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():top list jokes (540): The Top 14 Things Overheard at the Cannes Film Festival |
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| Posted by Icy P. Fire on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 14 Things Overheard at the Cannes Film Festival14> "Wow! 'The Matrix: Reloaded' was great! What did you think, Saddam?"
13> "Hey, who's the Girl Scout with Roman Polanski?"
12> "I laughed. I cried. I started handing out free deodorant."
11> "Amazing! It was nearly Sandlerian!"
10> "But monsieur, Tom Green is surely the greatest comic genius since Jerry Lewis!"
9> "Get the 'Jaws of Life.' Someone's got his lips vapor-locked to Scorsese's ass again."
8> "Monsieur Stallone! More ice water, maintenant!"
7> "I swear, if zey make us sit through another Keanu Reeves movie, we're taking back ze Statue of Liberty."
6> "No Milk Duds or Raisinets? You call this a film festival?!?"
5> "Every year these Americans show up, and this town reeks of soap and shampoo for a month afterwards."
4> "I surrender -- to the charm of this film!"
3> "I'm afraid your visits to the concession counter are affecting the tides, Monsieur Ebert."
2> "I presented myself the Palme d'Rouge last night!"
1> "Yes, your breasts are quite impressive -- but it's usually the women who go topless here, Mr. Goodman."
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by Laxori Shiin on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Worst Names for Boats15> Hazelwood's Party Pad
14> The Gerald Fitzedmund
13> The Absolutely, Positively, Iron-Clad-Guarantee, Zero-Possibility-Of-Error Unsinkable Just-Made-the-Final-Payment
12> The www.MakeMoneyFromBelowDeck.com
11> Osama bin Sailin'!
10> U.S.S. Shirley Shirley bo birley banana fana fo firley me mi mo mirley... SHIRLEY!
9> The Compensator
8> Jenna, the Girl I Dated in High School Who Gave Me Herpes and Cheated on Me With My Dad's Best Friend
7> The Havana Ferry
6> *NSINK
5> Carrie Ingillegalimigrantsanddrugsininternationalwaters
4> H.M.S. Chum Bucket
3> Ignore This Distress Call
2> James Cameron's Wet Dream
1> The #13 Unsinkable Kennedy 666
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 13 Rejected Action Hero Catch Phrases |
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| Posted by erin zilka on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 13 Rejected Action Hero Catch Phrases13> "Let's agree to disagree, punk."
12> "I'll be back. As long as I'm going, do you want anything from the Bath and Body Shop?"
11> "Use the big-ass gun, Luke!"
10> "I'm about to give you one more reason to vote for universal health care!"
9> "I know you are, punk, but what am I?"
8> "You just messed with the wrong motivational speaker, my friend!"
7> "A little song, a little dance, a little can of Whoop-Ass down your pants."
6> "You're going to want to put some ice on that."
5> "Yippie Ki Yay, Mother Superior!"
4> "Where do you want to hurt today?"
3> "Let's mambo with Mr. Pain!"
2> "Do you feel like chicken tonight, punk?"
1> "Justice? You're soaking in it!"
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by stew pid on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 12 Cartoon Character Pick-Up Lines12> Wimpy -- "I'd gladly pay you Tuesday for a hummer today."
11> Foghorn Leghorn -- "Ah say, boy, ah say, you've got it all wrong. Those little chickens you've been chasing around are roosters. What you want is a big ol' hen, like me."
10> Bart Simpson -- "Eat my shorts, ma'am!"
9> Batman -- "Wanna help to dispel those nasty rumors about me and the Boy Wonder?"
8> Speedy Gonzales -- "Senorita, it's just a nickname!"
7> Pepe LePew -- "But, mon cherie -- I don't smell any worse than anyone else in France."
6> Ross Perot -- "I'm worth $4 billion."
5> Porky Pig -- "L-L-Let's go back to my place and f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fu-f-f-fu... hump."
4> Popeye -- "I'm strong to the finish 'cause I takes Viagra!"
3> Pinocchio -- "Hey, I *am* a woody!"
2> Underdog -- "My heart is for you, my Polly, dear; You are pure and true, can I sniff your rear?"
1> Tweety Bird -- "I wuuuv to eat putty!"
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): Ten times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable |
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| Posted by Amber N. DiDonato on 14-Aug-2005 | Ten times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptableThere are only ten times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use. They are as follows:
10. "What the @#$% was that?"
----Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
9. "Ghere did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"
----Custer, 1877
8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."
----Einstein, 1938
7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"
----Picasso, 1926
6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?"
----Pythagoras, 526 BC
5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"
----Michelangelo, 1566
4. "Where the @#$% are we?"
----Amelia Earhart, 1937
3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers.... My ass!"
----Noah, 4314 BC
2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"
----Bill Clinton, 1999
1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @%#*^ing mad."
---- Saddam Hussein, March 2003
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 13 Signs a Video Game Is Too Realistic (Part I) |
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| Posted by Private Private on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 13 Signs a Video Game Is Too Realistic (Part I)13> One of your Sims just won first place on "American Idol."
12> Those guys outside your house in dark suits after you get to a certain level in "Enter the Matrix"? Those ain't Mormons, Chester.
11> You can't scope with any of the *virtual* hotties, either, dweeb-boy.
10> This game has no monsters, no guns, no crashes -- just Mom yelling to get off the computer and do your homework.
9> Your dark-skinned Sims are deleted from your computer and stored on a server in Guantanamo.
8> For about four days every month, Lara Croft shoots at *you*.
7> The boss on the final level is an evil, arrogant old guy who does nothing but deny you overtime and write unflattering performance reviews.
6> Game limits your running speed based on your smoking habit and the weight recorded during last doctor's visit.
5> Every time the frog gets run over, your shirt gets splattered with blood.
4> Your Sims refuse to do anything you say until you agree to put on a clean T-shirt.
3> Your two regular Internet opponents, "SaddamH" and "binLaden," haven't logged on in weeks now.
2> Guiding your Knicks in the 4th quarter of "NBA Live 2003," you suddenly feel the pressure -- of Latrell Sprewell's fingers around your throat.
1> The newly elected mayor of Vice City? Marion Barry.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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