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| Posted by J.C. Burkhart on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Backhanded Compliments (Part I)15> "I can't believe you can fit into such a small Speedo, Bob!"
14> "Most guys think they *have* to have a cool car -- but not you."
13> "A bright red mini-dress! You really have tons of confidence in your inner beauty."
12> "You really make me feel intelligent -- especially when you talk."
11> "Look at how much weight you've lost! That dress didn't fit you nearly as well at that last wedding you wore it to."
10> "Not only do you dance surprisingly well, you *smell* better than most ugly chicks."
9> "Great sermon, Father! That loud part at the end was a real wake-up call!"
8> "Wow! For a first-time sexual encounter, that was refreshingly speedy!"
7> "Now, now, it's just as important to stay behind and guard the women and children."
6> "It's nice that you can wear tight jeans without that unsightly bulge in the crotch that most men have."
5> "I've never seen a man chug so many chardonnays."
4> "No, really -- compared to Grenada, Afghanistan and Somalia, you Iraqi Army guys kick *ass.*"
3> "What I like about your toupee is it says, 'Hey, I have better things to spend my money on!'"
2> "You have 10 cats?!? Wow, it only smells like three or four."
1> "Okay, let's try it. One that size can't possibly be painful."
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 14 Things Overheard at the Cannes Film Festival |
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| Posted by Icy P. Fire on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 14 Things Overheard at the Cannes Film Festival14> "Wow! 'The Matrix: Reloaded' was great! What did you think, Saddam?"
13> "Hey, who's the Girl Scout with Roman Polanski?"
12> "I laughed. I cried. I started handing out free deodorant."
11> "Amazing! It was nearly Sandlerian!"
10> "But monsieur, Tom Green is surely the greatest comic genius since Jerry Lewis!"
9> "Get the 'Jaws of Life.' Someone's got his lips vapor-locked to Scorsese's ass again."
8> "Monsieur Stallone! More ice water, maintenant!"
7> "I swear, if zey make us sit through another Keanu Reeves movie, we're taking back ze Statue of Liberty."
6> "No Milk Duds or Raisinets? You call this a film festival?!?"
5> "Every year these Americans show up, and this town reeks of soap and shampoo for a month afterwards."
4> "I surrender -- to the charm of this film!"
3> "I'm afraid your visits to the concession counter are affecting the tides, Monsieur Ebert."
2> "I presented myself the Palme d'Rouge last night!"
1> "Yes, your breasts are quite impressive -- but it's usually the women who go topless here, Mr. Goodman."
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by Laxori Shiin on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Worst Names for Boats15> Hazelwood's Party Pad
14> The Gerald Fitzedmund
13> The Absolutely, Positively, Iron-Clad-Guarantee, Zero-Possibility-Of-Error Unsinkable Just-Made-the-Final-Payment
12> The www.MakeMoneyFromBelowDeck.com
11> Osama bin Sailin'!
10> U.S.S. Shirley Shirley bo birley banana fana fo firley me mi mo mirley... SHIRLEY!
9> The Compensator
8> Jenna, the Girl I Dated in High School Who Gave Me Herpes and Cheated on Me With My Dad's Best Friend
7> The Havana Ferry
6> *NSINK
5> Carrie Ingillegalimigrantsanddrugsininternationalwaters
4> H.M.S. Chum Bucket
3> Ignore This Distress Call
2> James Cameron's Wet Dream
1> The #13 Unsinkable Kennedy 666
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 13 Rejected Action Hero Catch Phrases |
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| Posted by erin zilka on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 13 Rejected Action Hero Catch Phrases13> "Let's agree to disagree, punk."
12> "I'll be back. As long as I'm going, do you want anything from the Bath and Body Shop?"
11> "Use the big-ass gun, Luke!"
10> "I'm about to give you one more reason to vote for universal health care!"
9> "I know you are, punk, but what am I?"
8> "You just messed with the wrong motivational speaker, my friend!"
7> "A little song, a little dance, a little can of Whoop-Ass down your pants."
6> "You're going to want to put some ice on that."
5> "Yippie Ki Yay, Mother Superior!"
4> "Where do you want to hurt today?"
3> "Let's mambo with Mr. Pain!"
2> "Do you feel like chicken tonight, punk?"
1> "Justice? You're soaking in it!"
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by stew pid on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 12 Cartoon Character Pick-Up Lines12> Wimpy -- "I'd gladly pay you Tuesday for a hummer today."
11> Foghorn Leghorn -- "Ah say, boy, ah say, you've got it all wrong. Those little chickens you've been chasing around are roosters. What you want is a big ol' hen, like me."
10> Bart Simpson -- "Eat my shorts, ma'am!"
9> Batman -- "Wanna help to dispel those nasty rumors about me and the Boy Wonder?"
8> Speedy Gonzales -- "Senorita, it's just a nickname!"
7> Pepe LePew -- "But, mon cherie -- I don't smell any worse than anyone else in France."
6> Ross Perot -- "I'm worth $4 billion."
5> Porky Pig -- "L-L-Let's go back to my place and f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fu-f-f-fu... hump."
4> Popeye -- "I'm strong to the finish 'cause I takes Viagra!"
3> Pinocchio -- "Hey, I *am* a woody!"
2> Underdog -- "My heart is for you, my Polly, dear; You are pure and true, can I sniff your rear?"
1> Tweety Bird -- "I wuuuv to eat putty!"
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): Ten times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable |
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| Posted by Amber N. DiDonato on 14-Aug-2005 | Ten times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptableThere are only ten times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use. They are as follows:
10. "What the @#$% was that?"
----Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
9. "Ghere did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"
----Custer, 1877
8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."
----Einstein, 1938
7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"
----Picasso, 1926
6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?"
----Pythagoras, 526 BC
5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"
----Michelangelo, 1566
4. "Where the @#$% are we?"
----Amelia Earhart, 1937
3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers.... My ass!"
----Noah, 4314 BC
2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"
----Bill Clinton, 1999
1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @%#*^ing mad."
---- Saddam Hussein, March 2003
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