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| Posted by mehru batra on 09-Aug-2005 | The wrong wayAs a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by jeefunk on 09-Aug-2005 | You have a driverTwo tour groups visited England.
They happened to rent a double-decker bus, with one group downstairs and the other upstairs.
The downstairs group was singing and dancing and the group upstairs just sat there.
Finally, one of the downstairs people went upstairs and asked why they weren't having as much fun.
"It's easy for you to relax and have fun," said one of the upstairs guys, "you have a driver."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Tahys on 09-Aug-2005 | No land yetWhen the ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting with all the animals.
"Listen up!" Noah said with a demanding voice.
"There will be NO sex on this trip. Not even the wetting of the tip of your penis. All of you males, take off your dicks and hand it in with my son's. I will be sitting over there and write you a receipt. After we see land, you can get your dicks back."
After about a week Mr. Rabbit stormed into his wife's cage and was very excited.
"Quick!" he said. "Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!"
Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders and looked out the window.
"Sorry, no land yet."
"Shit!" and out went Mr. Rabbit.
This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him.
"What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for forty days and nights. Only after the water had drained will we be able to see land. But why are you acting so excited every day?"
"Look!" said Mr. Rabbit with a sinister look on his face as he held out a piece of paper. "I got the donkey's receipt!!"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Nady on 09-Aug-2005 | Female AstronautsWhy is it good that we now have female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by Brandon k. Orr on 09-Aug-2005 | Crash landingAn airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."
Submitted by blueindiansquaw
Edited by Glaci
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| Posted by Michelle Robertson on 09-Aug-2005 | Wagon troubleA farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn.
The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles! Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
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