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| Posted by mehru batra on 09-Aug-2005 | The wrong wayAs a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by The Funny Jokester Guy on 09-Aug-2005 | Circle flyAn old farmer was hauling a load of manure when he was stopped by a state trooper.
"You were speeding," the cop said. "I'm going to have to give you a ticket."
"Yep," the farmer said as he watched the trooper shoo away several flies.
"These flies are terrible," the trooper complained.
"Yep," the farmer said. "Those are circle flies."
"What's a circle fly?"
"Them flies that circle a horse's ass," answered the farmer. "Them are circle flies."
"You wouldn't be calling me a horse's ass, would you?" The trooper angrily asked.
"Nope, I didn't," the farmer replied. "But you just can't fool them flies.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Matthew J. Rosen on 09-Aug-2005 | Lights outA man arrived at a seaside hotel where he had made a reservation rather late at night.
All the lights were out, so he knocked on the door.
After a long time a light appeared in an upstairs window and a woman called out, "Who are you? What do you want?"
"I'm staying here!"
"Stay there, then," she retorted, and slammed the window shut!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by britt conrado on 09-Aug-2005 | Who was that?A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world.
The agent had had a very good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way.
About a month later the little lady came in to his shop.
"And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by helen w on 09-Aug-2005 | Anchor's away!The grizzled old sea captain was quizzing a young, naval student.
"What steps would you take if a sudden storm came up on the starboard?"
"I'd throw out an anchor, sir."
"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"
"I'd throw out another anchor, sir."
"But what if a third storm sprang up forward?"
"I'd throw out another anchor, captain."
"Just a minute, son. Where in the world are you getting all these anchors?"
"From the same place you're getting all your storms, sir."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by Adam Terry on 09-Aug-2005 | 6 years from nowA motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road.
The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened.
He then asked what the animal was worth.
"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."
The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
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