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| Posted by Nick G. Davis on 14-Aug-2005 | Three Dogs at the VetThree dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian's. One of
the dogs was hanging its head and sighing. The second dog turned to him
and asked "What are you in here for, buddy?" The dog looked depressed,
"I'm in big trouble", he said, "My owner has a really nice sports car with
leather seats. I just love to go for rides in it. Well, the other day, he
took me for a ride and I was so excited, I pee'd on the nice leather seat.
Now he's having me put to sleep."
"I know how you feel", said the second dog. "My owners have a beautiful,
expensive oriental rug. The other day they were late getting home from
work and I just couldn't help myself...I shit all over their nice carpet
and ruined it. They're having me put to sleep, too."
Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room. "So what are you
here for?" they asked. "Well," said the third dog, "my owner likes to do
her housework in the nude. The other day, she was vacuuming and she knelt
down to vacuum under the sofa, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped
on her back and had the ride of my life!"
The other dogs nodded in sympathy, "So she's having you put to sleep, too,
huh?" "No," said the dog, "I'm having my nails clipped."
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| Posted by Stephen W. Gradwell on 14-Aug-2005 | JimWhy did Jim fall of the bike?
Because Jim was a fish.
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| Posted by virtual v. virtual on 13-Aug-2005 | Jungle AdventureA gorilla is walking through the jungle. He parts the bushes by the watering hole and sees a lion taking a drink of water with his butt sticking up in the air. The gorilla thinks to himself that it would be really funny if he snuck up behind this "King of the Jungle" and slipped him the old sausage. So the gorilla sneaks up on his tiptoes behind the lion, grabs him by the hips and starts pumping him in the butt as hard as he can. Then, he pulls out and runs away, laughing his head off. He thinks it is the funniest thing he's ever done in his life, screwing the "King of the Jungle" in the rear end.
The lion is shocked and upset, lets out a mighty ROAR and chases the gorilla through the jungle. Now, the gorilla can't run very fast and the lion keeps getting closer and closer, so the gorilla ducks into a campsite, puts on some safari clothes and pith helmet, picks up a newspaper, sits down and holds it up to his face, and makes like he is reading it. Just then, the lion comes busting through the jungle.
"RRRRRROOOOOOOOAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!!" he says. "Did you just see a big gorilla run through here?"
The gorilla starts shaking behind the paper. "Uh, you mean the one that just s-s-s-screwed you in the ass?" he stutters.
The lion sits up with a start and says, "Jesus! It's in the paper already?"
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| Posted by Lazerwolf91 on 10-Aug-2005 | Beer Nuts vs. Deer NutsHow can you tell the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
The Beer Nuts are about a dollar fifty and the Deer Nuts are under a Buck
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| Posted by SexyChic04 on 14-Aug-2005 | Seeing Eye DogsThere's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a
Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy
with a Chihuahua, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get
something to eat." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go
in there. We've got dogs with us." The guy with the Doberman
Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead."
They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman
Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk
in. A guy at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed." The
guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This
is my seeing-eye dog." The guy at the door says, "A Doberman
Pinscher?" He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very
good." The guy at the door says, "Come on in."
The guy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts
on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. The guy at the
door says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The guy with the
Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye
dog." The guy at the door says, "A Chihuahua?" The guy with the
Chihuahua says, "You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?"
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():animal jokes (1719): Q: Why don't they play poker in the jungle? |
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| Posted by fuzzy slippers on 09-Aug-2005 | Q: Why don't they play poker in the jungle?A: Too many cheetahs.
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