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| Posted by Rosanna h. Young on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 13 Hard to Find Scavenger Hunt Items13. A dry cleaning ticket from Monica Lewinsky
12. An intersection without a Starbucks
11. A stale Twinkie
10. A Girl Scout leader with a sense of humor
9. A gram of gray matter or a shred of dignity from Washington, DC
8. A 2-liter bottle of Bismuth 209
7. The name and address of that Las Vegas "hostess" who ran off with my wallet whilst I was asleep
6. Joe Piscopo's career
5. A million dollars in small, unmarked bills
4. A Windex sandwich
3. A Radio Shack employee who attended college
2. A volume from Posh Spice's Nietzsche library
1. Osama bin Laden's "Girls of the Arabian Peninsula" exercise video
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 14 Ways Barbie Celebrated her 40th Birthday |
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| Posted by dan hoffman on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 14 Ways Barbie Celebrated her 40th Birthday14. Nobody knows, but they found her naked behind the sofa.
13. Had 40 donuts and make a quick trip to the bathroom.
12. For kicks, told an 11-year-old girl she looked "a little chunky."
11. Got "dollfaced."
10. Same as last year -- had another rib removed.
9. Got jiggy in the barracks with G.I. Joe.
8. Drowned her sorrows in a thimbleful of Barbie Dream Gin while listening to the deafening roar of her biological clock.
7. Dumped Ken. Flashed thong at Bill. Waited for million dollar book deal.
6. Weekly tanning session in an Easy Bake oven.
5. Same as every day -- curled up on a couch watching "The View" with General Foods Viennese coffee blend and Snackwells cookies.
4. Another night searching in vain for Ken's "accessory."
3. Had a big party and invited all her plastic friends -- just like the rest of us do.
2. Ransacked the house looking for that arm the dog chewed off.
1. Gave Ken a red marker and let him draw some nipples.
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 14 Special Powers of the Young Darth Vader |
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| Posted by Warlock Z on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 14 Special Powers of the Young Darth Vader14. Using the Force, young Darth could unhook a bra on the other side of the planet.
13. Could hack into Death Star mainframe to vaporize his violin teacher's house.
12. The power to cause volcanic pimple eruptions on the faces of his mortal enemies.
11. Could make Obi-Wan Kenobi pee his pants by sneaking in his room and putting his hand in warm water.
10. Ability to sweet-talk girls into "rubbing his helmet."
9. For a white kid, he did a pretty damn good James Earl Jones impression.
8. Astounding dodge ball prowess combined with "take no prisoners" attitude resulted in many a beheaded opponent.
7. The old Jedi "your lunch money is mine" trick.
6. Ability to emit a powerful protective force-field after only one bean burrito.
5. Won the high school talent show every year by making the vice principal writhe in pain.
4. Ability to activate "Trouser Saber" at will.
3. The uncanny ability to make all the hottest babes believe that through the constant application of love and understanding *they* can change him.
2. "You don't need to see my I.D. You know I'm old enough to buy beer."
1. Pasty skin + jet-black wardrobe + intense aura of impending doom = Goth babe magnet!
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
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| Posted by Demon S. Sex on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 16 Pet Peeves of James Bond16. Tomorrow Never Dies, and neither does this blasted cold sore.
15. Despite being knighted by the Queen, still can't get a date with Baby Spice.
14. Getting harder and harder to use his nuclear-powered-heat-seeking-homing-device-in-a-cigarette in California.
13. Q's latest gadget only locates your car keys.
12. Just when you think you've finally found the right girl to settle down with, she tries to jam a pen into your throat.
11. His car may be a computerized, kick-ass arsenal, but try putting a Super Big Gulp in the cup holder.
10. Morons at Jiffy Lube always pouring windshield washer fluid in the Napalm tank.
9. Embarrassing to have girlfriend's name paged when separated at WalMart.
8. If his neighbor pulls that "Finkelbaum. Morris Finkelbaum" crap one more time, he's getting an ice pick in the forehead.
7. New Bond girl, RuPaul, always kicking his ass at arm wrestling.
6. Studio budget cutbacks have him at the wheel of a souped-up 1976 Gremlin with new Bond girl, Bea Arthur.
5. Post-Cold War villains? The evil Dr. Hemorrhoid and the Tucks Twins.
4. Always looks like a ninny in Sean Connery's big-ass shoes.
3. Wet spot in bed usually contains bullet hole.
2. Picture on "License to Kill" looks terrible.
1. Increasing competition for beautiful women spies from American agent Double-Chin-Bubba.
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 16 Disney Excuses for Using Haitian Sweatshops |
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| Posted by Bugs Bunny on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 16 Disney Excuses for Using Haitian Sweatshops!6. "Asian sweatshops all booked solid with Nike orders, and Kathie Lee beat us to the Hondurans."
15. "How else could we keep the price of a Disneyworld hot dog at a low $6.25?"
14. "It's super-taxfree-imperialistic-export-price-bodacious."
13. "They're a helluva lot cheaper than those lazy Taiwanese!"
12. "You mean Papa Doc and Baby Doc weren't cartoon characters?"
11. "Hey! When we had a bunch of dwarves working all day in a mine, you thought it was *cute*!"
10. "How the #$@$@%& else can we put a $3 toy in a $2.50 Happy Meal?"
9. "It's a Capitalist world, after all... and we're an uncaring, cheapass company."
8. "Crappiest Place On Earth" sign over factory entrance never fails to make that scamp Eisner giggle on visits.
7. "We're just trying to earn our 'Pirates of the Caribbean' title."
6. "It's all we could afford after we paid those Korean animators 17 cents an hour to make 'The Lion King.'"
5. "It gives those losers at Top 5 something to whine about."
4. "We prefer to think of them as 'enchanted sewing cottages.'"
3. "Mr. Eisner gets a kick out of the fact that the entire factory makes less per day than he makes each time he blinks his eyes."
2. "Hatians learn much more quickly than our second choice, Canadians."
1. "Zip-a-dee-do-dah, Zip-a-dee-ay! 16-hours-for-a-dollar-a-day!"
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Least Popular Names for Street Gangs |
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| Posted by Paul S. Morette on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Least Popular Names for Street Gangs15. The Lords of the Dance
14. The Bitter and Self-Absorbed Grad School Dropouts
13. Delicate Hummels
12. The Joyful Mysteries
11. Tommy Tutone Tappers
10. The Promise Keepers
9. The Bullseyes
8. The Crotchety Out-of-Work Impeachment Managers
7. Los Losers
6. The Tinky Winkys
5. East Side Gandhis
4. Crips@aol.com
3. The G Street Webmasters
2. The Pig-Latin Ings-Kay
1. The Disciples of Tesh
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
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