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| Posted by Mel S on 08-Aug-2005 | Three DogsThere were three dogs at the vet talking to each other when one says,"I chewed up all my masters shoes, and that's why I'm here".
The next dog said,"I peed on my masters $1,000 rug".
The next dog then comes in and say's,"My master is a female and she likes to clean house in the nude, so when she bent over to pick up something, I went for the ride of a life time!".
"And that's why you're here?" asked the other dogs. "No, I'm getting my nails clipped."
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| Posted by Heavenly on 08-Aug-2005 | The Farmer's Prize GoatWell, a man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air.
He got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he walked, he came upon a hole. Wanting to see how deep it was, he threw a pebble down. No sound. So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound.
The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a boulder down. No sound. As he searched about, he spotted a railroad beam. He hauled it over to the hole, and shoved it in. No sound.
He sat down on the ground, exhausted. Suddenly, he saw a goat running at him, full speed. He leaped up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole. He listened, but there was no sound.
He sat down again. A few minutes later, a farmer came walking up. The man asked him, "How deep is this hole?" The farmer said, "Oh. Thats the bottomless pit. It never ends. Say, have you seen my prize goat?"
The man, not wanting to get the blame, said, "No." The farmer said, "Oh well. He can't get far. He was tied to a railroad beam."
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| Posted by Bitch 90210 on 08-Aug-2005 | Bad dogQ) What do you call a dog with no legs?
A) It doesn't matter, he won't come!
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| Posted by cow_bog on 08-Aug-2005 | Gorilla in a TreeA man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun.
"Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner, "I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctivly crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on"
"Ok, got it." the homeowner replied. "But whats that shotgun for?"
"If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the man said, "shoot the Chihuahua."
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| Posted by Elsa Romxo on 08-Aug-2005 | The snake and the new glassesA old snake goes to see his Doctor.
"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days".
The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.
Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
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| Posted by Mike J. Rees on 08-Aug-2005 | No Sex on the Ark!When the Ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting with all the animals. "Listen up!" Noah said with a demanding voice. "There will be NO SEX on this trip! All of you males take off your penis and hand it in to my sons. I will sit over there and write you a receipt. After we see land, you can get your penis back."
After about a week Mr. Rabbit stormed into his wife's cage and was very excited. "Quick!" he said, "Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!"
Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders, looked out the window, and said, "Sorry, no land yet."
"Darn it!", exclaimed Mr. Rabbit.
This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him. Mrs. Rabbit asked, "What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for forty days and nights. Only after the water has drained will we be able to see land. But why are you acting so excited every day?"
"LOOK!", said Mr. Rabbit with a sly expression, as he held out a piece of paper...
"I GOT THE HORSE'S RECEIPT!!"
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