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():sport jokes (950): Top 10 things that sound dirty in golf but aren't


Posted by Lee Brooks on 13-Aug-2005

Top 10 things that sound dirty in golf but aren't

Top 10 things that sound dirty in golf but aren't

10. Nuts....my shaft is bent.
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Mind if I join your threesome?
5. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
4. Keep your head down and spread your legs a little more
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.
1. Hold up.....I need to wash my balls first.


   

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():sport jokes (950): Caring husband


Posted by sum messed up retard on 13-Aug-2005

Caring husband

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, 'Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!' The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. 'Yes?' replied the teacher. 'Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?'


   

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():sport jokes (950): Ski Season Preparation


Posted by phil jones on 13-Aug-2005

Ski Season Preparation

Ski season is here. The following is a list of exercises to help you prepare: Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.

Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.

If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.

Throw away a hundred dollar bill - now.

Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles.

Pretend you are looking for your car.

Sporadically drop things.

Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.

Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger.

Be sure you are in the longest line.

Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.

Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face.

Leave the ice on your face until it melts.

Let it drip into your clothes.

Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.

Slam your thumb in a car door.

Don't go see a doctor.

Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing.


   

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():sport jokes (950): Golfing for dollars


Posted by Mafia on 13-Aug-2005

Golfing for dollars

Sid and Barney head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. Sid says to Barney, ''Let's say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day.'' Barney agrees and they enjoy a great game.

After the 8th hole, Barney is ahead by 1 stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. ''Help me find my ball; you look over there,'' he says to Sid. After 5 minutes, neither has had any luck, and since a lost ball carries a four-point penalty, Barney pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ''I've found my ball!'' he announces triumphantly.

Sid looks at him forlornly, ''After all the years we've been friends, you'd cheat me on golf for a measly five bucks?'' ''What do you mean cheat? I found my ball sitting right here!''

''And a liar, too!'' Sid says with amazement. ''I'll have you know I've been standing on your ball for the last five minutes!''


   

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():sport jokes (950): Golf Victory


Posted by Siemen on 13-Aug-2005
Golf Victory
There was a guy so addicted to golf that all he did is go out on the links every single day. He had ambitions of making it to the Pros, so he took his game very seriously. One windy day while playing in the finals of a a tournament, the guy was in contention, so he played every shot with utmost care and concentration. After all the scores were submitted, he was declared the winner of the tournament. He went home to his wife with the trophy and some small cash prize.

He kept repeating his round over dinner. The wife, who is not the least bit interested in golf, got up and went to bed early. The guy follows after a few hours, still high on his golf championship. At around two in the morning, the wife jumps up and screams at her husband, who also gets startled and wakes up.

"What happened? Why are you screaming?" the guy asked his wife.

"Why wouldn't I shout? You just pulled a patch of hair from my privates and threw it up in the air!"


   

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():sport jokes (950): Golf balls


Posted by keith on 13-Aug-2005
Golf balls
A young man, who worked at a driving range, picked up a couple of dozen old balls one day and took them home with him, stuffing them into his pants pockets. On the bus on his way home, an elderly old lady sat down next to him, so he had to scrunch them up to make room for her.

He noticed after a while the lady was glancing sideways toward his pockets. A bit embarrassed, he said to the lady, "It's all right ma'am, they're just golf balls." She nodded and smiled sympathetically and a few moments later said, "Tell me - is that something like tennis elbow?"


   

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