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():top list jokes (540): Top Ten List of Silliest Questions asked on a Cruise Ship |
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| Posted by Sara Beth on 13-Aug-2005 | Top Ten List of Silliest Questions asked on a Cruise ShipTop Ten List of Silliest Questions asked on a Cruise Ship by Paul Grayson, Cruise Director for the Royal Caribbean Cruise Line's Sovereign of the Seas Cruise Ship - 1998
10. Do these steps go up or down?
9. What do you do with the beautiful ice carvings after they melt?
8. Which elevator do I take to get to the front of the ship?
7. Does the crew sleep on the ship?
6. Is this island completely surrounded by water?
5. Does the ship make its own electricity?
4. Is it salt water in the toilets?
3. What elevation are we at?
2. There's a photographer on board who takes photos and displays them the next day... the question asked...If the pictures aren't marked, how will I know which ones are mine?
1. What time is the Midnight Buffet being served?
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Signs You'll Never Get a Star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame |
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| Posted by Katie F. on 13-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Signs You'll Never Get a Star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame15> Your only claim to fame ended when you found out that guy in the motel room wasn't really a director, but just a pizza delivery guy with a gold tooth, a camcorder, and a goat.
14> Your network vice-pres-- oh, I'm sorry... I'm not eligible for this one. I already HAVE a star.
13> Your greatest achievement to date? Twenty-seven arrests for public urination with no convictions. Oh, yeah... and Internet humor list contributor.
12> Appearances on 7-Eleven security cameras do not count as face time.
11> The committee frankly doesn't care about your record-setting wait in line for Episode 1.
10> The last time you were that close to wet cement, it involved "Tony the Fish" and the Hudson River.
9> You've already been given a gold star each time you completed the 28-day treatment program, Mr Downey.
8> In your last 87 roles, you've never been off of your knees.
7> Sure, Hollywood loves double-D breasts -- on a female.
6> "Starring role in a George Lucas movie" looks great on your resume, but the industry is oddly bereft of "Howard the Duck" nostalgia.
5> Your agent pitches you to studios as "the thinking man's Carrot Top."
4> Your one starring role was in a snuff film... and you couldn't even get *that* right, dammit!!!
3> That Ebert guy can't say your name without giggling.
2> You give your heart and soul to the industry, and all they ever talk about is "Vanna, Vanna, Vanna."
1> Dude, where's my star?
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 14 Words We Should Add to the English Language |
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| Posted by phlegm on 13-Aug-2005 | The Top 14 Words We Should Add to the English Language14> anonymiss -- the act of forgetting someone's name immediately upon being introduced
13> crough -- to cough during a play or concert, causing other people around you to cough
12> jennamnesia -- to be so drunk as to forget you're the President's daughter
11> bobbityboo -- mental distress in males inspired by thoughts of surgically-removed penises
10> spaffle -- completely cooked waffle iron runoff
9> smealth -- the ability to secretly leave behind body odor in an elevator to be blamed on the next person who enters
8> algoria -- finding one's Day Planner suddenly very, very, open
7> massturbation -- group phone sex
6> dopplersation -- a discussion held by two people who are continuing to move away from each other
5> afterblow -- the compulsive need to review the contents of one's handkerchief following a good nose-blow
4> spillisecond -- the fraction of a second in which one may recover a toppled beverage before any liquid spills out
3> algebrassierism -- the compulsion to spend time in math class spelling "BOOBIES" on an upside-down calculator
2> doglet -- any breed of dog so small it can be terrorized by the average-sized house cat
1> squee-squee -- the curved line on a windshield caused by a little nick in an old wiper blade
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 16 Other Things McDonald's Hasn't Told You |
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| Posted by Fred A. Tisdale on 13-Aug-2005 | The Top 16 Other Things McDonald's Hasn't Told You16> The shakes? Also fried in beef fat.
15> Tell the vegetarians to brace themselves; we have some bad news about the salads.
14> Want to avoid beef fat altogether? Try our hamburgers.
13> Mayor McCheese has had five coronary bypass surgeries.
12> Burgers that don't sell after two days spend the rest of the month as "Filet-O-Fish."
11> The Hamburglar MUST dress like that because of Megan's Law.
10> McNuggets are shaped to honor the states with lenient meat-handling laws.
9> The reason we wear rubber gloves is for OUR protection, not yours.
8> The real Ronald McDonald died in 1969, trying to wrestle the controls of a small plane from an inebriated Hamburglar.
7> We never asked; we just assumed you'd prefer it lukewarm.
6> The Bible might be a series of allegorically instructive fables, rather than historically factual accounts.
5> You can McNugget almost anything and people still think it's chicken.
4> If our lawsuit succeeds, many Irish people will lose the first two letters of their surname, as did Hammer.
3> We modeled Ronald on a painting by John Wayne Gacy.
2> Actually, seeing you smile kind of creeps us out.
1> "Okay, you got us; there aren't really any salads back here."
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by Tricione on 13-Aug-2005 | The Top 16 Oprah Book Club Runners Up16> Yugo Girl: Auto Repair for Empowered Women
15> Rosie O'Donnell Can Kiss My Great Big Rich Ass
14> How to Amuse Your Inner Child By Swallowing Hand Puppets
13> Men Are from Mars, Women Are from -- Ooh, Mashed Potatoes!
12> TV Personalities Who Baffle Men, and the Women Who Love Them
11> Girlfriend, You Are Like, *SO* Co-Dependent!
10> The Clever, Unappreciated Woman Who Never Marries and Dies Poor and Alone
9> You Go, Oprah!: One Author's Desperate Attempt to Make His Mortgage Payments
8> Bad Shrinks, Good Surgeons: Learning to Love the Fat Ugly Loser You'll Always Be
7> You're Not Nearly as Repulsive as You Think
6> I'm OK, You Won't Make as Much in Your Lifetime as I Make During Lunch
5> Harry Potter and the Stunningly Successful, Worldly-Wise, Mature Yet Hauntingly Alluring Talk Show Goddess
4> I'm OK, You're Skanky Roadkill
3> Bridget Jones's Diarrhea
2> Beloved 2: Electric Boogaloo
1> I Know Why the Trapped, Rabid Wolverine Bites Her Leg Off
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 16 Least Popular Charitable Organizations |
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| Posted by Sabby A. Gurrrl on 13-Aug-2005 | The Top 16 Least Popular Charitable Organizations16> Guys Named Steve Who Could Use a Couple Extra Bucks
15> The Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen Retirement Fund
14> Institute of Obsessive-Compulsive Lawn Care Zealots
13> Green Piece
12> Rappers Without Retirement Plans
11> The Anna Nicole Smith Shelter for Temporarily Homeless Gold-digging Floozies
10> United Negro Hockey Fund
9> The March of Mimes
8> The George W. Bush Literacity Fund
7> Fart-Aid
6> Partnership for a Free-Drugs America
5> The Red Crotch
4> Amnesty International House of Pancakes
3> Americans United to Buy Me a Porsche
2> Konservative Khristian Kouncil
1> The Make-A-Whip Foundation
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
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