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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Attractions at Michael Jackson's Amusement Park in Poland |
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| Posted by Lou Ser on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Attractions at Michael Jackson's Amusement Park in Poland15. The Jackson Siblings' Career Slide!
14. Kid Who Played Webster Petting Zoo
13. The Rusty Antique Moonwalk
12. The "Now Hold On Real Tight" Ride
11. The Hall Of Elizabeth Taylor's Ex-Husbands
10. Sign at park entrance which says, "You must be at least this young to enter."
9. The "Design Michael's Face" Computer Graphics Pavilion
8. Michael himself supervises the Lost Children hut
7. Handy "Need a glove, take a glove; Have a glove, leave a glove" boxes everywhere
6. Six Flags, depicting the 6 noses of Michael himself
5. "Candy from a Stranger" concession stands
4. "Touch The Kielbasa" Carousel
3. The Jackson dysfunctional family "get your ass on stage and perform" karaoke bar
2. "Yeah, I'm Tito. You want a churro or not?"
1. It's A Small Nose After All
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| Posted by Jr Sand on 14-Aug-2005 | Top 16 Signs You're in a Pauly Shore Movie16. Your "Will Act For Food" sign was evidently misread as "Will Act For Fool."
15. You can trace your character's lineage directly back to Spicoli in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High."
14. All you were told is that you got a part in a movie, and you play someone more inane than Pauly Shore.
13. You're irritating, marginally coherent, and comically dressed, yet chicks are diggin' you.
12. You have numerous sex scenes, but your only speaking line is "Baaaa!"
11. Screen test for part consisted of humiliating fraternity prank involving a hot dog and a flight of stairs.
10. The director asks you, Jim Carrey, Gilbert Gottfried, and Tim Conway to "dumb it down just a little more."
9. Your body contains more silicon than Deep Blue.
8. You bet your agent that she couldn't cast you in anything stupider than the "Ernest" series.
7. No male actors over 5' 4".
6. You work with your acting coach for weeks to totally nail down the inner character of "Totally Harsh Dude #2."
5. 20% of budget set aside for "breaking wind" sound effects.
4. After a day's shooting, you're beaten senseless in an alley by an enraged Siskel & Ebert.
3. All the extras cover their faces like prisoners on the 6 o'clock news.
2. You're surrounded by brilliant Shakespearean actors, all of whom have balloon payments due on their beach houses.
1. Daisy Fuentes co-stars as the President of the United States.
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| Posted by whatever on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 10 Signs You've Got Furbymania10. You're lined up before opening at the gas station convenience store just in case they have unadvertised Furbies.
9. Common thread among your 17 murder victims this week? All were previous Furby owners.
8. You hit the line, bounced left, but couldn't see daylight, ran up the back of the guy in front of you, juked again, spun right and then, with a final stiff arm to Mrs. Edna P. Wilson, snagged the last Furby!
7. You've upped your Furby offer to "$10,000, plus an hour with my wife."
6. Your kid's jokes about wanting the new "Tickle-Me Cabbage Furby" results in a little visit to the ER for some defibrillation.
5. Santa is pressing charges after you decided to search his pants for hidden Furbies.
4. Looks like little Susie will get her Furby after all, and little Johnny will be pretty happy with the 3 human hands still clutching the Furby box.
3. Thanks to a copious supply of back hair, you were able to successfully strip naked in the aisle and get in on some of that Furby paw-and-grab action.
2. In a smoky bunker lit by a single bulb, you pore over Toys 'R' Us blueprints in preparation for the next Furby shipment.
1. In a crazed effort to please your 4-year-old, you've brought home more dead rodents than your cat.
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
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():top list jokes (540): Top 16 Signs Your Kids Have Been Watching too Much 'Jerry Springer' |
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| Posted by EmptyF_1 on 14-Aug-2005 | Top 16 Signs Your Kids Have Been Watching too Much 'Jerry Springer'16) During Sunday sermon, they hold a palm up to the pastor and say, "Talk to the hand!"
15) Every night at the dinner table, it's the same routine: "Eat your vegetables!" ....and the chairs go flying.
14) You've had to replace the babysitter with three burly stagehands.
13) Dinner topic: "Teenage boys who hide 'Playboy' under their mattresses."
12) Junior's new mastery of the headlock has made him the star of his high school debate team.
11) Have evolved from playing "Doctor" to "Plastic Surgeon specializing in Male Enlargement."
10) They want to know why they only live in a house instead of a double-wide trailer.
9) At the dinner table, little Billy announces a surprise guest: your secretary/mistress.
8) Your Elvis shrine ain't been Endusted in two weeks.
7) Her tendency to hop up on tables, tear her shirt open and dance suggestively has gotten you banned from more than one Chuck E. Cheese.
6) Your youngest has stopped calling you "Mommy" in favor of "Crack-ho."
5) Math: C-
History: D+
English: F
Interviewing Transvestite Hookers: A+
4) Last year, when you told him to clean his room, you merely got a sullen look. This year you get a dining room chair over your head.
3) Your son asks if anyone makes a DNA paternity test kit for Cabbage Patch Kids.
2) During that "little talk" with Junior, you're forced to admit that you don't know if hermaphrodites are "birds" or "bees."
1) Poor Ken just found out he hasn't been dating Barbie, but GI Joe in drag.
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| Posted by Hells Littlest Angel on 14-Aug-2005 | Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines in "Star Wars"1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
3. "Look at the size of that thing!"
4. "Sorry about the mess..."
5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
6. "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed!"
9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care *what* you smell!"
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():top list jokes (540): Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines in "The Empire Strikes Back" |
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| Posted by Galia K. Madjarova on 14-Aug-2005 | Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines in "The Empire Strikes Back"1. "And I thought they smelled bad...on the *outside*!"
2. "Possible he came in through the south entrance."
3. "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?"
4. "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
5. "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
6. "But now we must eat. Cum, good food, cummm..."
7. "Control, control! You must learn control!"
8. "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
9. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
10. "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me!"
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