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| Posted by Kate Sugar Gal on 14-Aug-2005 | Top Ten Signs You Might Need a New Roommate10.. Has posters of creepy Newsweek covers with "Doe" and "Lewinsky" over his/her bed...
9. Sings the ending to the Flintstones as "an all gay time..."
8 .. Mumbles incoherently to a now green piece of cheddar cheese.
7 .. Frequently looks down at crotch and argues "Lipid, SOLID, Lipid, SOLID...".
6.. His/her toothbrush has tried to make a "run for it".
5.. Claims he had an affair with Bill Clinton and has never left his home state of Montana.
4.. Bought a cage for the dustbunnies and keeps food and water in it for them.
3.. Is the sole attendee for a 12 step program no-one has ever heard of.
2.. Glows when sleeping.
1.. Believes that "up" is relative to the rotation of his home planet.
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| Posted by Mistical Rose on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 14 Worst Rollercoaster Names14. The Dependsinator
13. The Made-in-Taiwan Space Shuttle
12. The Personal Liability Waiver Lawyercoaster
11. Dr. Kevorkian's Wild "Head Toward The Light" ride
10. Wild Bill's InternSpinner Career Slide
9. It's a Small World Full of Leprosy
8. Your 401(k)'s Value Ride
7. "Get Aboard, Ya Scabs!" -- The Roller Coaster Built By Non-Union Carpenters
6. Puke of Hurl
5. The Janet Reno Mattress Mambo
4. The Deadly Olestra DoubleEnder
3. The Crooked Safety Inspector's Crazy Kickbackcoaster
2. The OprahWeight
1. The Hello Kitty Strawberry Shortcake Care Bears BarbieCoaster
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
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| Posted by Anthony F. Williams on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Little-Known Effects of El Nino15. Weather Channel temporarily passes Knitting Channel in ratings.
14. During concert, Hanson breaks out into a raucous version of "mmmGuantanamera."
13. Tori Spelling, confused by lack of sunshine, goes into hibernation.
12. Unusually high tides in silicon implants responsible for delaying production of Barb Wire 2.
11. Jacko gets a "Woodrow", if you know what I mean. (Oops! Wrong kind of El Nino.)
10. Instead of flying south, Canadian geese just cross the border to shop.
9. Home Shopping Network's ratings plummet as trailer park residents nationwide seek higher ground.
8. Increased moisture in air means William Shatner needs less SuperGlue to hold his hair down.
7. In a first for a weather pattern, El Nino signs with Nike for a cool 36 million.
6. Groundhog comes out of his hole on Feb. 2 and -- ZAP -- the only thing left of his hairy little butt is the smell of burnt fur and ozone.
5. Matt Lauer responds to everything Katie Couric says with a booming "Claro Que Si!"
4. Minor changes in Earth's magnetic field allow Jennifer Aniston to complete a thought.
3. Rash of "muskrat" sightings in Vegas turns out to be thousands of toupees floating in from Hollywood.
2. Confused British nannies begin swinging babies counter-clockwise instead of clockwise.
1. "Ten inches and rising" now refers to flood waters.
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Least Popular Names for Street Gangs |
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| Posted by Paul S. Morette on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Least Popular Names for Street Gangs15. The Lords of the Dance
14. The Bitter and Self-Absorbed Grad School Dropouts
13. Delicate Hummels
12. The Joyful Mysteries
11. Tommy Tutone Tappers
10. The Promise Keepers
9. The Bullseyes
8. The Crotchety Out-of-Work Impeachment Managers
7. Los Losers
6. The Tinky Winkys
5. East Side Gandhis
4. Crips@aol.com
3. The G Street Webmasters
2. The Pig-Latin Ings-Kay
1. The Disciples of Tesh
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
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| Posted by andrew on 14-Aug-2005 | Candy Bars Rejected by Hersheys16. Kevorkian Krunch -- dying for some chocolate?
15. Spittles
14. The 100,000 Peso Bar
13. Hershey's Hickeys -- when Kisses just ain't enough...
12. Reese's Peanut Butter D-Cups
11. Buttafucofinger
10. Rocky Mountain Oyster Pops
9. Prunettes -- for the mature Raisinette lover
8. Malted Mothballs
7. Boutros-Boutros Bon-Bons
6. Pepsodent Patty
5. Phlegm & M's
4. Leper Bears -- melt in your mouth AND in your hands
3. Boogerfinger
2. That Ain't Nougat!
1. Zits Ahoy
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| Posted by Anna P. Crist on 14-Aug-2005 | Things to do at a Fast Food Drive Thru1. Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.
2. Drive through backwards.
3. Belch your order.
4. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume.
5. Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.
6. Walk through.
7. Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.
8. Repeat everything the order taker says.
9. Attempt to take the order-takers order ("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get a chance to take yours.
10. Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please".
11. In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip out ofnline and watch the fun as the person behind you is handed 40 bags of food.
12. When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.
13. Drive through with a carload of naked people.
14. Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.
15. Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.
16. Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice.
17. One word: Flatulence!
18. Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.
19. If you are a male, have a female friend place the order by speaking VERY seductively and suggestively into the speaker. When she finishes, have her hide and pull up to accept your order. See how many of the order-takers fellow employees have been called over to the window to "check out the babe".
20. Change a flat tire in the drive-thru lane.
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