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| Posted by Kaylee R on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 12 Cochranisms for ...NOTE FROM CHRIS: Attorney Johnny Cochran, in his defense of O.J. Simpson, came up with the now-famous rhyme, "If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit."
12. If your hair has a smell, it must be that gel.
11. If the coach is a dope, he ought to be choked.
10. If the kids are all crotchety, they must have Tamagachi.
9. If she's loose at the lip, she must be a Tripp.
8. If the Cowboys pay cash, then Irvin didn't slash.
7. If it was written by Carlin, clean your disk out by mornin'.
6. If the talk show stars Magic, it's going to be tragic.
5. If you eat that Olean, your pants won't stay clean.
4. The man's no criminal, if the stain isn't seminal.
3. If your tummy needs Beano, place the blame on El Nino.
2. Only *four* worthless tarts, after Ginger departs.
1. If George Michael's in the stall, better pee in the hall.
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 9 Signs You've Gotten a Bad Hotel Room |
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| Posted by Cinder60 on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 9 Signs You've Gotten a Bad Hotel Room9. The guy at the front desk stares at your chest and asks if you could "sleep facing the clown painting."
8. They don't take American Express, but will consider stereos, VCR's or jewelry.
7. At check-in, the clerk informs you that all of the "Non-Infested" rooms are taken.
6. "Room service" is nothing more than a can of Spam and a bottle of Ripple in a brown paper bag.
5. "Marv Albert wuz here" chewed into headboard.
4. Room service answers, "This better be good, Jerry Springer's on."
3. A second look at the sign out front reveals you're at "Howard's Johnson."
2. Sign out front says, "WELCOME, NAMBLA CONVENTION"
1. "Indian Graveyard Inn" even *sounds* like a bad idea.
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
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| Posted by caryline kelly on 14-Aug-2005 | Jeopardy categories no one wanted to seeToe cheeses of Europe
Songs about inflammation
First awful attempts at baking by pre-teen girls
Other sexual positions for dogs
Hitler's grooming utensils
Granny's fluids
Other people's great sex lives
Accidents with lawn care equipment
We hate to have to inform you of....
Death metal lullabies
Political views of actors & pop musicians
Gilbert Gottfried's operatic interpretations
Brilliant philosophies of Usenet
Love poetry of pederast priests
Why Madonna is a bitch
Psychiatric ward checker matches of Austria
Customized 9-iron handles
Cavalcade of nausea
Alternate heroin injection sites
Snotty New York waiters
Why Frasier & Niles Crane should be sodomized hard
Body hair of Russian athletes
Frilly undergarments of macho military leaders
That pale, sweaty guy next door who stares at you a lot
Microwave oven mishaps
Adventures in Ritalin
Tax code jubilee
How to nurse a baby orangutang
Name that smell
From a roach's point of view
Nasty electrical jolts
Bondage oopsies
That's not chewing gum
Festival of rohypnal
Unintelligible help desk operators of India
Fun with sinuses
Sadistic executive staff policies
Potty training can be fun
Witty come-ons from drunks
People who should never streak
People who should never play Twister
People who should just stay home
People you'd kill with an axe if no one was looking
Buddhism for Klansmen
Love tips of cell block 8
When the USDA looks the other way
Popular DEA agents
FBI informants
RIAA love muffins
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| Posted by Holly K. Ayres on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 16 Interesting Movie Triple Features16> Dazed and Confused/About Last Night/Dude, Where's My Car?
15> Roots/To Die For/Legally Blonde
14> Gridlock'd/Something's Gotta Give/The Human Stain
13> My Dinner With Andre/Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?/There's a Girl in My Soup
12> Marathon Man/My Left Foot/The Color Purple
11> The Sure Thing/In the Bedroom/Gone in 60 Seconds
10> The American President/Devil in a Blue Dress/Say Anything
9> The American President/Clear and Present Danger/Liar, Liar
8> The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?/The Persecution and Assassination of Jean-Paul Marat as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade/Breathless
7> The Rock/The Paper Chase/Edward Scissorhands
6> Blow/The Producers/A Star Is Born
5> A Night at the Opera/Rear Window/The Great Escape
4> What Women Want/Big/Pecker
3> Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice/Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore/What About Bob?
2> Nuts/M*A*S*H/The Howling
1> She's Having a Baby/Stand and Deliver/Scream
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Signs a Stuntperson Is Over the Hill |
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| Posted by I B. Insane on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Signs a Stuntperson Is Over the Hill
15> Suffers a fatal heart attack when startled by the director's shout of "Action!"
14> Doesn't mind working while totally engulfed flames, claiming it helps her arthritis.
13> A high-speed Rascal chase isn't quite what Mr. Tarantino had in mind.
12> The only explosions he sees these days are inside his Depends.
11> A delighted sound editor realizes he won't have to overdub the sounds of bones breaking after all.
10> Still drives his exploding car off a cliff, but now does it with the turn signal on.
9> Needs constant re-takes of his plunge from the hotel balcony because his dentures keep flying out.
8> His pre-stunt preparation includes a hot cup of tea, some stretching exercises and a quick peek at his good-luck photo of Teddy Roosevelt.
7> Once-thrilling car chases now reduced to a Cadillac Fleetwood going 17 mph.
6> The director decides to let Wilford Brimley do his own stunts.
5> He's the film's only Tour de France biker with a huge front tire and a tiny rear one.
4> Politely suggests that "2 Fast 2 Furious" could use a few Studebakers.
3> Has to be rushed to the ER for injuries sustained in the pie-fight scene.
2> Thanks to budgetary constraints and some late-starting Metamucil, that impossible-to-reshoot skydiving sequence just got your film an NC-17 rating.
1> She lands on the mattress 20 seconds before her breasts do.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Dishes Containing Condoms (R-rated version) |
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| Posted by Mindy A. Gotsch on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Dishes Containing Condoms (R-rated version)
15> Porked Loins
14> McRibbed Sandwich
13> Sheath Bars
12> Chicken Trojanzini
11> Rack of Lambskin
10> Glove 'n' Roasted Chicken
9> Chili Con Carnal
8> "The Wilt Chamberlain" sandwich at the Carnegie Deli
7> Pheasant Under Glans
6> Condomleezza Rice
5> Safe Sexchuan Chicken
4> Creme Booyeah
3> Veal Scumbagini
2> Quiche Lorraincoat
1> Newman's Own Chowder [tm]
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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