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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Attractions at Michael Jackson's Amusement Park in Poland |
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| Posted by Lou Ser on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Attractions at Michael Jackson's Amusement Park in Poland15. The Jackson Siblings' Career Slide!
14. Kid Who Played Webster Petting Zoo
13. The Rusty Antique Moonwalk
12. The "Now Hold On Real Tight" Ride
11. The Hall Of Elizabeth Taylor's Ex-Husbands
10. Sign at park entrance which says, "You must be at least this young to enter."
9. The "Design Michael's Face" Computer Graphics Pavilion
8. Michael himself supervises the Lost Children hut
7. Handy "Need a glove, take a glove; Have a glove, leave a glove" boxes everywhere
6. Six Flags, depicting the 6 noses of Michael himself
5. "Candy from a Stranger" concession stands
4. "Touch The Kielbasa" Carousel
3. The Jackson dysfunctional family "get your ass on stage and perform" karaoke bar
2. "Yeah, I'm Tito. You want a churro or not?"
1. It's A Small Nose After All
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Celebrity-Written Books Whose Titles Would Invite Lawsuits |
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| Posted by If Amblue on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Celebrity-Written Books Whose Titles Would Invite Lawsuits
15> O.J. Simpson -- "Okay, Fine, I Killed the Bitch. Happy?"
14> Dick Cheney -- "Oil the President's Men"
13> Kid Rock -- "Marshall Is Right: His Moms Is a Stupid Bitch"
12> Madonna -- "Britney Could Sure Use a Pack o' Them Breath Strips!"
11> Pat Sajak -- "Game Show Personalities I Vanna Nail"
10> Michael Moore -- "I Distort, You Deride"
9> The Menendez Brothers -- "Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut, Sometimes You Don't"
8> Jerry Rice -- "Commitment to Excellence, My Ass"
7> Justin Timberlake -- "I Banged Britney: My Big Book of Incriminating Pictures"
6> Jeffrey Dahmer -- "Finger Lickin' Good Recipes"
5> Chris White -- "My Brilliant Original Humor Formats, and How David Letterman, Jack Handey and Those Bastards at the Onion Stole Them From Me"
4> Kobe Bryant -- "Lying Hos and the Big Fat Lies They Lie-Lie-Lie About"
3> Lisa Marie Presley -- "Blowing Bubbles With the King of Pop"
2> John Travolta -- "101 Unspeakably Evil Yet Very Effective Brain-Washing Techniques Successfully Used on Me by Those Scientology Weasels"
1> Nicole Kidman -- "Of *Course* He's Gay"
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by Holly K. Ayres on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 16 Interesting Movie Triple Features16> Dazed and Confused/About Last Night/Dude, Where's My Car?
15> Roots/To Die For/Legally Blonde
14> Gridlock'd/Something's Gotta Give/The Human Stain
13> My Dinner With Andre/Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?/There's a Girl in My Soup
12> Marathon Man/My Left Foot/The Color Purple
11> The Sure Thing/In the Bedroom/Gone in 60 Seconds
10> The American President/Devil in a Blue Dress/Say Anything
9> The American President/Clear and Present Danger/Liar, Liar
8> The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?/The Persecution and Assassination of Jean-Paul Marat as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade/Breathless
7> The Rock/The Paper Chase/Edward Scissorhands
6> Blow/The Producers/A Star Is Born
5> A Night at the Opera/Rear Window/The Great Escape
4> What Women Want/Big/Pecker
3> Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice/Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore/What About Bob?
2> Nuts/M*A*S*H/The Howling
1> She's Having a Baby/Stand and Deliver/Scream
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Signs a Stuntperson Is Over the Hill |
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| Posted by I B. Insane on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Signs a Stuntperson Is Over the Hill
15> Suffers a fatal heart attack when startled by the director's shout of "Action!"
14> Doesn't mind working while totally engulfed flames, claiming it helps her arthritis.
13> A high-speed Rascal chase isn't quite what Mr. Tarantino had in mind.
12> The only explosions he sees these days are inside his Depends.
11> A delighted sound editor realizes he won't have to overdub the sounds of bones breaking after all.
10> Still drives his exploding car off a cliff, but now does it with the turn signal on.
9> Needs constant re-takes of his plunge from the hotel balcony because his dentures keep flying out.
8> His pre-stunt preparation includes a hot cup of tea, some stretching exercises and a quick peek at his good-luck photo of Teddy Roosevelt.
7> Once-thrilling car chases now reduced to a Cadillac Fleetwood going 17 mph.
6> The director decides to let Wilford Brimley do his own stunts.
5> He's the film's only Tour de France biker with a huge front tire and a tiny rear one.
4> Politely suggests that "2 Fast 2 Furious" could use a few Studebakers.
3> Has to be rushed to the ER for injuries sustained in the pie-fight scene.
2> Thanks to budgetary constraints and some late-starting Metamucil, that impossible-to-reshoot skydiving sequence just got your film an NC-17 rating.
1> She lands on the mattress 20 seconds before her breasts do.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Dishes Containing Condoms (R-rated version) |
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| Posted by Mindy A. Gotsch on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Dishes Containing Condoms (R-rated version)
15> Porked Loins
14> McRibbed Sandwich
13> Sheath Bars
12> Chicken Trojanzini
11> Rack of Lambskin
10> Glove 'n' Roasted Chicken
9> Chili Con Carnal
8> "The Wilt Chamberlain" sandwich at the Carnegie Deli
7> Pheasant Under Glans
6> Condomleezza Rice
5> Safe Sexchuan Chicken
4> Creme Booyeah
3> Veal Scumbagini
2> Quiche Lorraincoat
1> Newman's Own Chowder [tm]
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by daring-dipshit on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Misguided Sequels (Part II)
15> The Birds II: Avian Influenza
14> Holes 2: Saddam Doesn't Live Here Anymore
13> Ernest Scared Stiff: Weekend at Vernie's
12> Dude, Where's YOUR Car?
11> Schindler's PowerPoint Presentation
10> Ordinarier People
9> Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice and Herpes
8> 50 First Dates 2: 50 Restraining Orders
7> Son of the Graduate: Take Out Your Teeth, Mrs. Robinson
6> Babe: Pig on the Spit
5> Fight Club 2: Stop Hitting Yourself. Why're You Hitting Yourself? Stop Hitting Yourself. Why're You Hitting Yourself?
4> Little Womyn
3> Iron W. Eagle: Mission Accomplished
2> Finding Nemo 2: Desperately Seeking Sushi
1> Cold Mountain Deux
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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