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| Posted by roshan on 14-Aug-2005 | Thoughts for the dayThoughts for the day
1) Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2) One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3) Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4) If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have
monkeys and apes?
5) The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where
all the bad girls live.
6) I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the
self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the
purpose.
7) Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets
aren't going as ghosts, but as mattresses?
8) Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
9) And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S"
in it?
It is not known with what weapon World War III will be fought,
but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-- Albert Einstein
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| Posted by Mike Hunt on 08-Aug-2005 | Stupid studentWhy did the student eat his homework?
His teacher said it was a peace of cake.
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| Posted by eric yim on 08-Aug-2005 | TeletubbiesWhat do you call a teletubbie thats just been robbed?
A tubbi cos its telles been nicked
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| Posted by roshan on 09-Aug-2005 | Custer's last standAn eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called in an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return I expect to see it completed."
Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work. To his surprise he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this there were hundreds of Indians in various stages and different positions of making love.
Furious, he called the artist in. "What the hell is this?!" screamed the billionaire.
"Why, that's exactly what you asked for," said the artist smugly.
"No! I didn't ask for a mural of pornographic filth, I asked for a mural of the interpretation of Custer's last thoughts!"
"And there you have it," said the artist, "I call it 'Holy cow - look at all those fucking Indians!'"
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| Posted by El. on 09-Aug-2005 | Prison Trouble"Now then," said the warden addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot. "I would like to know two things. First, why did you revolt? And second, how did you get out of your cells?"
One of the three prisoners, Roy, stepped forward and said, "Warden, we revolted because the food here is awful."
"I see," says the Warden. "And the cell? What did you use to break the bars?"
Prisoner Roy replied, "Toast."
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