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| Posted by Steven Strazzulla on 09-Aug-2005 | This is your Pilot s"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.
"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.
"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.
"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.
"That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"
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| Posted by LP05 on 09-Aug-2005 | Cowboy Gets 3 WishesA cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of Indians. The Indians were all prepared to kill him when the chief announced that due to the celebration of the Great Spirit, they would grant the cowboy three wishes before he would die.
"What do you want for your first wish?" asks the chief.
"I wanna talk to mah horse!" says the cowboy.
He goes over to his horse and whispers in its ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed.
About an hour later, the horse comes back with a naked lady on its back.
Well, the Indians are very impressed, so they let the cowboy use one of their teepees.
A little while later, the cowboy stumbles out of the teepee, tucking in his shirt. "What do you want for your second wish?" says the chief.
"I wanna talk to mah horse!" says the cowboy. Again, the cowboy whispers in the horses ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed.
About an hour later, the horse comes back with another naked lady on its back.
Well, the Indians are very impressed indeed. So, once again, they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. The cowboy stumbles out a little while later, and the chief asks the cowboy "What do you want for your last wish?"
"I wanna talk to mah horse!" says the cowboy. He grabs the horse by the ears and yells, "You stupid animal, I said POSSE, POSSE!!!!"
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| Posted by miss u.s.a on 09-Aug-2005 | Canada aids the USIt was announced today that Canada is now prepared to help the United States in its war against terrorism.
They have promised to commit 2 of their largest battleships, 6000 armed troops, and 60 fighter jets.
However, after the exchange rate, that comes down to a canoe, 2 Mounties, and a flying squirrel.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
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| Posted by Gary Jensen on 09-Aug-2005 | Stuck-up"Guess what I heard in the bar today?" a man asks his wife upon returning home.
"They think the milkman has slept with every woman on our block except one."
His wife replies, "I'll bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis in No. 23."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by Cersi on 09-Aug-2005 | Endangered speciesDemocrats are concerned about President Bush's Supreme Court nominee John Roberts.
They think he may be a threat to the endangered species list... Democrats, of course, have been worried about the endangered species list since they found out they were on it.
-Jay Leno
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| Posted by Sarah M. Henderson on 09-Aug-2005 | MolassesThere was a papa mole, a mamma mole, and a baby mole.
They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse.
Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!"
Mamma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!"
Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles.
Baby mole then said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."
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