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The Top 14 Signs Your Neighbor is Preparing a Y2K Bunker

14> He keeps asking if your daughters are "good breeding stock."

13> Her excuse for running over your dog? "There was a freeze-dried ice cream sale at Wal-Mart."

12> You catch him throwing cans of Spam into what you thought was an old tree stump.

11> Asks if you know anyone who would like five thousand bags of topsoil.

10> Turret with gun barrel now poking up from his kid's sandbox.

9> Fido's been getting into their flower bed for years, but this is his first land mine detonation.

8> He's throwing a New Years Eve party for "all fertile women ages 18-35."

7> What looks like a cement truck is now filling her empty pool with pork 'n' beans.

6> For weeks, he's been trying to develop a taste for his own urine.

5> Shows you her new cookbook, "450 Recipes for Rice-a-Roni."

4> Says he's building a wine cellar -- but the trucks are delivering malt liquor and Ripple.

3> Says his new shotgun is for "keeping mutants away from the womenfolk."

2> Abandons his Noah's Ark Recreation project and to slaughter and salt-cure the pairs of animals instead.

1> "Kidnap a Hooters waitress and repopulate the Earth" seems like an odd New Year's resolution.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]

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	():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Signs Reality TV Has Jumped the Shark

Posted by Emma Liles on 14-Aug-2005

The Top 15 Signs Reality TV Has Jumped the Shark

15> "The Bachelor" this season? Joey Buttafuoco.

14> Fox's latest offering: "Who Wants to Marry Ted McGinley?"

13> The public has voted that Bruce-Dogg and Big Willie from cell block H are to get married.

12> "Who Wants to Jump the Shark?" actually speeds up the entire process.

11> Saddam Hussein begs and pleads his way through "I'm a Celebrity -- Get Me Out Of Here!"

10> "For the next immunity challenge, each member of both tribes will pull my finger."

9> You tune in to find that "Blowing for Dollars" was not a misprint.

8> "Amazing Racists" only have to get from Pretoria to Johannesburg.

7> Someone finally gives viewers what they really want with "Who Wants to Beat a Millionaire?"

6> Way too many exploding stomachs on "Survivor: Hometown Buffet."

5> Aaron Neville and Cindy Crawford tie for first place in "Celebrity Mole."

4> There hasn't been a homicide on "Joe Pocket-Full-o'-Crack" in weeks.

3> The contestants on "Trading Genitals" are just a bit too eager.

2> Somebody keeps dumping chum in the "Elimidate" hot tub.

1> The most disgusting thing that "Fear Factor" contestants were forced to eat last week was a box of Marshmallow Peeps with only one eye.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]

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	():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Odd Side Effects of Hurricanes

Posted by Jamee M. Warner on 14-Aug-2005

The Top 15 Odd Side Effects of Hurricanes

15> Anti-terrorist cruise missile blown off course "just happens" to land on Ken Starr.

14> Drop in barometric pressure causes unexpected Viagra failure and results in a sudden surge in Trans Am purchases.

13> In Florida, howling of winds drowns out howling from Kennedy Compound.

12> Same $100 million hurricane damage in the Carolinas only costs $23.89 dollars in Alabama.

11> Employees at the Olean factory have no problem with orders to evacuate immediately.

10> Pamela Anderson experiences whiplash as breasts fly in opposite directions.

9> Jesse Helms actually observed leaning slightly to the left.

8> South Carolinians can now projectile-vomit over 430 feet!

7> Drop in barometric pressure causes girl-scout cookies to swell so large that they're temporarily worth six bucks a box.

6> Inexplicable changes in Al Roker's magnetic field.

5> Sudden shortage of Springer guests, as incest and promiscuity take a back seat to gettin' the ol' trailer right-side up again.

4> Headlines with the word "blow", but no mention whatsoever of Monica.

3> Pre-storm rush allows supermarkets to finally get rid of old stock of Spam and Zima.

2> Earl the plywood salesman starts tippin' fives at the topless club.

1> White House interns get time off while the President drops his pants and lets nature take its course.

[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]

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	():top list jokes (540): New Bumper stickers

Posted by whatever u. want on 14-Aug-2005

New Bumper stickers

I'm a corporate executive -- I keep things from happening.
If Clinton is the answer, it was a stupid question.
Lobotomies for Democrats: It's the law.
Bad Cop! No donut!
Where are we going and why am I in this hand basket?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead -- He's electroencephalographically challenged.
She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

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	():top list jokes (540): Interesting Questions....

Posted by emipa on 14-Aug-2005

Interesting Questions....

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
If you take an Asian person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
What do chickens think we taste like?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?
Which is the other side of the street?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why don't they call mustaches "mouthbrows?"
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

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	():top list jokes (540): Numbers of the Beast

Posted by DlineChick on 14-Aug-2005

Numbers of the Beast

660 -- Approximate number of The Beast
DCLXVI -- Roman numeral of The Beast
666.000000 -- Number of the High Precision Beast
0.666 -- Number of the Millibeast
/ 666 -- Beast Common Denominator
0.005015 -- Reciprical of the Beast.
666i -- Imaginary number of The Beast
1010011010 -- Binary number of The Beast
443556 -- Square of the Beast
2.8235 -- Log of the beast
6.5913 -- Ln Beast
1.738E289 -- Anti-log of the beast
6.66E2 --Scientific number of the Beast
29A -- Hexadecimal number of the Beast
666! -_ Factorial of the Beast
6, uh... what was that number again? -- Number of the Blonde Beast
1-666 -- Area code of The Beast
00666 -- Zip code of The Beast
<Mailto://666@hell.org. -- E-mail address of the beast
<http://www.666.org.html. -- web-page of the Beast
1-900-666-0666 -- Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute. Over 18 only please.
$665.95 -- Retail price of The Beast
$55.50 -- Monthly cost of the Beast in twelve easy equal monthly installments
$699.25 -- Price of The Beast plus 5% state sales tax
$769.95 -- Price of The Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$656.66 -- WalMart price of The Beast
$646.66 -- Next week's WalMart price of The Beast
Phillips 666 -- Gasoline of The Beast
Route 666 -- Way of The Beast (Highway to Hell)
666 Minutes -- Weekly news program about the Beast
666 F -- Oven temperature for roast Beast
664 & 668 - Neighbours of the Beast
666k -- Retirement plan of The Beast
666 mg -- Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
6.66 % -- 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
Lotus 6-6-6 -- Spreadsheet of The Beast
Word 6.66 -- Word Processor of The Beast
i66686 -- CPU of The Beast
666-I -- BMW of The Beast
665.99999973 _ Intel Pentium number of the Beast
666 Sunset Strip _- Old T. V. series about the Beast soon on Nick-At-Nite
DSM-666 (revised) -- Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of The Beast
Windows 666 -- Bill Gates' personal Beast