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():school humor (1428): Toughest Final Exam


Posted by DreamJoker on 10-Aug-2005

Toughest Final Exam

Instructions
Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 4 hours. Begin
immediately.
History
Descrive the history of the papacy from its origins to
the present day, concentrating especially but not exclusively, on it social,
political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia,
America and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.

Medicine
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of
Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected.
You have fifteen minutes.

Public Speaking
2500 riot-crazed aboriginies are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may
use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

Biology
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if the form
of life had developed 50 million years earlier, with special attention to its
probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.

Music
Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You
will find a piano under your seat.

Psychology
Based on your knowledge of their works evaluate the emotional stability,
degree of adjustment and repressed frustrations of each of the following:
Alexander of Aphrodites, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your
evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references.
It is not necessary to translate.

Sociology
Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world.
Construct an experiment to test your theory.

Engineering
The dissassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed on your desk.
You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a
hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel
appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

Economics
Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible
effects of your plan in the following areas. Cubism, the Donatist controversy,
the wave theory of light. Outline a method for preventing these effects.
Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the
deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in you answer to the last
question.

Political Science
There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report
at length on it socio-political effects if any.
   

4 people have rated this joke:
8.25/10
     

():school humor (1428): Ways to confuse a roommate


Posted by Justin E. Danon on 09-Aug-2005

Ways to confuse a roommate

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

68. Stare at your roommate for five minutes out of every hour. Don't say anything, just stare.
   

1 people have rated this joke:
8.00/10
     

():school humor (1428): The Top 15 Signs You Won't Be Giving a Commencement Speech


Posted by Daniel J. Gatsch on 14-Aug-2005

The Top 15 Signs You Won't Be Giving a Commencement Speech


15> Every time you get close to a microphone, your Ethel Merman compulsion takes over.

14> "That's my monthly Vegas weekend. Can you move the ceremony to Monday?"

13> Even a graduation gown won't hide that ankle bracelet.

12> A great Jedi you may be. A great orator not are you!

11> You are, most unfortunately, too engrossed with unraveling the Chicken of the Sea Paradox to impart your wisdom to appetent youth.

10> "What Would Omarosa Do?" is not a hot topic right now.

9> Working the graveyard shift at the convenience store, you generally don't wake up until late afternoon.

8> You are in the middle of a very important court case. Also, you live with a chimp.

7> You were class valedictorian, only without the "vale" or the "torian."

6> Your crowning achievement is membership in ClubTop5.

5> Not only are you a proud C student, but three years in, you still pronounce it "nook-culer."

4> The only thing you're about to commence is 25-to-life.

3> You can't even look at tassels without waving a folded-up dollar bill in the air.

2> No shirt, no shoes, no speech.

1> Your highest "degree" is an honorary mail-order GED.



[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]

   

1 people have rated this joke:
8.00/10
     

():school humor (1428): 30 Things to do on an exam when you know that you are going to fail it anyway


Posted by Kristen on 13-Aug-2005

30 Things to do on an exam when you know that you are going to fail it anyway


1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions a loud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking. "Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and runoff.

6. 15 min. into the exam, standup, rip up all the papers in to very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bath robe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Turret's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. standup, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream and walkout triumphantly.

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)

15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, any thing you can reach.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

24. Masturbate.

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

   

22 people have rated this joke:
7.77/10
     

():school humor (1428): Fun things to do during an exam


Posted by Doran m. Langley on 09-Aug-2005
Fun things to do during an exam
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking. " Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand any of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who are you? Where's the regular guy?"

8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc. . . ). Play with the volume at max level.

9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

10. Bring pets.
   

4 people have rated this joke:
7.75/10
     

():school humor (1428): Crush, Lust, or Love


Posted by anna hindu on 10-Aug-2005
Crush, Lust, or Love
Q: Whats the difference between a crush, lust, and love?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling!
   

4 people have rated this joke:
7.75/10
     

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