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| Posted by The Mad Stuffer on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Rejected Fall TV Shows15> Smellville
14> Spitting It Up! with Ali & Jack
13> Mayberry B.F.D.
12> American Midol
11> 8 Simple Rules for Emptying My Bladder
10> Queer Eye for Ricky Martin's Ass
9> Hallucidate
8> The $64,000 Rhetorical Question
7> Everybody Loves Rumsfeld
6> JAG Off
5> Friends' Friends' Friends
4> Law & Order: Special Cow-Tipping Victim's Unit
3> Monday Night Foosball
2> Drunk'd
1> Welcome Back, Qatar
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 12 Indications Your Family Camping Trip Isn't Going Well |
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| Posted by Scott D. Willson on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 12 Indications Your Family Camping Trip Isn't Going Well
12> Not content with stealing all your food, the bears are now insisting you pay a two-trout-a-day "protection fee."
11> As you're setting up your campsite, the bears are busy drawing chalk outlines of your family.
10> First you forget to bring toilet paper, and now you're starting to think that improvising with those handy red leaves may have been a rash decision.
9> After finally getting the kids off to sleep, your husband realizes he left his "tent-pitching" pills at home.
8> Wife: insists on hanging all the food from a tree.
You: the food.
7> The creepy guy from the cabin up the way just asked you to read his manifesto.
6> Daddy picked you up for the trip at 3 a.m., told you not to tell your mother about it, and appears to be headed for a campsite in Mexico.
5> All nine of you, including your 50-ish housekeeper, are stripped bare, and *still* your makeshift clothes-lasso isn't long enough to knock that crazy prospector's key from the jail house peg.
4> Last time you started the campfire, three states asked for federal disaster aid.
3> The presence of the bear combined with the absence of Mommy.
2> Your Dad's latest entry on his PDA reads, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play...."
1> While assembling your stove, you lost the kids -- in the propane explosion.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 13 Taglines for Movies Featuring Unlikely Action Heroes |
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| Posted by mega on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 13 Taglines for Movies Featuring Unlikely Action Heroes13> Anna Nicole Smith goes after ancient treasure as Emma Balmer in "Tomb Dater."
12> See George Walker Bush as George Herbert Walker Bush in "Once Upon a Time in Iraq."
11> William Shatner shows terrorists for the bald-faced liars they are as Frank Follicle in "Toupe Beverly Hills."
10> Ben Kingsley's done with passive resistance -- now MaHotHead Gandhi's thinning out the bad guys in "The Fasting and the Furious."
9> David Spade as Sammy the Elf in "I Nailed Mrs. Claus."
8> Don Knotts is Henry Limpet in "The Ass-Kicking Mr. Limpet: Limpet Lives!"
7> Nick Nolte *is* Al Coholic in "Cider-Man."
6> McCauley Culkin as Neo in "Matrix, We Are Now Officially Out of Ideas."
5> From Vice President to adventure hero, don't miss "Indiana Quayle and the Spelling Bee of Doom."
4> Gray Davis as Private Sector in "The Terminated."
3> Pee Wee Herman as Rod Wanker tries his hand at self-espionage in "The Pourne Identity."
2> Justin Timberlake goes where no man has gone before as I. D. Flowerder in "Breakfast at Britney's."
1> Woody Allen one-ups Shaft as Oedipus X in "Mighty Afrodite."
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by blackcat on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 14 Upcoming David Blaine Stunts
14> Spending 50 days at a psychiatrist's office and having himself declared officially insane.
13> Remaining in suspended animation until Ben and J.Lo are married, either to each other or someone else.
12> Finding a few non-journalists who actually give a damn.
11> Attempting to set a new record for bitch-slapping Donald Trump.
10> Spending a week in a room full of cameras without seeking publicity.
9> Free-diving the depths of his own narcissism.
8> Attempting to live for six weeks eating nothing but tidbits combed from the beards of the ZZ Top guys.
7> Getting laid without resorting to magic.
6> Surviving three weeks nestled in Elizabeth Taylor's cleavage.
5> Pulling his head completely out of his ass.
4> Going trick-or-treating in Harlem while dressed as a pointy-headed ghost.
3> Attempting to free-climb Anna Nicole Smith.
2> Holding his breath until his 15 minutes are up.
1> Flying solo, non-stop around the world, suspended from his inflated ego.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by Rachael Barbutes on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 16 Rejected McDonald's Slogans
16> Tastes Just Like Real Food!
15> We Love to See You Waddle
14> Screw Jenny Craig
13> We Are Legally Obliged to Tell You That Grimace Is a Convicted Sex Offender
12> America, Your Weight Is Over!
11> Same Crap, Same Prices -- Just Keep Buyin' It, Tubby
10> Two All-Beef Patties, Special Sauce, Lettuce, Cheese, Pickles, Onions, Britney's an Insatiable Screaming Nymphomaniac Who Barks Uncontrollably When She Gets It Doggy Style
9> Open Wide, You Lemmings
8> Wipe Your Chins, McLardbutt
7> Go Ahead and Sue Us, Tubby -- Your Bad Eating Habits Put Seven of Ray Kroc's 19 Grandkids Through Law School at Harvard
6> Spill a Coffee and WIN!
5> Relax, PETA -- That Ain't Really Chicken
4> Super-Sizing Americans Since 1954
3> You Don't Want to Waste Away Like That Subway Guy, Do You?
2> You Deserve a Wake Today
1> I'm Shovelin' It
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 16 Signs a Radio Talk Show Host Is on Drugs |
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| Posted by JERRY WIGGINS on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 16 Signs a Radio Talk Show Host Is on Drugs
16> Takes phone calls only if the caller agrees to do a hit of helium first.
15> Spent the last 15 minutes of yesterday's show clearing his throat.
14> His response to every caller: "Dave's not here, man."
13> Cannot refer to Eli Lilly without adding the phrase "makers of some mighty fine sh*t."
12> "Microphones! There are microphones everywhere!!"
11> Every call is screened through a rigorous "Are you a cop? You sure? You gotta say so or else it's entrapment, man!" line of questioning.
10> Claims he can do his show "with half my stash hidden under my bed just to make it fair."
9> While interviewing Barbara Bush, constantly refers to her son as George Washington and adds how much "you two dudes look alike."
8> He's talking into an iced-tea spoon.
7> Ted Nugent cuts the interview short and advises the host to "try decaf."
6> He's on a seven-second delay even when he's OFF the air.
5> Refuses to give out the show's telephone number because "The Man can trace it, dude!"
4> Takes payola only in the form of Cool Ranch Doritos.
3> Calls for drastic retaliation against Arab states for their nuking of Arizona and the poisoning of President Palmer.
2> Can't stop giggling long enough to hear what "Dick in Buffalo" has to say.
1> Begins every news segment with: "First, let's go to my beeper for a quick look at the traffic."
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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