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The Top 13 Rejected Action Hero Catch Phrases

13> "Let's agree to disagree, punk."

12> "I'll be back. As long as I'm going, do you want anything from the Bath and Body Shop?"

11> "Use the big-ass gun, Luke!"

10> "I'm about to give you one more reason to vote for universal health care!"

9> "I know you are, punk, but what am I?"

8> "You just messed with the wrong motivational speaker, my friend!"

7> "A little song, a little dance, a little can of Whoop-Ass down your pants."

6> "You're going to want to put some ice on that."

5> "Yippie Ki Yay, Mother Superior!"

4> "Where do you want to hurt today?"

3> "Let's mambo with Mr. Pain!"

2> "Do you feel like chicken tonight, punk?"

1> "Justice? You're soaking in it!"

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]

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	():top list jokes (540): The Top 12 Cartoon Character Pick-Up Lines

Posted by stew pid on 14-Aug-2005

The Top 12 Cartoon Character Pick-Up Lines

12> Wimpy -- "I'd gladly pay you Tuesday for a hummer today."

11> Foghorn Leghorn -- "Ah say, boy, ah say, you've got it all wrong. Those little chickens you've been chasing around are roosters. What you want is a big ol' hen, like me."

10> Bart Simpson -- "Eat my shorts, ma'am!"

9> Batman -- "Wanna help to dispel those nasty rumors about me and the Boy Wonder?"

8> Speedy Gonzales -- "Senorita, it's just a nickname!"

7> Pepe LePew -- "But, mon cherie -- I don't smell any worse than anyone else in France."

6> Ross Perot -- "I'm worth $4 billion."

5> Porky Pig -- "L-L-Let's go back to my place and f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fu-f-f-fu... hump."

4> Popeye -- "I'm strong to the finish 'cause I takes Viagra!"

3> Pinocchio -- "Hey, I *am* a woody!"

2> Underdog -- "My heart is for you, my Polly, dear; You are pure and true, can I sniff your rear?"

1> Tweety Bird -- "I wuuuv to eat putty!"

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]

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	():top list jokes (540): Ten times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable

Posted by Amber N. DiDonato on 14-Aug-2005

Ten times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable

There are only ten times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use. They are as follows:

10. "What the @#$% was that?"
----Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

9. "Ghere did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"
----Custer, 1877

8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."
----Einstein, 1938

7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"
----Picasso, 1926

6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?"
----Pythagoras, 526 BC

5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"
----Michelangelo, 1566

4. "Where the @#$% are we?"
----Amelia Earhart, 1937

3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers.... My ass!"
----Noah, 4314 BC

2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"
----Bill Clinton, 1999

1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @%#*^ing mad."
---- Saddam Hussein, March 2003

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	():top list jokes (540): The Top 13 Signs a Video Game Is Too Realistic (Part I)

Posted by Private Private on 14-Aug-2005

The Top 13 Signs a Video Game Is Too Realistic (Part I)

13> One of your Sims just won first place on "American Idol."

12> Those guys outside your house in dark suits after you get to a certain level in "Enter the Matrix"? Those ain't Mormons, Chester.

11> You can't scope with any of the *virtual* hotties, either, dweeb-boy.

10> This game has no monsters, no guns, no crashes -- just Mom yelling to get off the computer and do your homework.

9> Your dark-skinned Sims are deleted from your computer and stored on a server in Guantanamo.

8> For about four days every month, Lara Croft shoots at *you*.

7> The boss on the final level is an evil, arrogant old guy who does nothing but deny you overtime and write unflattering performance reviews.

6> Game limits your running speed based on your smoking habit and the weight recorded during last doctor's visit.

5> Every time the frog gets run over, your shirt gets splattered with blood.

4> Your Sims refuse to do anything you say until you agree to put on a clean T-shirt.

3> Your two regular Internet opponents, "SaddamH" and "binLaden," haven't logged on in weeks now.

2> Guiding your Knicks in the 4th quarter of "NBA Live 2003," you suddenly feel the pressure -- of Latrell Sprewell's fingers around your throat.

1> The newly elected mayor of Vice City? Marion Barry.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]

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	():top list jokes (540): The Top 13 Signs a Video Game Is Too Realistic (Part II)

Posted by MrTricky61 on 14-Aug-2005

The Top 13 Signs a Video Game Is Too Realistic (Part II)

13> Every time you attempt to take on the evil Church of Science empire, it files a lawsuit and gets a restraining order.

12> When you finally turn off your "Vice City" game, you find your bed has a severed horse head in it.

11> Your current high score is used to calculate the Department of Homeland Security's national threat level.

10> Automatic withholding of 28% of your bonus points.

9> After three hours of "Grand Theft Auto: Vice City" you decide to watch a little TV -- only to discover that you're the lead story on "America's Most Wanted."

8> A little John Ashcroft icon hangs in the corner of the screen, watching your every move.

7> Every time you bump the car in front of you in "NASCAR 2003," your keyboard's airbag smacks you in the face.

6> Ms. Pac-Man refuses to do much of anything until her PMS eases up.

5> The decaying zombie carcasses smell worse than your room does.

4> Every time you play, the same sick feeling of hopelessness and despair descends on you, leaving you unab-- oh, wait, that's Quicken.

3> Bill Bennett's got $1,000 riding on the outcome.

2> Donkey Kong only seems to have two moves this time: throwing poop and masturbating.

1> Try as you might, you can't seem to find the frighteningly destructive weapons the bad guy's supposed to have.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]

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	():top list jokes (540): The Top 14 Surprises at the Comic Strip Character 25-Year Reunion (Part I)

Posted by Areen E. Kim on 14-Aug-2005

The Top 14 Surprises at the Comic Strip Character 25-Year Reunion (Part I)

14> The Lockhorns are still married, and still not the least bit funny.

13> These days, Brenda Starr looks more like Bart Starr.

12> Beetle Bailey spends the whole night at a corner table with the Goths, swilling tequila and railing about the government.

11> Peppermint Patty is a touring golf pro on the LPGA.

10> A long stay in Oswald State Penitentiary has made Dennis 35 percent less menacing.

9> "Look at Cathy over there with Peppermint Patty. I guess she solved her guy problems."

8> Billy from "Family Circus" unable to attend as he was convicted of cocaine possession after a jury rejected his "Not Me!" defense.

7> "Little Orphan Annie! Did you have your eyes done?"

6> Sarge's and Zero's looks haven't changed much, thanks to breakthroughs in external-tooth denture technology.

5> Director of Homeland Security Sluggo sends his regrets.

4> What the hell?!? Jughead somehow managed to become president of the United States!!

3> Charlie Brown's bad toupee scares the holy hell out of Marmaduke.

2> Pig Pen now runs a trash business and is married to Anna Nicole Smith.

1> After numerous complaints about the punch, all eyes turn to the snickering man in the corner holding a ratty stuffed tiger.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]

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