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():top list jokes (540): The Top 12 Additional Foreign Translations of English Movie Titles |
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| Posted by Samantha Taraboletti on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 12 Additional Foreign Translations of English Movie Titles12. "The Waterboy" -- "Water Torture, American Style"
11. "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer" -- "Fear Makes Young Women's Breasts Move Up and Down"
10. "Chasing Amy" -- "Boy Gets Girl, Boy Loses Girl, Girl Gets Girl, Girl Loses Girl, Boy Gets Girl Back"
9. "Titanic" -- "Ship Outta Luck"
8. "Scream" -- "Stop Stabbing Me!" "Scream 2" -- "Stop Stabbing Me Again, Dammit!"
7. "Armageddon" -- "Giant Testosterone Ball Crashes to Earth"
6. "Something About Mary" -- "If She Likes the Hair Gel, Wait Till She Sees the Body Lotion!"
5. "Babe: Pig in the City" -- "The Happy Dumpling To Be Who Made Complete Friggin' Idiots Out of The NY Times and ABC News"
4. "Mask of Zorro" -- "My Long Hard Blade Can Help Many Women"
3. "You've Got Mail" -- "I've Put You Out of Business, Now Sleep With Me, Woman!"
2. "Die Hard" -- "Foolish American Overdoses on Viagra"
1. "Patch Adams" -- "Laugh At My Antics Before You Die, Sick Idiots!"
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com]
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| Posted by aaaaa a. aaaaaaaaa on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 13 Least Popular Candy Heart Sayings13. STD FREE
12. UR A WEASEL
11. BE OURS
10. SOY BOMB
9. TONGUE ME
8. BE MY INTERN
7. LOVE?? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, "LOVE"? I SPEND 12 HOURS A DAY CARVING THESE STUPID SAYINGS ON THESE STUPID HEARTS AND YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT LOVE?!?
6. HAIRY CHEST
5. I STALK U
4. ASS FLAVORED!
3. GOT CRABS?
2. R THOSE REAL?
1. VIAGRA 100MG
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 13 Rejected Global Disaster Movie Premises |
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| Posted by I don't have a penis on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 13 Rejected Global Disaster Movie Premises13. "Mitzi the Kitten Goes Postal"
12. "Armageddon '98" -- A giant chunk of Bill Gates's wallet breaks loose and threatens to destroy the earth!
11. "Starring Kevin Costner!"
10. A gigantic bolt of inter-stellar chintz hurtles toward to earth threatening to drape the entire planet in *last* year's color.
9. "Coffee Shortage!"
8. Mysterious geological forces speed up the Earth's rotation, flinging everybody off into space -- except a group of research scientists in Antarctica, who just get incredibly dizzy.
7. "Acnephobia" -- Where will the next one pop up?!
6. "Starbuck Wars" -- Luke Warmwater uses the Dark Roast to save the galaxy from over-priced espresso
5. "Flat Grape Fanta!"
4. "Parmageddon" -- Desperate chefs race to prepare a mammoth bowl of pasta to thwart a mile-wide cheese boulder hurtling toward Earth.
3. "The Day the List Stood Still"
2. "Killer Bugs" -- Handsome computer programmers endure 12 hour work days, risking Carpel Tunnel Syndrome, to save Earth (and a group of buxom supermodels) from deadly bugs from Galaxy Y2K.
1. Fran Drescher in: "Megaphone!"
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| Posted by yazziegurl on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 14 Signs You're at a Bad Air Show14. It's running way behind schedule after 2 1/2 hours of blimp stunt flying.
13. While loop-de-looping over the audience, the "Amazing Olestra Wingwalker" leaves some accidental "vapor trails."
12. Highlight of show is flyover by TelStar Model XC29-3 Communications Satellite .
11. The only Stealth Bomber is someone in the crowd who obviously had a burrito for lunch.
10. You're watching the show from a ski-gondola in the Italian Alps.
9. "Blue Angels" run around the runway with their arms out in a line making motor noises with their lips.
8. Low-flying daredevil aerobatics accompanied by the lilting strains of "Rocky Mountain High."
7. For the kids: free balloon rides with master balloonist Steve Fossett.
6. Hey! Is that a rope around Peter Pan's waist?
5. Final score: Girl Scout Skeet Shooting Team 3, Blue Angels 0
4. "Fifi the Wing-Walking Poodle" has tell-tale nail holes in her feet.
3. Skywriting exhibition consists of the letter "I" and a lower case "l".
2. "Stealth fighter" exhibit looks suspiciously like an empty field.
1. "Flying Tigers" show turns out to be 37 stray kittens and a catapult.
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 18 Signs That Ronald McDonald is Growing Up |
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| Posted by bob bob on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 18 Signs That Ronald McDonald is Growing Up18. No longer signs paychecks in crayon.
17. That new "Mr. Happy Meal."
16. He's got McPubes.
15. Now prefers to be called Ron McDonald.
14. Distinctive odor of bourbon and stale cigars at personal appearances.
13. Two words: sagging buns.
12. Replacing floppy red shoes with floppy black wingtips.
11. Now offering "Happy Hour" Meals.
10. Traded in clown suit for long trench coat.
9. No longer asks women if they want to see his McNuggets.
8. Instead of size 46 shoe, now takes a size 62.
7. Gin has replaced make-up as his nose-reddener.
6. Hamburgler? Sleeping with the fishes.
5. Finally realizes that Pauly Shore isn't funny.
4. That telltale bottle of Clairol Fire Engine Red #4 in his shower.
3. Seen with Jack-in-the-Box at strip clubs stuffing fries down g-strings.
2. Three kids injured in unfortunate stubble incident.
1. Has a McBeergut.
[ This list copyright 1996 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]
[ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com ]
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| Posted by Demon S. Sex on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 16 Pet Peeves of James Bond16. Tomorrow Never Dies, and neither does this blasted cold sore.
15. Despite being knighted by the Queen, still can't get a date with Baby Spice.
14. Getting harder and harder to use his nuclear-powered-heat-seeking-homing-device-in-a-cigarette in California.
13. Q's latest gadget only locates your car keys.
12. Just when you think you've finally found the right girl to settle down with, she tries to jam a pen into your throat.
11. His car may be a computerized, kick-ass arsenal, but try putting a Super Big Gulp in the cup holder.
10. Morons at Jiffy Lube always pouring windshield washer fluid in the Napalm tank.
9. Embarrassing to have girlfriend's name paged when separated at WalMart.
8. If his neighbor pulls that "Finkelbaum. Morris Finkelbaum" crap one more time, he's getting an ice pick in the forehead.
7. New Bond girl, RuPaul, always kicking his ass at arm wrestling.
6. Studio budget cutbacks have him at the wheel of a souped-up 1976 Gremlin with new Bond girl, Bea Arthur.
5. Post-Cold War villains? The evil Dr. Hemorrhoid and the Tucks Twins.
4. Always looks like a ninny in Sean Connery's big-ass shoes.
3. Wet spot in bed usually contains bullet hole.
2. Picture on "License to Kill" looks terrible.
1. Increasing competition for beautiful women spies from American agent Double-Chin-Bubba.
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