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| Posted by Kim H on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Signs Your Roommate Is Dead15> He actually smells *better* these days.
14> She hasn't chattered incessantly during "Monday Night Football" for weeks.
13> Every time the phone rings, the caller ID says "GRIM REAPER."
12> You just blew this month's entire grocery budget on Glade plug-ins.
11> Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman show up with an extra pair of sunglasses to take him on a series of zany misadventures.
10> For the first time in years, your pay-per-view porn bill is less than your rent.
9> She usually just eats all your yogurt, but now she's trying to eat your brain.
8> Your date takes one look at him and asks, "What's Keith Richards doing here?"
7> Lately, she's become a little more receptive to your advances.
6> Roommate hanging a tie on the doorknob? Hot date.
Roommate hanging by his tie? Not so hot.
5> You don't remember buying a bean-bag chair.
4> Last week: Steady stream of cheerleaders going into his room with beer.
This week: Goth chicks with chainsaws leaving his room with small bundles wrapped in plastic.
3> The cleaning lady has started tacking on a $50 "heebie-jeebie fee."
2> Note on fridge: "Rent will be late, like me."
1> He's won a record 147 straight staring contests.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 20 Least Successful Restaurant Chains |
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| Posted by *Supa_Fli_Monkey_Poo* on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 20 Least Successful Restaurant Chains20> Slippery Slim's Happy Trails Snail Buffet
19> International House of Pancreas
18> Gandhiburger
17> Day-Old Discount Sushi Emporium
16> NRA Kill It/Grill It Steakhouse
15> Dahmer's Deli De-Lites
14> Tofu Bell
13> Jackass... the Restaurant
12> Hirsooters
11> Captain Tricky's Raw Pork Bar
10> Outhouse Out Back Steakhouse
9> Hairy Queen
8> Pee Wee's Hand-Jerked Chicken
7> Tastes Like Shiite Iraqi Cuisine
6> Phlegmpie's
5> Preggo's Sardine, Pickle and Ice Cream Parlor
4> Just Taste All That Greece!
3> Francisco McGillicutty's Bogus Ethnic Forced-Fun Emporium
2> Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf's Wonderful, Vermin-Free Restaurant
1> Bob Dole's Foot-Long Hot Dogs
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by Aaron D. Fredrick on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 16 Programs on Spike TV16> Beer Factor
15> Trading Spouses
14> SCI: Strip Club Investigation
13> That '70s Chauvinism
12> 6 Minutes
11> Martha Stewart's Living... IN HELL!
10> Iron Chef Boyardee's Bachelor Cooking Smackdown
9> Hookers Say the Darndest Things!
8> Everybody Loves Raymond in a Healthy, Heterosexual, Manly Way
7> Xtreme Stooges
6> Boffing the Vampire Slayer
5> Survivor: Fabric Store
4> Who Wants to Beat Up a Figure Skater?
3> Twin Peaks -- I Kid You Not!
2> Judging Amy's
1> Farts: The Ken Burns Documentary
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 14 Movies We'd Like to See This Summer |
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| Posted by Andre Cardinal on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 14 Movies We'd Like to See This Summer14> Teen sex comedy has never been as safe as it is in... "The Latex Reloaded."
13> How far will one reporter go to get an exclusive with the President? All the way. She was "Embedded."
12> An insatiable desire for rich, gooey cookies leads to a miracle in "Mrs. Fields of Dreams."
11> They found more bargains than they'd bargained for while "Goodwill Shopping."
10> Stan, Kyle and Cartman are at it again in "South Park II: Bigger, Longer, Uncut, Pierced and Kinda Curving to the Left."
9> It was a love they couldn't mask -- until the doctor told them, "You've Got SARS."
8> It knows your name, it knows your phone number, it knows where you live. Beware... "The Telemarketer."
7> A frustrated everyman's wish grants him the powers of the Boss: "Bruce, All Righty!"
6> She was sleazy, but she was also cheap and the only hooker around. Haley Joel Osment stars in the terrifying tale of "Six Cents."
5> An aging defense attorney takes on a cute young prosecutor both in the courtroom and, with the help of some little blue pills, in the bedroom in "Matlock: Reloaded."
4> She went down on you once and she'll do it again in "Titanic II: The Re-Sinking."
3> Sure, it was furniture, but it was EVIL furniture! See "Something Wicker This Way Comes."
2> Women desired them for their freakishly oversized appendages, but men called them mutants... "The XXX-Men."
1> Who will lead the new Iraq? The drama escalates in... "Revenge of the Kurds."
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Least-Visited Exhibits at the Science Fiction Museum |
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| Posted by Lady Love on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Least-Visited Exhibits at the Science Fiction Museum15> The Smoking Man Interactive Virtual Lung
14> Darth Vader's Prescription Inhaler
13> William Shatner's Corset Collection
12> Michael Jackson's Ever-Morphing Face
11> The Sad Remains of Mark Hamill's Career
10> JarJarMania!
9> The Few, The Proud: A Salute to Sci-Fi Fans Who Have Married Women
8> Video Quiz: Tribble, Wookiee or Shatner's Hairpiece?
7> The Blobateria
6> Scotty's Hall of Hemorrhoids
5> The "What You Missed at the Prom" Exhibit
4> Glow-in-the-Dark Jabba the Hut From the Ferengi House of Earwax Figures Collection
3> The men's room condom machine
2> The Trouble With Dribbles: Incontinence and the Older Sci-Fi Fan
1> Sci-Fi Writing Awards Hands-On Display: Touch a Nebula, Feel a Hugo, Fondle a Dick!
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by Chantise J. hunt on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 16 Missing Parts of Movie Ad Quotes
16> "A gem!" ... "It should be embedded under 10,000 feet of solid rock."
15> "Pulse-pounding!" ... "hair-tearing, teeth-grinding and curse-spewing!"
14> "Erotic!" ... "as your grandmother rolling about naked in a vat of creamed corn."
13> "Arnold Schwarzenegger has never been funnier!" ... "Too bad this was a *drama*."
12> "As good as the book!" ... "which also sucked ass."
11> "The South as you have never seen it!" ... "because it never has, nor ever could it ever, exist this way."
10> "A non-stop thrill ride!" ... "that will leave you nauseous and possibly impotent."
9> "Stallone delivers!" ... "his lines like a heavily medicated lab monkey."
8> "The feel-good hit of the summer!" ... "of 1945 during the bombing of Dresden, where anything short of massive explosions would make you feel good."
7> "The sleeper of 2003!" ... "Be sure to bring a pillow."
6> "A perfect date movie!" ... "if you never want to see that clingy loser again."
5> "This movie will tug at your heart" ... "with the subtlety of a strung-out cardiologist with the shakes."
4> "Kirk Douglas is a treasure!" ... "that it's high time we buried and forgot about."
3> "Two thumbs way up!" ... "my rectum would be less painful than sitting through this movie again."
2> "Five stars!" ... "turned down the lead role before Rob Schneider reluctantly signed on."
1> "I'm going to see it again and again!" ... "in that recurring alcohol-fueled nightmare I have where Satan reminds me how much of my life I've wasted."
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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