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| Posted by dawn whispers on 08-Aug-2005 | The Three MolesThere was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.
The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell sausage.
The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said "Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes."
The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles.
The baby mole said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses!"
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| Posted by Tr Howes on 08-Aug-2005 | How To Catch A Polar BearHow do you catch a polar bear?
You dig a hole in the ice and place peas all around it, and when the
polar bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole!
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| Posted by |]rE/-|/|Er on 08-Aug-2005 | The Little Boy Who Was StompingOne day, a little boy, was outside in the backyard stomping on honeybees.
When his father came out and saw what the little boy was doing, he made him stop right away and told the little boy, "That's it for you. No honey for a week."
Well, then the little boy went to the front yard of the house and started stomping on butterflies. When his father saw what Teddy was doing, he made him stop right away and said, "Stomping on butterflies is a terrible thing to do. Just for that, no butter for a week."
After that, little boy and his father went into the kitchen and saw the little boy's mother stomping on cockroaches.
The little boy turned to his father and said, "Should I tell her or should you?"
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| Posted by mike palermo on 08-Aug-2005 | Red Riding HoodLittle Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf.", says Little Red Riding Hood.
The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!!!
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.
"My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf.", says Little Red Riding Hood.
Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away.
About 2 miles down the track, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.
"My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf.", taunts Little Red Riding Hood.
With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams...
"Will you fuck off, I'm trying to take a shit"!
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| Posted by Briman B. Briman on 08-Aug-2005 | Cow Priced Like A CarWhat would happen if we priced our "COWS" using the same criteria the auto industry uses to price a "CAR"?
LIST PRICING A COW
A farmer had been taken several times by the local car dealer. One
day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming over
to purchase a cow. The farmer priced his unit as follows:
BASIC COW.................................................$499.9
Shipping and handling.......................................35.75
Extra Stomach.................................................79.25
Two Tone Exterior..........................................142.10
Produce Storage Compartment.......................126.50
Heavy Duty Straw Chopper.............................189.60
Four Spigot/High Output Drain System.............149.20
Automatic Fly Swatter.......................................88.50
Genuine Cowhide Upholstery...........................179.90
Deluxe Dual Horns............................................59.25
Automatic Fertilizer Attachment........................339.40
4X4 Traction Drive Assembly...........................884.16
Pre-delivery Wash and Comb.............................69.80
______________________________________________
FARMER'S SUGGESTED LIST PRICE: .......$2,843.3
Additional Dealer Adjustments: ............................300.00
TOTAL LIST PRICE (Including Options).........$3,143.36
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| Posted by Alex A. Mistratov on 08-Aug-2005 | Elephant Jokes EightQ: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.
Q: What do you do when you come across an elephant?
A: Wipe it off!
Q: Have you heard about Hannibal crossing the Alps with elephants?
A: None of the offspring survived.
Q: How does the male elephant find the female elephant when she's lying down in tall grass?
A: VERY attractive.
Q: How do you know when an elephant has been screwing in you're yard?
A: The flower beds are crushed and you are missing a garbage bag!
Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road?
A: Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!! (to be sung).
Q: What did he say when he saw a live ant on the road?
A: He stamped it to death and then said "Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!!".
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape?
A: Cosine (Theta) Note: Assumes |elephant| |grape| 1
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mountain climber?
A: Zero - a mountain climber is a scaler.
Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.
Q: What's grey and comes in quarts?
A: An elephant.
Q: What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
A: Swim for your life!!
Q: Why do elephants lay on their backs?
A: To trip low flying canaries.
Q: Why did the elephant have a yellow spot on his ass?
A: He wasn't laying on his back.
Q: Why do elephants have Big Ears?
A: Because Noddy won't pay the ransom. (Noddy is children's storybook character)
Q: Why don't you go into the jungle between 3 and 4 am?
A: Because the elephants are jumping from the trees.
Q: Why are pygmies so short?
A: Because the go into the jungle between 3 and 4 am.
Q: Whats that red stuff between elephants toes?
A: Slow pygmies.
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