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| Posted by aaaaa a. aaaaaaaaa on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 13 Least Popular Candy Heart Sayings13. STD FREE
12. UR A WEASEL
11. BE OURS
10. SOY BOMB
9. TONGUE ME
8. BE MY INTERN
7. LOVE?? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, "LOVE"? I SPEND 12 HOURS A DAY CARVING THESE STUPID SAYINGS ON THESE STUPID HEARTS AND YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT LOVE?!?
6. HAIRY CHEST
5. I STALK U
4. ASS FLAVORED!
3. GOT CRABS?
2. R THOSE REAL?
1. VIAGRA 100MG
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com]
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| Posted by JonHui666 on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 13 Surprise Oscar Nominations13. Best Supporting Performance -- (TIE) Catherine Zeta Jones's bra in "The Mask of Zorro" and Salma Hayek's bra in "54"
12. Dan Quayle Continuing-Butt-Of-The-Joke Award -- Pauly Shore
11. Best Use of a "Beard" -- Tom Cruise
10. Best Endorsement of Button-Fly Jeans -- Ben Stiller, "There's Something About Mary"
9. Best Attempt to Convince the Public That *Anyone* Actually Watches MSNBC -- "Deep Impact"
8. Excessive Perkiness Most Likely to Cause Diabetes -- Meg Ryan
7. Best Exaggerated Use of Abundant Cleavage -- Jennifer Love Hewitt
6. Special Texas Chainsaw Massacre Memorial Award for Special Effects -- "Saving Private Ryan"
5. Best Ongoing Celebrity Scam -- The accountants from Price-Waterhouse are sad to report that they cannot reveal the winner in this category due to an injunction from the Church of Scientology.
4. Most Improved Appearance When Depicted as a Cartoon Insect -- Woody Allen
3. Best Performance by a Sharpei -- Walter Mathau
2. Most Successful Combination of Male Nightmares in a Movie Title -- "Shakespeare in Love"
1. Best Product Placement -- America Online in "You've Got Mail"
Best Product, um, Placement -- Ben Stiller's goo in "There's Something About Mary"
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 10 Signs You've Watched Too Much Star Trek |
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| Posted by Jon R. Markman on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 10 Signs You've Watched Too Much Star Trek10) You send weekly love letters to the actress who played the Green Skinned Orion Slave Girl in episode number
9.) You pull the legs off your hamster so you'll have a tribble.
8) You tried to join the Navy just so you could serve aboard the Enterprise.
7) Your wife left you because you wanted her to dress like a Klingon and torture you for information.
6) You went to San Francisco to see if you might bump into Kirk and crew while they were in the 20th Century looking for a whale.
5) Your college thesis was a Comparison of the Illustrious Careers of T. J. Hooker and Captain Kirk.
4) You fly into a homicidal rage anytime people say "Star Trek? Isn't that the one with Luke Skywalker?"
3) You have no life.
2) You recognize more than 4 references on this list.
1) You join NASA, hijack a shuttle, and head for the coordinates you calculated for the planet Vulcan.
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| Posted by Kate Sugar Gal on 14-Aug-2005 | Top Ten Signs You Might Need a New Roommate10.. Has posters of creepy Newsweek covers with "Doe" and "Lewinsky" over his/her bed...
9. Sings the ending to the Flintstones as "an all gay time..."
8 .. Mumbles incoherently to a now green piece of cheddar cheese.
7 .. Frequently looks down at crotch and argues "Lipid, SOLID, Lipid, SOLID...".
6.. His/her toothbrush has tried to make a "run for it".
5.. Claims he had an affair with Bill Clinton and has never left his home state of Montana.
4.. Bought a cage for the dustbunnies and keeps food and water in it for them.
3.. Is the sole attendee for a 12 step program no-one has ever heard of.
2.. Glows when sleeping.
1.. Believes that "up" is relative to the rotation of his home planet.
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| Posted by Troy Bynoe on 14-Aug-2005 | Top Scenes Cut from TitanicTwenty passengers cling to Kate Winslet's implants for safety.
At the two-hour-and-20-minute mark, dinner guest No. 5 throws down his napkin and exclaims, "Will this darn movie ever end?"
A computer-generated Herve Villechaize screams, "De berg, de berg! Boss, de berg!"
Fearing that theme song will go on forever, Celine Dion's grandma leaps from a lifeboat.
Rose's evil betrothed reveals he's really Jack's father and suggests they overthrow the captain and rule the ship together, as father and son.
Captain Clinton shows Rose his dinghy.
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 13 Rejected Global Disaster Movie Premises |
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| Posted by I don't have a penis on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 13 Rejected Global Disaster Movie Premises13. "Mitzi the Kitten Goes Postal"
12. "Armageddon '98" -- A giant chunk of Bill Gates's wallet breaks loose and threatens to destroy the earth!
11. "Starring Kevin Costner!"
10. A gigantic bolt of inter-stellar chintz hurtles toward to earth threatening to drape the entire planet in *last* year's color.
9. "Coffee Shortage!"
8. Mysterious geological forces speed up the Earth's rotation, flinging everybody off into space -- except a group of research scientists in Antarctica, who just get incredibly dizzy.
7. "Acnephobia" -- Where will the next one pop up?!
6. "Starbuck Wars" -- Luke Warmwater uses the Dark Roast to save the galaxy from over-priced espresso
5. "Flat Grape Fanta!"
4. "Parmageddon" -- Desperate chefs race to prepare a mammoth bowl of pasta to thwart a mile-wide cheese boulder hurtling toward Earth.
3. "The Day the List Stood Still"
2. "Killer Bugs" -- Handsome computer programmers endure 12 hour work days, risking Carpel Tunnel Syndrome, to save Earth (and a group of buxom supermodels) from deadly bugs from Galaxy Y2K.
1. Fran Drescher in: "Megaphone!"
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