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| Posted by Mistical Rose on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 14 Worst Rollercoaster Names14. The Dependsinator
13. The Made-in-Taiwan Space Shuttle
12. The Personal Liability Waiver Lawyercoaster
11. Dr. Kevorkian's Wild "Head Toward The Light" ride
10. Wild Bill's InternSpinner Career Slide
9. It's a Small World Full of Leprosy
8. Your 401(k)'s Value Ride
7. "Get Aboard, Ya Scabs!" -- The Roller Coaster Built By Non-Union Carpenters
6. Puke of Hurl
5. The Janet Reno Mattress Mambo
4. The Deadly Olestra DoubleEnder
3. The Crooked Safety Inspector's Crazy Kickbackcoaster
2. The OprahWeight
1. The Hello Kitty Strawberry Shortcake Care Bears BarbieCoaster
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
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| Posted by Anthony F. Williams on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Little-Known Effects of El Nino15. Weather Channel temporarily passes Knitting Channel in ratings.
14. During concert, Hanson breaks out into a raucous version of "mmmGuantanamera."
13. Tori Spelling, confused by lack of sunshine, goes into hibernation.
12. Unusually high tides in silicon implants responsible for delaying production of Barb Wire 2.
11. Jacko gets a "Woodrow", if you know what I mean. (Oops! Wrong kind of El Nino.)
10. Instead of flying south, Canadian geese just cross the border to shop.
9. Home Shopping Network's ratings plummet as trailer park residents nationwide seek higher ground.
8. Increased moisture in air means William Shatner needs less SuperGlue to hold his hair down.
7. In a first for a weather pattern, El Nino signs with Nike for a cool 36 million.
6. Groundhog comes out of his hole on Feb. 2 and -- ZAP -- the only thing left of his hairy little butt is the smell of burnt fur and ozone.
5. Matt Lauer responds to everything Katie Couric says with a booming "Claro Que Si!"
4. Minor changes in Earth's magnetic field allow Jennifer Aniston to complete a thought.
3. Rash of "muskrat" sightings in Vegas turns out to be thousands of toupees floating in from Hollywood.
2. Confused British nannies begin swinging babies counter-clockwise instead of clockwise.
1. "Ten inches and rising" now refers to flood waters.
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Least Popular Names for Street Gangs |
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| Posted by Paul S. Morette on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Least Popular Names for Street Gangs15. The Lords of the Dance
14. The Bitter and Self-Absorbed Grad School Dropouts
13. Delicate Hummels
12. The Joyful Mysteries
11. Tommy Tutone Tappers
10. The Promise Keepers
9. The Bullseyes
8. The Crotchety Out-of-Work Impeachment Managers
7. Los Losers
6. The Tinky Winkys
5. East Side Gandhis
4. Crips@aol.com
3. The G Street Webmasters
2. The Pig-Latin Ings-Kay
1. The Disciples of Tesh
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
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| Posted by andrew on 14-Aug-2005 | Candy Bars Rejected by Hersheys16. Kevorkian Krunch -- dying for some chocolate?
15. Spittles
14. The 100,000 Peso Bar
13. Hershey's Hickeys -- when Kisses just ain't enough...
12. Reese's Peanut Butter D-Cups
11. Buttafucofinger
10. Rocky Mountain Oyster Pops
9. Prunettes -- for the mature Raisinette lover
8. Malted Mothballs
7. Boutros-Boutros Bon-Bons
6. Pepsodent Patty
5. Phlegm & M's
4. Leper Bears -- melt in your mouth AND in your hands
3. Boogerfinger
2. That Ain't Nougat!
1. Zits Ahoy
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| Posted by Anna P. Crist on 14-Aug-2005 | Things to do at a Fast Food Drive Thru1. Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.
2. Drive through backwards.
3. Belch your order.
4. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume.
5. Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.
6. Walk through.
7. Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.
8. Repeat everything the order taker says.
9. Attempt to take the order-takers order ("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get a chance to take yours.
10. Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please".
11. In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip out ofnline and watch the fun as the person behind you is handed 40 bags of food.
12. When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.
13. Drive through with a carload of naked people.
14. Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.
15. Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.
16. Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice.
17. One word: Flatulence!
18. Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.
19. If you are a male, have a female friend place the order by speaking VERY seductively and suggestively into the speaker. When she finishes, have her hide and pull up to accept your order. See how many of the order-takers fellow employees have been called over to the window to "check out the babe".
20. Change a flat tire in the drive-thru lane.
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| Posted by Sam Tucker on 14-Aug-2005 | Biggest Lies3 Biggest Software Lies:
- The program's fully tested and bugfree.
- We're working on the documentation.
- Of course we can modify it.
3 Biggest Computer Room Lies:
- As long as you remember to 'SAVE' your input, you'll never lose any files.
- We run the stuff through as fast as it comes in the door.
- The new machines on order.
3 Biggest Large Company Lies:
- We have an entrepreneurial spirit here.
- People are our greatest resource.
- We say 'let the marketplace decide'.
3 Biggest Small Company Lies:
- We have an entrepreneurial spirit here.
- The boss is just one of the guys.
- Staying small is a conscious decision.
3 Biggest Marketing Lies:
- Immediate delivery?...No problem.
- We treat every customer as if they were our most important.
- We're going out to lunch to talk business.
3 Biggest Engineering Professor's Lies:
- Some day this course will come in handy.
- These tests are more trouble for me than they are for you.
- This is the way they do it in industry.
3 Biggest Executive Lies:
- Money...it's just a score card.
- If it were up to me, there'd be no assigned parking spaces.
- You have to twist my arm to get me to go on a business trip.
3 Biggest undergraduate student starting Physics Lies:
- There are plenty of jobs out there for Physics graduates.
- You'll make lots of money in your proffessional career.
- The general public respect Physicists.
3 Biggest student teacher lies:
- The school will help and support you all they can.
- This teaching course is interesting and stimulating.
- Kids today are just the same as when you went to school.
3 Biggest advertising lies:
- This product will taste as good as it looks.
- You really need our product.
- If you use our product you will have sex with the same kinds of people as you see in our ad.
3 Biggest mail order lies:
- Delivery of your product will occur within 30 days of ordering it.
- If you're not satisfied with our product we will guarentee a full refund.
- We offer repair of your product free of charge with an accredited repairer in your home State.
3 Biggest retail industry lies:
- Our staff are courteous and considerate.
- We try to help you with your problem.
- You can exchange or get full refund on an item that you're not satisfied with.
3 Biggest politician lies:
- I'll be factual and to the point.
- I'll give you a straightforward answer to your question.
- The government doesn't waste taxpayers money.
3 Biggest parent lies:
- We're doing this for your own interest.
- You can have that (do that) later (when you're older).
- The family can't afford it now.
3 Biggest supermodels lies:
- Women normally look like that.
- Women should look like that.
- Fasting and dieting is good for your health.
3 Biggest beer ads lies:
- Drinking beer is for macho men only.
- You'll meet good lifelong friends drinking beer in a bar.
- Women think drunken loudmouths are sexy.
3 Biggest life lies:
- ..and they lived happily ever after.
- Dying is painless.
- Things have gotten so bad that they couldn't possibly get worse.
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