, "I farted and my house blew up!"
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():nerd jokes (650): Tech Support for Etch-A-Sketch®... |
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| Posted by Gretchen Ross on 07-Aug-2005 | Tech Support for Etch-A-Sketch®...Tech Support for Etch-A-Sketch®
| Question: | My Etch-A-Sketch has a distorted display.
| | Answer: | Pick it up and shake it.
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| | Question: | My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines
all over the screen.
| | Answer: | Pick it up and shake it.
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| | Question: | How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
| | Answer: | Pick it up and shake it.
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| | Question: | My Etch-A-Sketch has lines that prevent me from doing
my art project.
| | Answer: | Pick it up and shake it.
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| | Question: | How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
| | Answer: | Pick it up and shake it.
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| | Question: | How do I keep from losing my Etch-A-Sketch documents
in the middle of my work?
| | Answer: | Stop shaking it.
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