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():animal jokes (1719): The Top 17 Headlines in Animal Newspapers (Part II) |
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| Posted by craig brennan on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 17 Headlines in Animal Newspapers (Part II)
17> American Kennel Club Approves "Freedom Poodle" Name Change
16> Father of 12 Charged With Eating Children
15> Local Dingo Breaks World Record in Baby-Eating Competition
14> Teens Most Likely to Become Roadkill; Elderly Close Second
13> Fluffy Accused of "Going Outside the Box"
12> Tiger Dominates Masters, Arrested at Dinner
11> President Claims: "I Did Not Have Sex With That Leg"
10> Elephants Denied Vote in Democratic Primary
9> MASTER RETURNS! Abandoned Rover Excited, Hungry
8> Roy Attacker: "Evil Dictator Had to Go"
7> Authorities Question Siamese Immigrant as Koi-Pond Murder Spree Enters Third Week
6> Farmer Jones to Mooove
5> Hundreds Injured in Slugville Salt Factory Explosion
4> Countless Canines Defrauded in Fake Ball-Throw Scam
3> REX BAD! (Page 14)
2> Siamese Cats Separated
1> Chinese Soccer Team Scandal: Shih Tzu Hits Fan
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by Jim Smith on 14-Aug-2005 | All about CowsThis is weird.... it really works, just follow the directions.
These are the words
- Cows
- About
- Talking
- Hole
- Ass
- This
- Got
- I
- Long
- How
- Look
1. Say COW before each word:
i.e.
- Cow Cows
- Cow About
- Cow Talking
- Cow Hole
- Cow Ass
- Cow This
- Cow Got
- Cow I
- Cow Long
- Cow How
- Cow Look
2. Say COW after each word:
i.e.
Cows Cow -
About Cow -
Talking Cow -
Hole Cow -
Ass Cow -
This Cow -
Got Cow -
I Cow -
Long Cow -
How Cow -
Look Cow -
3. Say COW before and after each word:
i.e.
- Cow Cows Cow -
- Cow About Cow -
- Cow Talking Cow -
- Cow Hole Cow -
- Cow Ass Cow -
- Cow This Cow -
- Cow Got Cow -
- Cow I Cow -
- Cow Long Cow -
- Cow How Cow -
- Cow Look Cow -
4. Start at the bottom and read the words upwards:
Cows
About
Talking
Hole
Ass
This
Got
I
Long
How
Look
I cant believe that you actually did this!!!!!!!
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| Posted by Mafia on 14-Aug-2005 | Killed the RoosterA guy who ran over a rooster on a country road late one night. He felt bad, so he went up to the nearby house, knocks on the door and says to the old farmer:
"Sir, I just ran over your Rooster, and i'd like to replace it."
And of course, the old farmer shrugs and replies: "Be my guest. The hens are out back."
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| Posted by angel phobia on 14-Aug-2005 | DoggygramA German shepherd went to a Western Union office, took out a blank form and wrote, "Woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof...woof."
The clerk examined the paper and told the dog, "There are only nine words here," he said. "You could send another 'woof' for the same price."
"But," the dog replied, "that would be silly."
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():animal jokes (1719): The Top 15 Personal Ads Placed by Animals |
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| Posted by Brent A. Lund on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Personal Ads Placed by Animals15> Rhino: Horny? I mean *REALLY* horny? Me, too!14> Elephant: Seeking BBF pachyderm who wants to embrace some tail. No fatties, please.13> Fly: Single black female Musca Domestica has compound eye out for that special male who'll share laughs, intimacy, turds.12> Horse: Hot filly ISO stud horse hung like same.11> Cat: Single declawed male tabby seeks similar female for LTR. I'm not just looking for some pussy.10> Parakeet: ISO loyal mate. Burned once when significant other turned out to be self in mirror.9> Pig: You root for me and I'll pork you! (Pigs only, please.)8> Lion: Single tawny lion seeks zebra into extreme S&M for very-short-term relationship.7> Platypus: Seeking mate. Funny-looking applicants need not apply.6> Praying Mantis: Looking for a mate who's willing to lose his head over me.5> Bear: Single brown professional bear seeks female bear for companionship. Must share passion to keep fires out of the forest -- and *in* the bedroom. No smokers.4> Mouse: Looking for a stable, stay-at-nest kinda guy. I don't give a rat's ass about looks.3> Squirrel: Wild and crazy guy seeks soul mate for outdoor frolicking, al fresco dining and terrorizing blue-haired park interlopers.2> Sloth: Looking for someone willing to take things slowly.1> Dog: Who's a pretty girl? Who's a pretty girl?!? Is it you? *Is* it? Leave your reply on the oak outside 1432 Crestwood. [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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():animal jokes (1719): The Top 14 Things Overheard at an Animal Hotel (Part II) |
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| Posted by 13 inches on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 14 Things Overheard at an Animal Hotel (Part II)14> Something tells me that booking the Lions Club and the Elks conventions at the same time was a really bad idea. 13> We'll leave the lid up for you. 12> Well, our records show that you DID watch 'Dirty Dog-utantes' -- five times, in fact. Bad boy! Bad! 11> Would you prefer a shedding or non-shedding room? 10> Twenty bucks? Are you crazy? I can lick myself for free! 9> For cryin' out loud -- whose leg do you have to hump to get some service around here? 8> The health club here is excellent. I did an hour on the car-chase track. 7> Room service? There's only one fly in my soup! 6> Ah yes, I have your reservation right here. I just need some ID -- may I smell your butt? 5> ... and our restaurant is open until 10 o'clock, Mr. Lamb. But unfortunately, you're tonight's special. 4> You can have any room you want, Mr. 500-pound Gorilla. 3> Hello, my wife just vomited in room 215. Could you please send someone to clean it up before she-- never mind. 2> We do allow tipping, sir -- except when it comes to our bovine employees. 1> All of our rooms have hot tubs, Dr. Lobster. Why? [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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