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	():holiday jokes (333): TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING BUT AREN'T

Posted by Kathleen E. Ryan on 13-Aug-2005

TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING BUT AREN'T

TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING BUT AREN'T

10. 'Reach in and grab the giblets.'
9. 'Whew...that's one terrific spread!'
8. 'I am in the mood for a little dark meat!'
7. 'Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist.'
6. 'Talk about a HUGE breast!'
5. 'And he forces his way into the end zone!'
4. 'She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down.'
3. 'It's cool whip time!'
2. 'If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!'
1. 'It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out.'

3 people have rated this joke:

5.67/10


	():holiday jokes (333): The Australian Christmas

Posted by Bradley H. Stanley on 09-Aug-2005

The Australian Christmas

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Sweating his fat away
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Water-skis on his sleigh
Never have a white Christmas
When you in Melbourne live
Wearing hot pants on the beach
When you your presents give

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Sweating his fat away
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Water-skis on his sleigh

Chestnuts roasting on the sidewalk
Castles in the sand
Eating ice-cream, having good talks
Warm Christmas, isn't that grand?

2 people have rated this joke:

5.50/10


	():holiday jokes (333): Ebonics X-mas

Posted by BabyLissa on 11-Aug-2005

Ebonics X-mas

An Ebonics X-mas The Night Befo' Crizmus
Wuz da night befo Crizmus An all thru da hood Everybody be sleepin' Dey was sleepin real good

We hunged up our stockins An hoped like all heck Dat 'ol Sanny Claws Gonna brang us our check

All of da fambly Wuz layin in beds While Thunderbird wine Danced thru dere heds

I dun passed out on ze flo' Right nex to my maw When I heared such a fuss I thunk - it mus be da law

I looked out thru da bars What could I now do I was spectin the sherrif With a warrent for sho'

And what did I see Made me say, "Lawd look at dat" Dere was a huge watahmelon Pulled by 8 big ass rats

Now ober all da years Sanny Claws he be white But it looks like us bros Get a black Sanny tonite

Faster dan a po lice car My homeboy he came He whupped up on dem rats As he called dem be name

On Leroy, On Roosevelt On Virvus, On Willie On Yolanda, On Crayola On Kiesha, and Nefrotilly

An 'ol Sanny landed dat watahmelon Out dere in da street I knowed it fo shu Da damnest ting I eber did seed

Dat black Sanny didn't go down no chimbly He picked da lock on my do' An I sez to myeslf "Shit - He dis befo'

He had did big bag Full of prezents I speck Wif Air Jordans and fake gold To wear roun my nek

But he left no prezents Jus started stealin my shit Got my guns, got my crack Eben my burgler's kit

Wit my shit in his bag Out da windo he flew I sho woulda chased him But he got my knife too

He jumped on dat watahmelon Wit out a hitch He wuz gone in a second That son of a bitch

So nex year I be hopin' A white Sanny we git 'Cause a black Sanny Claws Jus ain't worf a shit!

2 people have rated this joke:

5.50/10


	():holiday jokes (333): Maxine's Top Ten New Years Resolutions...

Posted by Liz M. Whitt on 09-Aug-2005

Maxine's Top Ten New Years Resolutions...

Maxine's Top Ten New Years Resolutions

Skip exercise every day instead of just three times a week.

Call one of my relatives every day. Call one a doofus, call one a bonehead,
call one a jerkwood, call one a...

Go to the park more often to feed the pigeons...to the cat.

Stop eating so much high-fat fast food and eat more high-fat home cooking.

Expand my horizons with travel. In other words, use the upstairs bathroom
more.

Reread all my favorite novels. And this time read the whole book, not just
the steamy underlined parts.

Force myself to stop watching so much trashy TV. Rent trashy movies instead.

Teach Floyd a new trick, and remember to rotate which neighbors yard he does
it in.

Clean the house more often. Once a millennium just isn't enough.

And my Number One New Years Resolution:

Only moon people who absolutely, one hundred percent deserve it. So that's
still pretty much everybody.

1 people have rated this joke:

5.00/10


	():holiday jokes (333): Halloween Riddles

Posted by Brian Cannon on 13-Aug-2005

Halloween Riddles

Q: What happens when you forget to pay an exorcist?
A: You get re-possessed.

Q: What is the largest building in Transylvania?
A: The Vampire State Building.

Q: What does a weight-conscious vampire drink?
A: Blood Light.

Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.

3 people have rated this joke:

5.00/10