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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Quotes We Wish Were in the "Lord of the Rings" Movies |
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| Posted by Hyper Tin on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Quotes We Wish Were in the "Lord of the Rings" Movies
15> "Say my name, dwarf!"
14> "Look, Sam, my name isn't *Mr.* Frodo -- it's Frodo. Mr. Baggins if you're nasty."
13> "You had me at 'Aiya vanima.'"
12> "Nice work killing that Orc, faithful friend, but still it twitches. Slay it again, Sam!"
11> "I. Don't. Like. The. Leggings. Drying. On. The. Rod!"
10> "It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that ring... doo-wah-tee-wah, doo-wah-tee-wah, doo-wah-tee-wah!"
9> "Brethren of Gondor, we are gathered here to join Arwen Evenstar and Aragorn, son of Arathorn, in holy matrimony. Frodo, do you have the ring?"
8> "Elvens have left the building."
7> "Attention, audience: Fair Arwen is speaking, so you may all relax, as nothing important will take place. The next 10 minutes would be an excellent time to go pee."
6> "Legolas my Eggolas!"
5> "Go not by that path, Aragorn! For my young companion Osment sees dead people!"
4> "Smeagol, do you like movies about gladiators?"
3> "You sure you ain't never been just a wee bit curious, Mr. Frodo?"
2> "Ha! Let the dark armies of Saruman come! It would take an entire brigade of giant mutant four-tusked elephants to conquer our... well, son of a bitch!"
1> "Run, forest, run!"
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by Maryanne on 14-Aug-2005 | List of Terms for Taking a Crap
Anal puking
Analyzing a log dump
Answering the call of the wild
Backing the trailer in
Baking a hot icicle
Baking a loaf
Baking a potato
Baking a russet
Baking some brownies
Baptising (insert ethnic derogatory here) eggs/larvae
Barbarians at the gate
Becoming one with the animal kingdom
Being anal-nonretentive
Big brown man knocking on the back door
Birthing a turd
Blowing mud
Blowing a butt plug
Blowing the butt trumpet
Bombing the bowl
Bombing Hiroshima
Bombing the Oval Office
Bombing the Tidy Bowl Man
Building a bench
Building a dookie castle
Building a Gomer Pyle (gawwwwleeee, Sarge!)
Building a home for a dung beetle
Burying an elf
Carpet bombing
Catching up on some reading
Chalking the bowl
Choking a brownie
Choking a darkie
Chopping a log
Christening a boat
Cleaning the tuba
Coiling a steamer
Committing yourself to the dumpatorium
Communing with nature
Conducting a movement
Consulting your ASStrological chart
Contaminating the dog dish
Cooking a brown carrot
Cooking a brown kielbasa
Cooking a butt burrito
Cooking some chocolate
Cooking some fudge
Cooking some sausage
Cooking up a pot of anal stew
Crap
Crimping off a length
Creating an ex-wife/ex-husband
Crunching one
Curling some pipe
Cutting some rope
Dancing with Duece Bigalog
Debulking
Defecate
Delivering a wild pitch
Dirty birth
Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap
Disembowel
Disemfibering
Disposing of some hazardous waste
Doing your paperwork
Doing the Royal Squat
Doo-doo
Dookin it out
Downloading some brownware
Drawing mud
Drilling for mud bunnies
Dropping a bomb
Dropping a brown trout
Dropping a chocolate cobra
Dropping a deuce
Dropping a dookie
Dropping a load
Dropping a log
Dropping a scone
Dropping a spike
Dropping a stool
Dropping anchor
Dropping loggy log
Dropping the chalupa
Dropping the kids off at the pool/lake
Dropping wolf bait
Dropping your ordinance
Drowning the kittens
Dump
Dumping a load
Dumping an organic depth charge
Dumping a stump
Emptying your anus
Enjoying a meatball sandwich
Evacuate
Exploring the watery cave
Exporting a cigar to Cuba
Feeding the fish
Feeding the flies
Feeding the pets
Feeding the refugees
Feeding your toilet
Fighting the rat
Filling the peanut butter jar
Firing the cannon
Flexing your cheeks
Floating a boat
Floating a trout
Floating one for the Gipper
Flossing
Flushing feces
Forcing the duck to quack
Foraging for dungleberries
Full moon over troubled waters
Getting down and dirty
Getting into deep doo-doo
Giving a dirty birth
Giving a (insert ethnic derogatory here) a burial at sea
Giving birth to a (insert ethnic derogatory here)
Giving the hemmies (or the man in the canoe - for the ladies) some breathing room
Giving the neighbors some food for thought
Goin' fecen
Going caca
Going into labor
Greeting Mr. Hankey (South Park kicks ass!)
Grinding the beef
Growing a tail
Grunting a loaf
Hanging a grogan
Hatching a new boss
Having a shit
Heaving a Havana
Hitting a double
Hitting pay dirt
Honking out a dirt snake
Hound doggin'
Hurling a turd
Igniting a rectal rocket
Inspecting the facilities
Jettisoning the alien*
Killing the bathroom
Killing the shitter
Launching a butt shuttle
Launching a corn canoe
Launching a scud
Launching a torpedo
Laying a brick
Laying a log
Laying some brown carpet
Laying some cable
Laying some pipe
Let my people go
Letting off a corn rocket
Letting the dog out
Loading the crapper
Log jam
Logging out
Losing some weight the quick way
Making a Baby Ruth
Making a core dump
Making a delivery
Making a deposit at the porcelain bank
Making a doo-doo
Making a grunt sculpture
Making a log entry
Making a Minnesota hand warmer
Making modern art
Making mud
Making room for lunch
Making some butt gravy
Making some fertilizer
Making some haggis
Making some trouser chili
Manufacturing a three-coil steamer
Meditating
Measuring the depths of the water below
Microwaving a dachsund
Mooning the Tidy Bowl Man
Negotiating the release of the chocolate hostages
Offloading some freight
Packing your underwear
Painting with the brown stuff
Painting the bowl
Parking your breakfast
Parking some bark
Passing a load of coal down the chute
Passing the baton
Paving the Hershey highway
Paying the plumber
Peeling the wallpaper
Pinching a chimp
Pinching a crusty roll
Pinching a loaf
Planting a steaming bouquet of brown roses
Pinching the head off a (insert ethnic derogatory here)
Pissing rusty water out of your ass
Planting some corn
Playing at the toilet bowl
Playing a small percussion instrument
Playing craps
Playing with Winnie the Poo (sic)
Plop
Poking the turtle's head out
Polluting the pond
Pooping
Popping some corn
Praying to Buddha
Punching a grumpy
Punishing the porcelain
Putting fruit in the bowl
Quaking the porcelain
Quickening the cleansing
Recycling corn/fiber
Releasing a load of bowel bombs
Releasing the demons
Releasing the hounds
Releasing your payload
Removing a butt tampon
Reversing a Ho-Ho
Riding the ceramic carthorse
Riding the hoop
Ringing the church bells (Dung! Dung!)
Rocking your rectum
Ripping a duece
Rolling a nut log
Sandblasting the toilet
Sawing off a log
Scaring up a tater
Seeking revenge for the Brown Bomber
Sending a message to the White House
Shaking your booty
Shit
Shooting the Hershey squirts
Singing with Michael Bolton
Sinking the Bismark
Sinking a link
Sitting on the bowl
Sitting on the can
Sitting on the throne
Slapping the pod
Snapping a log
Snapping a yambo
Solid fart
Sphincter snot
Sphincter spew
Sphincter spurt
Spray and wipe
Squat and clench
Squeezing a coily
Squeezing a loaf
Squeezing off a few rounds
Squeezing one out
Squeezing out those last few calories
Squeezing the butt mustard
Squeezing the cheese
Squirting dirt
Staining the porcelain
Stocking the pond with brown trout
Stretching the sphincter muscle
Studying at the library
Tainting the cloth
Taking a doogie
Taking a dump
Taking a Donald dump
Taking a growler
Taking a load off your mind
Taking an SS Capolongo
Taking a shit
Taking a steamer
Taking the Browns to the Super Bowl
Taking the kids to the waterslide
Testing the plumbing
Torqueing a moon-fish
Touching cloth
Training a (insert ethnic derogatory here) to jump through the hoop
Turning the wienermobile into a submarine
Unleashing the holy leviathan
Updating the Captain's log
Vacating the premises
Visiting the toilet for a poo-poo
Voiding your bowels
Watching a dolphin splash
Weasel nosing
Xeroxing a copy of the bad stuff
Yanking the worm out of the hole
Yodeling in the canyon
Zapping the porcelain
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Celebrity-Written Books Whose Titles Would Invite Lawsuits |
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| Posted by If Amblue on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Celebrity-Written Books Whose Titles Would Invite Lawsuits
15> O.J. Simpson -- "Okay, Fine, I Killed the Bitch. Happy?"
14> Dick Cheney -- "Oil the President's Men"
13> Kid Rock -- "Marshall Is Right: His Moms Is a Stupid Bitch"
12> Madonna -- "Britney Could Sure Use a Pack o' Them Breath Strips!"
11> Pat Sajak -- "Game Show Personalities I Vanna Nail"
10> Michael Moore -- "I Distort, You Deride"
9> The Menendez Brothers -- "Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut, Sometimes You Don't"
8> Jerry Rice -- "Commitment to Excellence, My Ass"
7> Justin Timberlake -- "I Banged Britney: My Big Book of Incriminating Pictures"
6> Jeffrey Dahmer -- "Finger Lickin' Good Recipes"
5> Chris White -- "My Brilliant Original Humor Formats, and How David Letterman, Jack Handey and Those Bastards at the Onion Stole Them From Me"
4> Kobe Bryant -- "Lying Hos and the Big Fat Lies They Lie-Lie-Lie About"
3> Lisa Marie Presley -- "Blowing Bubbles With the King of Pop"
2> John Travolta -- "101 Unspeakably Evil Yet Very Effective Brain-Washing Techniques Successfully Used on Me by Those Scientology Weasels"
1> Nicole Kidman -- "Of *Course* He's Gay"
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by The Mad Stuffer on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Rejected Fall TV Shows15> Smellville
14> Spitting It Up! with Ali & Jack
13> Mayberry B.F.D.
12> American Midol
11> 8 Simple Rules for Emptying My Bladder
10> Queer Eye for Ricky Martin's Ass
9> Hallucidate
8> The $64,000 Rhetorical Question
7> Everybody Loves Rumsfeld
6> JAG Off
5> Friends' Friends' Friends
4> Law & Order: Special Cow-Tipping Victim's Unit
3> Monday Night Foosball
2> Drunk'd
1> Welcome Back, Qatar
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 12 Indications Your Family Camping Trip Isn't Going Well |
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| Posted by Scott D. Willson on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 12 Indications Your Family Camping Trip Isn't Going Well
12> Not content with stealing all your food, the bears are now insisting you pay a two-trout-a-day "protection fee."
11> As you're setting up your campsite, the bears are busy drawing chalk outlines of your family.
10> First you forget to bring toilet paper, and now you're starting to think that improvising with those handy red leaves may have been a rash decision.
9> After finally getting the kids off to sleep, your husband realizes he left his "tent-pitching" pills at home.
8> Wife: insists on hanging all the food from a tree.
You: the food.
7> The creepy guy from the cabin up the way just asked you to read his manifesto.
6> Daddy picked you up for the trip at 3 a.m., told you not to tell your mother about it, and appears to be headed for a campsite in Mexico.
5> All nine of you, including your 50-ish housekeeper, are stripped bare, and *still* your makeshift clothes-lasso isn't long enough to knock that crazy prospector's key from the jail house peg.
4> Last time you started the campfire, three states asked for federal disaster aid.
3> The presence of the bear combined with the absence of Mommy.
2> Your Dad's latest entry on his PDA reads, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play...."
1> While assembling your stove, you lost the kids -- in the propane explosion.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 13 Taglines for Movies Featuring Unlikely Action Heroes |
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| Posted by mega on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 13 Taglines for Movies Featuring Unlikely Action Heroes13> Anna Nicole Smith goes after ancient treasure as Emma Balmer in "Tomb Dater."
12> See George Walker Bush as George Herbert Walker Bush in "Once Upon a Time in Iraq."
11> William Shatner shows terrorists for the bald-faced liars they are as Frank Follicle in "Toupe Beverly Hills."
10> Ben Kingsley's done with passive resistance -- now MaHotHead Gandhi's thinning out the bad guys in "The Fasting and the Furious."
9> David Spade as Sammy the Elf in "I Nailed Mrs. Claus."
8> Don Knotts is Henry Limpet in "The Ass-Kicking Mr. Limpet: Limpet Lives!"
7> Nick Nolte *is* Al Coholic in "Cider-Man."
6> McCauley Culkin as Neo in "Matrix, We Are Now Officially Out of Ideas."
5> From Vice President to adventure hero, don't miss "Indiana Quayle and the Spelling Bee of Doom."
4> Gray Davis as Private Sector in "The Terminated."
3> Pee Wee Herman as Rod Wanker tries his hand at self-espionage in "The Pourne Identity."
2> Justin Timberlake goes where no man has gone before as I. D. Flowerder in "Breakfast at Britney's."
1> Woody Allen one-ups Shaft as Oedipus X in "Mighty Afrodite."
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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