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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Least-Visited Exhibits at the Science Fiction Museum |
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| Posted by Lady Love on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Least-Visited Exhibits at the Science Fiction Museum15> The Smoking Man Interactive Virtual Lung
14> Darth Vader's Prescription Inhaler
13> William Shatner's Corset Collection
12> Michael Jackson's Ever-Morphing Face
11> The Sad Remains of Mark Hamill's Career
10> JarJarMania!
9> The Few, The Proud: A Salute to Sci-Fi Fans Who Have Married Women
8> Video Quiz: Tribble, Wookiee or Shatner's Hairpiece?
7> The Blobateria
6> Scotty's Hall of Hemorrhoids
5> The "What You Missed at the Prom" Exhibit
4> Glow-in-the-Dark Jabba the Hut From the Ferengi House of Earwax Figures Collection
3> The men's room condom machine
2> The Trouble With Dribbles: Incontinence and the Older Sci-Fi Fan
1> Sci-Fi Writing Awards Hands-On Display: Touch a Nebula, Feel a Hugo, Fondle a Dick!
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by Chantise J. hunt on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 16 Missing Parts of Movie Ad Quotes
16> "A gem!" ... "It should be embedded under 10,000 feet of solid rock."
15> "Pulse-pounding!" ... "hair-tearing, teeth-grinding and curse-spewing!"
14> "Erotic!" ... "as your grandmother rolling about naked in a vat of creamed corn."
13> "Arnold Schwarzenegger has never been funnier!" ... "Too bad this was a *drama*."
12> "As good as the book!" ... "which also sucked ass."
11> "The South as you have never seen it!" ... "because it never has, nor ever could it ever, exist this way."
10> "A non-stop thrill ride!" ... "that will leave you nauseous and possibly impotent."
9> "Stallone delivers!" ... "his lines like a heavily medicated lab monkey."
8> "The feel-good hit of the summer!" ... "of 1945 during the bombing of Dresden, where anything short of massive explosions would make you feel good."
7> "The sleeper of 2003!" ... "Be sure to bring a pillow."
6> "A perfect date movie!" ... "if you never want to see that clingy loser again."
5> "This movie will tug at your heart" ... "with the subtlety of a strung-out cardiologist with the shakes."
4> "Kirk Douglas is a treasure!" ... "that it's high time we buried and forgot about."
3> "Two thumbs way up!" ... "my rectum would be less painful than sitting through this movie again."
2> "Five stars!" ... "turned down the lead role before Rob Schneider reluctantly signed on."
1> "I'm going to see it again and again!" ... "in that recurring alcohol-fueled nightmare I have where Satan reminds me how much of my life I've wasted."
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Changes if the "Matrix" Films Were Cast With Other Actors |
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| Posted by Hey_baby_:) on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Changes if the "Matrix" Films Were Cast With Other Actors15> "Is meesa really The One?"
14> Bob Vila as the Keymaker slows down the action with constant demos.
13> With Tom Green in the role of Neo, audience members find themselves rooting for the Smiths.
12> "... and starring Paul Rodriguez as 'The Juan.'"
11> After Neo gets chased to the outside window ledge of a skyscraper, the voice of Ashton Kutcher comes over his cell phone: "You've been *so* punk'd, bro'!"
10> RuPaul as Trinity -- I mean, if you're going to go with virtual reality, why not go all the way?
9> Bill Gates as the Core Program keeps having to reboot.
8> "So do you want to take the red pill?" "WHY, SOITENLY! Nyuk-nyuk-nuyk!"
7> Robin Williams insists on coming up with 100 separate personalities for his 100 Agent Smiths.
6> Popcorn and candy sales plummet in movie theatres after audiences see Anna Nicole Smith packed into a tight leather costume.
5> Even Neo can't fight off thousands of attacking Baldwin brothers.
4> Confused about the red pill/blue pill thing, Robert Downey Jr. swallows a handful of each.
3> t.A.T.u. + leather S&M garb = millions of fanboys spasming in their seats.
2> While he shares Keanu's black leather and inability to act, Henry Winkler brings a whole 'nother vibe to the role of Neo.
1> As Morpheus, Jackie Mason convinces Neo to forgo both the blue and red pills and try the veal.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Differences on a Naked Airline Flight |
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| Posted by Shawna Denault on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Differences on a Naked Airline Flight15> You don't instinctively panic when someone yells, "We're going down!"
14> The liquor bottles aren't the only obviously undersized objects on the flight.
13> Look at those beautiful leather seats! Never mind -- that's just the AARP group returning from Cancun.
12> Three straight hours of the guy next to you asking for help adjusting his seat belt.
11> "Sorry about that turbulence, ladies and gentlemen -- my co-pilot grabbed the wrong stick."
10> "Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has turned off the 'No Groping' sign...."
9> "We'll now begin pre-boarding for passengers with cups C through D."
8> You lowered your window shade, but you can still see a full moon. Six of 'em, in fact.
7> Earning Mile High Club membership requires much less strategizing than with other airlines.
6> At meal time, nobody orders the pulled chicken.
5> "... and those of you on the left side of the cabin, if you now look to the right, you can see the towering timber of flight attendant Brian."
4> The guy next to you won't shut up about how tough it is to be the only African-American on the Supreme Court.
3> It's much easier to tell when somebody's coming down the aisle with nuts.
2> "And now in the left aisle, serving cocktails, come on guys, put your hands together for Taammyyyy*!"
1> Forget flotation devices -- after what those seat cushions have been through, you'd rather drown.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 17 Prison Movies Starring Martha Stewart |
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| Posted by Christopher J. Lennon on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 17 Prison Movies Starring Martha Stewart17> You've Got Jail!
16> Gone With the Window Treatment
15> Desperately Seeking Souffle
14> Hang 'Em High, Using Only Dried Flowers, a Plastic Milk Jug and a Glue Gun
13> My Big Fat Butch Cellmate
12> Out of Attica
11> The Seafoam and Ecru Faux-Finished Mile
10> The Longest Yard (of Imported Silk Gingham Fabric That Would Make a Delightful Throw Pillow)
9> The Seven-to-Ten Years Bitch
8> Shivving Miss Doily
7> Martha's StrangeLunch, or How She Learned to Quit Worrying and Eat Both Her Soup and Her Dessert With the Same Spoon
6> Quiche of the Insider Woman
5> The Shawshank Redecoration
4> Midnight Espresso
3> How Martha Got Her Shiv Back
2> Cool Ham Soup
1> Date Breads in a Duffel Bag
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Signs Your Personal Hygiene Efforts Are Insufficient |
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| Posted by Cam Jones on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Signs Your Personal Hygiene Efforts Are Insufficient15> Your head lice have constructed condos and are beginning to sell time-shares.
14> Your dog cautiously rolls his flea collar across the room to you.
13> Not only do women say they'd rather be dead than sleep with you, two actually set themselves on fire to make their point.
12> The EPA declares your pants a toxic Superfund site.
11> Neighborhood children take great joy in writing "Please wash me!" in the filth on the back of your neck.
10> Each time you shower, the terror threat level goes down one color.
9> You've been permanently banned from the local fish market.
8> When you try to head the soccer ball, it just sticks there.
7> The good news: A co-worker politely tells you there's something in your beard.
The bad news: It's a bird's nest.
6> Pamela Anderson just dumped you for the garbage man.
5> That pesky Odor-Eaters marketing department guy keeps calling, claiming you can be "the Michael Jordan of smelly feet."
4> You're awakened from a sound sleep by your cat's valiant efforts to bury you.
3> Your soap doesn't just lather, it boils.
2> You easily thwart vampires with the garlic smell emanating from your underwear.
1> Congress is currently deadlocked on allowing oil drilling in the region they've dubbed "Jim's Ass Pimple #3."
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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