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():sport jokes (950): Top 10 Ways to Make Hockey More Exciting |
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| Posted by Kelsey D. Dowswell on 14-Aug-2005 | Top 10 Ways to Make Hockey More Exciting10. Goalie removes an article of clothing for each goal allowed.
9. If the Zamboni goes less than 50 mph it blows up.
8. Canadians must play in bare feet.
7. Replace hockey sticks with live flamingos.
6. Just barely visible under the ice: the frozen body of Walt Disney.
5. At some point in every game - exciting police chase in the stands.
4. Actually have Jason from "Friday the 13th" skating around in his hockey mask trying to kill guys.
3. Instead of an ice rink, a huge red-hot griddle covered in bacon grease.
2. One word: blindfolds.
1. Lose the puck and goals - and make it a 4 period free-for-all.
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| Posted by Funloving Chick on 14-Aug-2005 | Mike Tyson and MetallicaQ: What's the difference between a Metallica concert and a Tyson - Holyfield match?
A: After the Metallica concert, there's a ring in the ears, after the bout, there are ears in the ring.
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():sport jokes (950): Top Ten Reasons Hockey is Better than Sex |
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| Posted by Domini V. Cunningham on 14-Aug-2005 | Top Ten Reasons Hockey is Better than Sex10. It's legal to play hockey professionally.
9. The puck is always hard.
8. Protective equipment is reusable and you don't even have to wash it.
7. It lasts a full hour.
6. You know you're finished when the buzzer sounds.
5. Your parents cheer when you score.
4. Periods only last 20 minutes.
3. You can count on it at least twice a week.
2. You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
1. A two-on-one or three-on-one is not uncommon.
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| Posted by Penguin66 on 14-Aug-2005 | Posted at a local golf club:1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Avoid a quick back swing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please... while others are preparing to go.
10. Don't take extra strokes.
Very good. Now flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off.
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| Posted by Bill C. Schroeder on 14-Aug-2005 | Learn How to Play GolfA woman playing golf was stung by a bee. Afraid she'd have an allergic reaction, she ran back to the clubhouse to find the pro.
Finding him, she says breathlessly, "I've been stung by a bee! What shall I do?"
"Where were you stung?" the pro asks.
"Between the first and second hole!"
"Lady, we gotta work on your stance."
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():sport jokes (950): Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty In Golf But Aren't |
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| Posted by Wreckd on 14-Aug-2005 | Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty In Golf But Aren't10. Nuts...my shaft is bent.
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
7. Look at the size of his putter!
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
1. Hold on...I need to wash my balls first.
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